My New Year Wish List – A Quarter Less MPs

In the UK the pending election looks like having more than a quarter of their MPs retiring for various reasons.

One quarter of the House of Commons will stand down at next election as more than 170 MPs plan to retire in the wake of the Parliamentary expenses scandal, the Daily Telegraph can disclose.

The taxpayer faces a bill of more than £10.8 million in controversial redundancy payments for the departing MPs.

The resignations will mark the biggest exodus from the House of Commons in living memory and lead to a far younger and more diverse group of MPs. The number will far surpass the 128 MPs who retired in 1945 at the end of the 10-year war Parliament.

The UK is likely to get rid of 1/4 of its existing MPs, mainly as a fall out from the expense scandal. Unfortunately they are going to be replaced with another pack of bludgers who will undoubtably find a way to vote themselves a massive pay increase so they can suck the public teat legally.

This is a real hard one, 1/4 of our parliament is not enough, and how on earth do you grade them? I reckon I could come up with a list of half of them to be exited for uselessness like would apply in a private company.

However, it did get me thinking though, if we were blessed with the opportunity to get retire 1/4 of our MPs.

1. Green Party: All of them. A blight on society with their incessant whinging about everything. In today’s modern, permissive New Zealand no-one is willing to say “look you are a bunch of loonies who deserve to be held in contempt, not put in parliament, so fuck off”
2. ACT: Generally had a total shocker this year, especially those behind the failed putsch to give Rodney the arse, and we would be far better off if they fell over and returned to the right wing of the Labour party where they belong. Except Rodney who can hold Epsom for as long as he cares to. Though If I were Rodney I would be getting the list sorted so the plotters are below 30 on the list.
3. Jim Andertons Progressives: Collectively a pack of bludgers, and singly suffering from far to many “senior moments”. Lockie should end the farce, tell Jim “Bernie” Anderton to join Labour and end his taking money off the tax payers for allegedly being a party leader.
4. United Future: Peter “Rothmans” Dunne should retire with grace before he finds his vote split and the hard working yet contemptible hypocrite Charles “Gladys” Chauvel wins Ohariu. Pinko Farrar’s expose of our mate Gladys for his comments on revenues from power companies was a highlight of 2009.
5. Labour: Very hard to know who to retire. It would be easier to say who we should keep. Trevor “Tiger” Mallard because he is always willing to have a scrap or root another woman so gives bloggers something to look forward to blogging about. David “Blackwater” Shearer for his top quality views on use of private security forces and outsourcing. Chris “Cruising” Carter for being an easy target due to is profligate spending of taxpayers money on keeping his partner convinced he isn’t cheating on him. Carmel “Slice” Sepuloni who promises to provide bloggers with plenty of interesting stories in the next couple of years. Stuart “Mangrove” Nash, for providing hours of endless amusement for WOBH readers in his quest to usurp “Tiger” as Labour’s biggest rooter. Shane “Five Chins” Jones & Damien “Whale-rider-rider” O’Connor who are good blokes in the wrong party. David “Squeaky” Parker who showed a lot of integrity for resigning his positions over some minor companies office scandal, when he was later shown to have been clean. Not typical Labour behaviour so he deserves a long tenure. David “Silent T” Cunliffe definitely needs to stay because his massive ego is going to trip him up providing joy to all those on the right. Darren “Private Dancer” Hughes whose lack of real world experience belies a talent for making monumental errors of judgment, plus I think Labour has a quota for Rangas.
6. Maori Party: Keep them all, WOBH likes their convictions and willingness to tell the truth, especially Honest Hone.
7. National: Regular readers will know that WOBH has called for the resignation of “Karori” Bill English too many times to count in 2009, and Nick “Quota” Smith like a billion times also. Bill’s natural talent for really fucking things up, demonstrated by the 20.93% in the 2002 election cannot be underrated, and his expense claim faux pas were of no surprise to anyone in politics. The problem with getting Bill to think about resigning is he would likely get a treasury report done so he could think about making a decision to think about retiring, then get another report to confirm the thinking about the thinking about retirement. There are plenty others that probably could go and no-one would notice, like Lindsay “Hobbit” Tisch. Murray “Charlie Wilson” McCully has surely had his day.

Rather than retiring them it would be much more simple to reduce the numbers of politicians permanently by 1/4. I wonder what the Romans would have called this? Oh they did quadrans-imation.

In case you are wondering, some of us have been working on a Profanisaurus of nicknames for all MPs. These are just some of them. In due course the full list will be posted as the official Blogger Mafia nicknames for MPs, Commentators and bloggers.