June 2009

200kg fatty fraudster Max Heselhurst doesn’t want to go to jail. He thinks because he is a Ten Tonne Terry he shouldn’t do the time for his crime. With a body like that you would think he was a capacity planner and his body a work in proress, but no, he is just an ordinary thief and fraudster.

I reckon he is a perfect candidate for an unlined Crim Tin, otherwise known as a shipping container. make sure it get the full brunt of the sun to sweat it out of him. Bang him up in there, cut a thin hole in the wall and he can eat whatever fits through the hole, say, like say bread and water.

A low calorie intake with a high calorie work requirement always results in rapid weight-loss. It has been proven the world over. There were no fatties at Belsen.

Even Maurice Williamson knows that.

Heslehurst had been found guilty by a South Auckland jury of fleecing at least 30 victims across the North Island of $344,000.

It was reported at the time of his sentencing in May that his obesity meant other prisoners had to help with his personal hygiene when he used the toilet.

Good god, what is wrong with a good hose down with nice cold firehose in the quad if he gets a bit smelly. If he doesn’t like that then best he loses weiht quick smart.

Time for the return of hard labour especially for morbidly obese filchers of money.

It looks like the mainstream media repeaters are all singing from Labour’s prepared songsheet this weekend. The problem for them is that they all went tp press at the same time making themselves all look like…well…repeaters.

Fran O’Sullivan, Tracy Watkins and loyal Labour mouthpiece John Armstrong are all running the ame lines; that the government isn’t controlling the media like the last government!

OK so, let’s get this straight, they want a return to the micro-managed inside snippets, approved and released by the ninth floor. They want this because…

Well they want it because they are now having to think and write for themselves and repeaters don’t like doing that especially when they can have ready made articles churned out by a bevy of taxpayer funded spin flunkies.

Which is probably why more and more people read blogs and particularly those blogs that refuse to run spin.

OMG, I have just heard from sources that Jetstar left John Key on the tarmac at Queenstown

He was down there opening the Winter Festival and thought that since he was Tourism minister to support the new operator buy flying Jetstar.

It would have been good for their attempt at recovery after a week from hell where even today they left behind passengers on an overbooked flight, but they managed to add to their PR misery by leaving John Key on the tarmac, stranded in Queenstown.

Was it raining?, Was it snowing? Nope he was just running late.

Jetstar may as well just shut the doors and go back to Australia.

Never before have I seen a company so bereft of any idea of how to contain a PR disaster. Seriously they should be firing their PR staff and hiring people like me.

This just in from Twitter, where it looks like Jetstar has done it again this weekend.

What will it take for these chumps to learn?

This isn’t a post about Jetstar, though the message is the same. Get with the programme all you PR flunkies out there or suffer brand destruction quicker than you’ll get fired for allowing things to escalate beyond your control.

This post is about how to destroy your brand in about 30 seconds. Piss off someone with more than 50,000 followers on Twitter.

from Mashable

Mythbusters star Adam Savage got an $11,000 bill from AT&T, and he’s not happy about it. This afternoon, the star Tweeted:

Text messaging fees are stupid robbery? (they are), AT&T is attempting to charge me 11k for a few hours of web surfing in Canada. Pls RT!

He then added:

They’re claiming I uploaded/downloaded 9 million kilobytes (9 gigs) while in Canada. Frakking impossible.

Normally those suffering the extortionate roaming fees charged by the carriers suffer in silence, or go through the endless phone systems to try and reach a more modest sum. But Savage has more than 50,000 Twitter followers, many of whom appear equally disgruntled about high roaming fees. His message has spread so fast that AT&T is now the second most discussed topic on Twitter, second only to Michael Jackson.

We’ve got no doubt that AT&T will write off the bill rather than face the Twitter hoardes. Best of luck if you end up in the same predicament and don’t have a Twitter army behind you.

There seems to have been a mass outbreak of Silly First Name Syndrome related deaths. So far this week more people in new Zealand have died from related occurences than those from Swine Flu worldwide.

Two toddlers who were in the Porirua house when their mother and a teenage woman were murdered yesterday are being cared for by family.

Distraught family members sat quietly in the public gallery of Porirua District Court this morning for the brief appearance of a 28-year-old man accused of murdering Joeline Rangimaria Edmonds, 21, and Jashana Maree Robinson, 16, and breaching a protection order by physically abusing Ms Edmonds.

The unemployed Porirua man, who had his head bowed as he stood in the dock, was given interim name suppression.

There is a better than even chance that the alleged killer may also have Silly First Name Syndrome. Certainly the victims had at least one occurence, their chances were always poor of having a trouble free life. If their alleged killer also has a Silly First Name then they really had no chance of at all.

Want to live in Mellons Bay or Howick, near the sea and the shops then check this out.

This unit is in an excellent location only a few minutes walk from central Howick. It is the rear unit of two and is in a quiet location. The lounge and dining are combined and there is a separate kitchen and separate laundry. The unit has a DVS which is a boon, especially at this time of the year! The unit is in The Macleans College and Mellons Bay Primary Zones.

If there was an award for stupid PR then Jetstar would win hands down with daylight to second place. This month has seen their brand destroyed all because one fool at Auckland Airport dared Mike Earley to go to the press. What the soon to be unemployed fool didn’t know was that Mike is a child of the now and he had gone first to the blogs then onto twitter before it even got to the press. By the time Jetstar even thought about press releases they had copped a flogging online for two straight days. It is now day 8 of their humiliation and still they have not apologised.

Their MO has been blame, accuse, and lie. The Herald editorial gives them a lecture on how they should conduct business, this is perhaps unprecedented for such a new business. Other businesses are slamming home the advantage. Air NZ rescued 50 passengers on friday, and Pacific Blue made at least 4 announcements on my flight to Wellington thanking us for flying Pacific Blue and mocking Jetstar as a carrier that doesn’t carry.

The final ignominy for any new business in a competitive environment is to be mocked on a Tui billboard. Jetstar hasn’t even been going a month and they made it to Tui.

hat tip Mashable

Twitter gets the Onion treatment.

SAN FRANCISCO—Creator Jack Dorsey was shocked and saddened this week after learning that his social networking device, Twitter, was being used to disseminate pertinent and timely information during the recent civil unrest in Iran. “Twitter was intended to be a way for vacant, self-absorbed egotists to share their most banal and idiotic thoughts with anyone pathetic enough to read them,” said a visibly confused Dorsey, claiming that Twitter is at its most powerful when it makes an already attention-starved populace even more needy for constant affirmation. “When I heard how Iranians were using my beloved creation for their own means—such as organizing a political movement and informing the outside world of the actions of a repressive regime—I couldn’t believe they’d ruined something so beautiful, simple, and absolutely pointless.” Dorsey said he is already working on a new website that will be so mind-numbingly useless that Iranians will not even be able to figure out how to operate it.

I’ve said it many times, bad things happen to people or those in contact with people who have Silly First Names. The syndrome of which i am a leading expert, has again been found in West Auckland.

The man accused of raping a 13 year-old girl in the Auckland suburb of Waterview can now be named.

He is Aukustino Faatafa, 34, of Massey.

Faatafa is charged with abducting, drugging and raping a 13-year-old girl in April.

He is also charged with intent to facilitate sexual violation through stupefying the girl and making her incapable of resistance, by forcing her to smoke cannabis.

When will the mayhem end, when will the authories act to prevent such crimes by lacin all people who have contracted Silly First Name Syndrome into a monitorin programme.