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First against the wall – drivers who back into car parks

by Whaleoil on December 26, 2010

I had the severe mis-fortune of having to go get some supplies for the camping trip. It was hot, sticky, humid and the worst animal of all was out in abundance at Botany.

Traffic and fool pedestrians who think that in a car vs. human accident they will win, were everywhere. But the single worst driving menaace are f*ckwit drivers who think that it is acceptable to back into car parks.

When I am dictator for life, the first people against the wall will be drivers who back into car parks.

These wankers sit blocking up the traffic waiting for a car park then someone BEHIND them drives off, they then slam their car into reverse and attempt to take the car park. In the laws of car park driving, they have forfeited that spot…they drove PAST it. Just because they like to park by backing into car parks doesn’t give then a right to take the car park.

The backing skills of “back parkers” also leaves a lot to be desired, most using the braille method of distance control.

They need to be shot.

The only thing worse than “back parkers” is caravan, trailer and boat towers travelling during peak holiday season. That is another post, though I think you all know what the punishment should be for them…yep…same as that for “back parkers”.

Maybe I will have a taser warning system in place for first offenders, second offenders get a more permanent solution for their inconsiderate behaviour.

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  • peterwn

    Backing into car parks is an acceptable driving technique. The people who need to be shot are those in a small car who slip forwards into a parking space just as the first driver at the spot is about to reverse. I think this is mostly of historic significance since the type of person (most probably women) who did this drove a Mini 40 to 50 years ago but would now drive a heavy 4×4 complete with bull bars.

    • http://whaleoil.gotcha.co.nz Whaleoil

      It is not acceptable. Because when the plonker driver returns with their shopping trolley guess where the boot is…that’s right in by the other car, which they now try to slot a shopping trolley, complete with wobbly wheels down the gap and end up graunching the neighbouring car with the trolley.

      There is a reason you park in frontways…it is so the boot is available for a quick exit after shopping. If you go past a spot, you’ve lost it, END. OF. STORY.

      • peterwn

        Are you talking about angle parking or ordinary parallel parking?

        • http://whaleoil.gotcha.co.nz Whaleoil

          I am talking about the vast expanses of car park spaces at any shopping centre. Of course those from outside of Auckland are unfamiliar with a carpark with more than 50 spaces.

          Here is an overhead shot to give you an idea.
          http://goo.gl/maps/Zww7

          For parallel parking of course backing is permitted.

          • peterwn

            Thanks for clarification – I just cannot figure why anyone would back into a parking space, unless they are scared of playing boomps-a-daisy when the opposite car also decides to back out simultaneously.
            It does not seem to happen in Wellington.

            I never knew that Parliament had less than 50 parking spaces.

  • http://whaleoil.gotcha.co.nz Whaleoil

    Another reason why back parking is unacceptable is that it now places the towbar and other assorted sticking out bits of the rear of the car well into footpath if the carpark abuts a footpath. This is because they back up until the tyres hit the parking stop, utilising their incredible braille parking skills, leaving the large rear overhang in the way of pedestrians.

  • http://www.maurieo.com maurieo

    I find reverse parking in shopping areas and parking buildings annoying for the reasons stated above but note that on some construction sites “Reverse Parking Only” signs are put up. At the site induction of one such site I was told that the rationale is that you are more aware of your surroundings when driving in than when reversing out to leave.
    What I hate more than reverse parkers at shopping centres is the “lock it or lose it” signs almost saying that its my fault if some scumbag takes stuff from my unlocked car and that I should be persecuted for encouraging them.

    • peterwn

      Your second para:
      1. I think that ignition keys never left the keyhole in Invercargill and other similar places 40 years ago.

      2. As far as those signs are concerned, why should Mr Plod waste time dealing with thefts from unlocked cars? Leaving cars unlocked is almost aiding and abetting crime.

      • oswaldbastable

        Wrong.

        Locked or unlocked it is theft.

        For sure, you ain’t helping yourself, but unlocked is not a free pass to steal.

        • http://whaleoil.gotcha.co.nz Whaleoil

          Unlocked stops the hassle of a smashed window.

      • hagues

        Fuckheads shouldn’t be touching cars that don’t belong to them at all, Next you’ll be saying hot chick are aided and abetting rape.

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  • moolooman

    I am in living in Japan at the moment. If you don`t back into the carpark you aren`t Japanese. Everyone is doing it so a different set of rules apply. It is usually only my shitty little car that is driven in nose first.
    As an aside, I am loivng the fact that I can sit in my little house in rural Japan and watch Ponting and his boys cop it from the English on the internet.

  • animalmother

    Ooh ooh I have one: having some jerkoff do $500 worth of damage smashing the window and dashboard in the course of stealing a $100 stereo that he will probably sell for $20.

  • Blondie

    Parking in suburban shopping malls is a nightmare at the best of times, but especially on Boxing Day.

    My favourite technique is to boycott them altogether – if I absolutely have to go to the shops, I head straight into the CBD, park in my OWN work carpark (no fighting for a spot in there), and then walk up Queen St. Which is pretty much deserted compared to the likes of Botany or Sylvia Park, because the majority of Aucklanders are too cheap to pay for a carpark in Newmarket or CBD.

    Newmarket is also a pain the arse to navigate through, but you can avoid all that by parking up in St Stephens Ave and walking down. Bit of exercise is good for you, anyway. The real reason that parking around shopping centres is such a nightmare, is that most Aucklanders are too lazy to walk 5 minutes.

    • peterwn

      You can always park at Sylvia Park and take the train into Newmarket or CBD. Oops there are now no local trains in Auckland and Wellington for the next few weeks.

      • Blondie

        Except why would I drive 20 minutes to Sylvia Park – then drive around a further 15 minutes looking for an available carpark – when it takes me 5 minutes to drive to the CBD, and then another 5 minutes to walk to the shops?

        I could’ve finished my shopping and returned home again, in the same time it’d take just to find a carpark at Sylvia Park.

        Besides which, Newmarket and the CBD have MUCH nicer shops than anything you’ll find in Sylvia Park.

        • peterwn

          Agreed. Besides you do not find fine shops such as Kirks in malls. Malls seem to have the same chains of shops. See one mall – see the lot. Even Sydney malls would more or less the same as NZ malls except Target instead of Farmers, Kmart instead of Warehouse, etc.

  • kevin

    There is worse… Rotorua flavour, what about people who do a ‘U’ turn (coming from the other direction) then try to swing into the park you have virtually lined up. Generally a shittier car than yours and a swamp type gene pool. There is usually a degree of intimidation as well. A quick decision needs to be made, go for the car park and hope they will just drive away or let ‘em have the park. Ah yes, the locals…

  • kram

    When commando driving my big Dodge truck in and around town I always select two parks and stick my baby right in the middle of the two. This stops fuckwits from opening their doors on to me and scarring my paintwork.
    As long as I have two tickets for the spaces its perfectly legal. For those who wish to argue, I have a cattle prod behind the seat.

    Why do fat people drive such small cars?

    • patt

      Why do I get the feeling that your Dodge truck already has a number of dents and scratches? More specifically; key marks.

    • johnqpublic

      Why do cocks drive Dodge pickups?

  • http://frontrower.gotcha.co.nz The Frontrower

    Rich bitches who think it is acceptable to park in the disabled parks because they’re still in the car and will leave if asked and there aren’t any others available”. When your driver is in a wheelchair they can hardly park elsewhere (regular spaces are too narrow). You can spot them a mile away as they’re always in 5 series Beemers or Volvos. Tasers are too good for them.

    • hsv325

      Yeah I have a crippled card due to bad arthritis in my knees and you are right it is rich bitches or aggro coconuts are the most common abusers of disabled carparks. I dont even use the crippled carparks if I can walk on crutches without too much pain leaving the space for wheelchair folk.

  • kram

    Perhaps Patt surrenders to the lowest form of expression “vandalism” to make their point and I suggest people who deface others property are social parisites and deserving of the violence that is visited upon them.

  • kram

    Johnqpublic wants to know why cocks drive Dodge pickups?

    I cant answer for others but i drive mine because its big and powerful with the v10, ( i do lots of k’S) got heaps of room in side which accommodates my large frame. Its size and colour suit my personality and my wife describes the combination as “Sex on wheels”. Afterall, whats the point of being rich if I end up looking like the proletariat?