February 2009

Barry “no blood on my hands” Matthews has a cunning plan to save his ass from firing. He is aiming for public sympathy by killing off prisoners at Paremoremo, thinking that people will side with him by getting rid of these parasites on society.

A second prisoner has died at the prison in as many weeks.

So far Matthews department has saved $140,000 per annum with the deaths of the two losers. I reckon they should have an active programme on savings in this manner and should immediately ensure there is a sturdy hook, a length of rope (with knot tying instructions) and a rickety stool in each cell as standard issue.

Pork Chop aka Rachel Glucina and self described beached minke whale has a bloody cheek to emblazon the front page of Spy with a photo of Frank Bunce and calling him “Fat Frank”. Then to top off her egregious rudeness likens Rodney Hide to the Michelin Man.

I have taken the liberty of putting a more truthful image of Pork Chop on the front page. Word also has it that the Sky City Hotel is still recovering from the daily demands of room service on floor 19. Apparently several times guests on other floors weren’t able to order anything from the menu except salads.

The Herald on Sunday really needs to be talking to the huge porker about her weight issues.

Pork Chop needs to get into the gym instead of getting into the all you can eat smorgasbord.

For the record Frank Bunce looks like he was snapped at a training session which is more than can be said for the snaps I keep getting sent of Pork Chop who seems to be training for a new reality show called Who can Stuff the most in their Gob.

Pork Chop needs a little sound slimming advice or whatever he is taking from Ricardo.

One good thing though for Fatty Rachy is she clearly isn’t on the “burn”.

The Cock from Campbells Bay, Mayor Andrew Williams, seems to have undue interest in alcohol. His lastest dalliance with the bottle is to try and poke puerile fun at Mayor Banks from Auckland.

It seems that he has insisted that the North Shore City Council stock a brand of wine called “Stop Banks”. Oh hardy har har. Andrew Williams would do better to cut out the late night emailing and texting and stop worrying about John Banks and get his own city in order.

Since he is being puerile I thought I would find some wines to describe him. Seems there are even beers as well.

3 Fools Wine

Hard Cock Wines and Beers

Silly Fool Wines

UPDATE: Astute readers have advised me of the following;

Big Cock Barley Wine Ale

There is a Chinese Fish Sauce simply named Cock

Oleanz Estates have the Big Cock Vineyard a Cabernet Sauvignon/Cabernet Franc

Today is the start of the fantastic 90 Probation Period coming into force today.

Finally employers wll be able to take a punt on an employee to see if it work out without the spectre of being harrassed for a payout from some mal-content. Employees could quit at will and now Employers can let go someone who isn’t adding value to their business in the first 90 days.

Appallingly though Trevor Mallard has upset retailers with his suggestion people should not look for jobs in firms employing fewer than 20 people, because they will just be fired before their probation is up.

Understandably this has upset employers and just shows how callous Labour are when they’d rather score a cheap political point than get on and help build the country up.

Cameron Brewer the nice guy from the Newmarket Business Association has called the comment “ridiculous and irresponsible” and says that 80 per cent of the New Zealand’s businesses are small, and they are just not in the business of hiring and firing staff for the sake of it.

Labour would be taken more seriously if they didn’t just blatently lie all the time. You would think they had learned that after their appalling “Trust” ad campaign failed so dismally a the election.

Editorial: Time may be right to ask what tax cuts will cost us – It is little wonder that Prime Minister John Key has refused to guarantee that the tax cuts promised for next year and 2011 will go ahead. The tax-cut programme that National took to the country in November amounted to $4.4 billion… [NZ Herald Politics]

The leftist echo chamber like to think the NZ Herald are National party mouth pieces whereas most of us on the right think they are pinko swine with a few good apples in the mix.

The editorial today, again, calls for National to break election promises. It is an outrage and it is entirely based on the false premise that tax-cuts cost the government. They do not and they are part of the stimulus package putting money into peoples hands so they can spend it how they like not how the government likes.

For too long we have had politicians treat promises like disposable napkins to be thrown away when no longer needed. National must change that perception and resist silly calls for them to break their promises.

Bill Ralston: Early days but it’s all good – They did it. They have passed 100 days in power. Woo-hoo. Only 900 or more to go now before they face another election. Being in government is a marathon not a sprint but there is no doubt National has had a dream start. Well,… [NZ Herald Politics]

Bill Ralston reviews the first 100 days and some cabinet personalities. The best comments are about Judith “Crusher” Collins and Paula Bennett.

Police and Corrections Minister Judith “Crusher” Collins is a perfect fit for her portfolios, whether giving her slack prison boss a Liverpool kiss or pulverising the cars of boy racers, she makes Act’s David Garrett look like a liberal limp-wristed pantywaist.

Education Minister Anne Tolley earned the undying loyalty of a future generation of voters by letting the evil pie and sausage roll sneak back into tuckshops across the nation.

The other tough sheila at the cabinet table, Paula Bennett, may have copped the sneers of the chardonnay set for her Westie ways and raising a family that sounds increasingly like the cast of Outrageous Fortune but the electorate only seem to have embraced her for it.

It seems the theory of Funny First Name Syndrome is being confirmed almost daily. This morning I received this email about FFNS.

Greetings,
just to support your theory, my cousin broke out of Mt Eden recently ( I did not know he was in prison) and was recaptured the next day by AOS. His name……. Storm!
Some one who I have knowledge of is a 27 year old man who lives with his mother and spends all day in his room on the computer eating copious amounts of junk food.
His name…… Avery, no convictions yet but watch this space.
Love your work
C

Cactus Kate lists 5 dumb ideas from the jobs summit and gives two of her own.

Half Done has February’s rankings and Tumeke has January’s ranking….hmmm I wonder which one is the programmer.

Bridget Saunders has advice for chicks about nerds geeks drips twerps twats dorks

Search in Hunua for missing man

A man with the mental age of a 10-year-old is missing in the Franklin district, south of Auckland.

You just know that when socialist whingers squeal like little piggies about a media commentator’s paragraph then the commentator has probably go the situation spot on.

John Armstrong serves up a classic today in talking about the trough snufflers and how National is going to send them to the bacon factory;

But if there was ever a time to apply the blowtorch to the bureaucracy it is now. With widespread job losses anticipated in the private sector, not much notice is going to be taken of squealing by the public sector.

Mmmmm Bacon sarnies…can’t wait.