Maybe they just want a root?

I knew a wise old geezer who once told me that you don’t pay a hooker for sex…you pay them to f*ck off afterwards. Another mate thinks you pay cock tax no matter what, so at least the cock tax with hookers is pre-negotiated and agreed before hand.

Katherine Feeney has discovered some interesting research:

Suggestively and succinctly entitled The Hobbyist and the Girlfriend Experience: Behaviors and Preferences of Male Customers of Internet Sexual Service Providers, the work is newly published in the American journal Deviant Behavior and comes from two experts credentialed in the field of prostitution and personal relationships.

And the conclusion basically finds most men surveyed preferred not to consider the women they ‘bought’ as “dirty whores” or bodies “for sexual release”.

Instead, the majority of the 584 male subjects paid for sex because they were looking for the “girlfriend experience or GFE over all other personal qualities and behaviours”.

How does that sit with your expectations?

Does it fit with your thoughts about why some people pay for sex?

The demographics are intesting too:

If it jars, then you might be interested in the author’s disclaimer. Their subjects were members of a particular adult services forum, and they were all male – mostly white, middle-aged, educated married and earning six-figure salaries. In other words, they are not representative of every person who pays for sex (and I say person, because females hire sex workers too).

But still, it’s important to note these blokes weren’t conforming to the usual, negative John stereotypes. They were seeking an “idealized version of a girlfriend” in the women whose services they purchased, with ‘ideal’ seemingly meaning a woman who is up for sex, interested in his needs, not too emotionally demanding and cares to come when he “makes the effort to bring her there”.

I’m curious, how does this ideal fit in with the male readers of this blog? Is this what you want from women?

And they want fairly straight sex too…which will please Andrei and Lucia no end:

Furthermore, the researchers found these guys preferred good (pardon the moral deliberateness) old-fashioned “penile-vaginal coitus” to any other sex act. Not anal or oral or any other kind of freaky-deaky sex so commonly thought of as the kind men really want.

Again, I’m curious about how this finding fits in with the male readers of this blog.

I think Katherine Feeney is all at sea…I bet Cactus Kate knows exactly what the real answer is…that the blokes just want a no hassle root and for the chick to shut up and disappear afterwards, just like my wise old mate from Wellington said.

  • Spanishbride

    They want a fantasy. That is what they are paying for. Someone who tells them what they want to hear and someone who does what they want. I call bullshit on the “not too emotionally demanding and cares to come when he “makes the effort to bring her there”.
    Really? Seriously? Men wanting to make a Sex worker come? really? Seriously?
    Newsflash, she’s faking it guys. Then again that is what you are paying for, the fantasy that you are a great lover and good looking too.

    • grumpy

      Ouch!

    • Patrick

      Or it could be that they just want a root

  • blokeintakapuna

    There’s some that will be looking/wanting the GFE driven by their ego or because of an unresponsive partner at home – which happens for countless “reasons”

    There’s also the “mental health” aspect for someone who might have a disability of some kind and they actually need the most basic of adult human interactions – tender, erotic human touch – and to get this, they need to pay someone for their time and considerations.

    Men & woman are wired differently – our DNA are coded differently and we all require different needs throughout our ever-changing lifetime. Try asking a woman not to get “clucky” around a baby is like trying to ask a male not to look at a gorgeous example of a hottie in a bikini down the beach. You’d have better luck asking the tide not to come in.

    Then of course, there’s the hubby who is tired of daily routine – get up early, argue with wife whilst getting ready to battle rush hour traffic, battle traffic all the way to an ungrateful boss who treats you with even less respect than the wife and just as bad as grumpy customers – compounded by years of frustrated routine and a wife that participates in sex about as enthusiastically as a sack of potatoes… So instead of the humdrum begging for average, routine, standard missionary and maybe a bit of doggy – the beaten down bedroom warrior leaves the walrus to her bleating and whinging and spends an hour or so with a gorgeous, enthusiastic 20 something with a figure to make a blue blooded man drool!

    Then, there’s the guy who loves his partner and their life together, but she has a medical condition / situation where sex of any kind is the last thing on her mind and she just completely distances herself from his basic human needs – sometimes even giving complicit consent for him to make use of these vital human services. She won’t often pay for the hookers though…

    Ask 100 men who use a prostitute and you’d likely get 100 different answers because of the 100 differing circumstances… and for the record, no i’ve never hired one – or even had a lap dance!

    Why is having sex – however procured – often seen as vulgar? It should be celebrated amongst adults – everywhere – except our PC society decries these basic human acts – mostly because the supposedly “moral compass” of our society, the church says it should be confined to only marriage and only between a man and a woman – when this is complete and utter bullshit, dogmatic propaganda spread and propagated by “the Church” as it tries to maintain an illusion of “control” over the populace.

    • Euan.Rt

      It’s funny the perceptions you hold of people in cyberspace. Bloke, I am having to rethink mine of you. An interesting well thought out response.

      • blokeintakapuna

        Thank you Euan – I think. I often comment and often to spark other comments – and often with comments that aren’t really my deep personal believes, but with comments to encourage further comments… because reasoned debate articulated well, keeps the grey matter ticking over…
        Mate – keyboard warriors are like armchair All Blacks – they never miss a try or conversion from the arm chair…

      • jaundiced

        Agree Euan

    • Ronnie Chow

      Best post ever . Not much wriggle room for the critics .

      “vital human services” for a vital human need , indeed .

    • david garrett

      I second Ronnie…very well said. The guys who make my laugh hysterically are the “I’ve never paid for it” brigade…we ALL pay for it one way or another! Hookers simply provide some contractual certainty.

      • blokeintakapuna

        Haha David,

        Yep – just look at all the costs in a cost/benefit study of girlfriend v’s professional:

        Dating girlfriend:

        Restaurant meal with wine $100-150
        After dinner drinks $50
        Flowers $50
        Movies/entertainment $50-100
        Haircut $30
        New clothing $300
        New Shoes $200
        Travel/vehicle/parking $50
        Towing fee $150
        Damage from towie $500
        Taxi home $80

        True costs $1560

        Plus annoyance factor of having to put up with her “electrolux syndrome” – you know where she makes a continuous whining noise – but doesn’t suck anymore.

        Or visit prostitute…

        Hot, vigorous, sex with an enthusiastic, fit hottie $200
        Takeaways & beer on way home $50
        Total cost $250…

        Peaceful, calm, serenity for a few days…

        Yep – no wonder it’s the oldest profession known to mankind…

        • Mr_Blobby

          You forgot the cost of the Condom, the 18 years of maintenance for any extras and the great asset grab. From a pure accounting perspective, paying for it makes a lot more sense. Set price agreed in advance and no ongoing commitments once the service is complete.

          Never forget the Man always pays one way or the other the Man always pays.

        • Gazzaw

          Or look at it another way BiT – imagine what $1560 would buy you on a fully commercial basis. $250 wouldnt get you in the girlfriends’ door

        • Lion_ess

          Is this list of expenses for you dude? No woman would get a haircut for $30.

  • Ronnie Chow

    Men need 4 things…
    Food
    Shelter
    A Woman
    And strange woman .

    • Lion_ess

      Funny .. probably true

    • http://www.whaleoil.co.nz Whaleoil

      Slightly wonky…there are three things the want in life:

      They want to be well fed
      They want to be well fucked
      They want a bit of praise now and then

      ….And in that order.

  • nasska

    There are certain religious denominations & sects which do sterling work in creating a demand for sex workers too. One well represented in NZ micro manages sperm wastage to the point that a wank is a mortal sin & all sex is supposed to be for the purposes of procreation only.

    When peoples’ minds get stuffed around from infancy with this garbage the only wonder is that there is not a couple of brothels on every street corner NZ wide.

  • Agent BallSack

    I probably buck the trend, I used to frequent prostitutes when I was in my 20s but stopped using them by the time I hit 30. My reasons were, I could go out have a good night not have to worry about picking up drunk girls and still get laid without all the drama that went along with it. Since my early 30s, I have been in a committed monogamous relationship and have no need to visit them any more.

  • http://nzconservative.blogspot.com Lucia Maria

    The man who visits brothels is looking for God. This is because sexual union links us to the Divine. However, if they are always looking for the experience and not all the self-giving that goes along with it, they’ll be sadly disappointed.

    And they want fairly straight sex too…which will please Andrei and Lucia no end:

    I don’t know if please is the right word, but I agree with your wife – they are looking for a fantasy, a pretense of the real thing that men are hard-wired to want and seek. Too much of this thing kills off a man’s conscience and soul.

    • The Baron

      Are you actually a real person because this shit has to be made up

      • Ronnie Chow

        Well , it’s Christianity , about God , from a person who ‘knows’ about such things from the Source . So , yeah , it’s made up .
        From Christian luminary Pat Robertson yesterday . “In response to a viewer’s question about how to save his marriage given
        that his wife “…has no respect for me as the head of the house,”
        right-wing televangelist Pat Robertson suggested that the viewer could “become a Muslim and beat her.”

        • Ronnie Chow

          Whale , I must say this Disqus system of sorting posts turns the thread into a disjointed series of comments , some of which seem seem ridiculous when viewed out of context .

          • Mabel_Gruntfuttock

            I simply can’t figure out how the DIsqus sorting works. Has anyone managed to fathom it? Cam – any help?

          • Random66

            If you go up to the top and click the ‘discussion’ button and then opt for the ‘oldest’ first I find this seems to keep everything in context. However once there are more than 40 comments sometimes there seems to be a delay in them showing up for some reason. To resolve this I click on the same ‘discussion’ button and opt for ‘newest’ and all the comments are there then. Certainly not as easy as it used to be that’s for sure.

          • GregM

            Scroll up and click on “oldest” again, it reloads the comments only, and in the right order. A bit fiddly, but it works.

    • blokeintakapuna

      “Looking for God?”
      Is that why in the throws of extasy at the very point of hallelujah – he yells out “Ohh God, Ohh God – don’t stop!”
      …or he could be just wanting some “escapism” from the dudgery reality of life which can sometimes be quite a grind (depending on your circumstances) and getting the main vein burried nuts deep – in a willing, enthusiastic hottie – can be quite the escape!

    • Ronnie Chow

      Man that’s complicated . Are you saying that if I’m not self-giving during sex , I will be disappointed ? And does masturbation link us to the divine , or only union ?
      To be perfectly clear , you can not look for fantasy . You create a fantasy and wish to fulfill it . Just like a business idea or a trip away.
      Imagine yourself in that dress . Imagine that wrinkle remover working . Nothing wrong with fantasizing at all , is there Lucia ?

    • RockyFist

      Fantasy Lucia – you got to be fuckin kidding.
      A fucks a fuck and no fuck is no fucking joke. If your wife/girlfriend is not putting out and your not too happy having to flog the old sausage off infront of the computer screen then spending a few bucks down the road is a few bucks well spent. Keeps the soul calm instead of exploding in build up frustration.

    • GregM

      What a load of poop.
      How about he just wants to let a bit of pressure out of the back wheels ?

      • Gazzaw

        Very succinct as usual Greg.

      • Ronnie Chow

        Exactly , and well described as “hiding the salami” in the excellent Paul Fussel book ; Class : A Guide Through the American Status System.
        Only for the rich , though . It’s all downhill from there for the seething humanity of Proles .

    • James

      I visit prostitutes about once every couple of months and never because I’m looking for God. It’s actually because I love my wife but, since having kids 5 years ago, my wife has zero sex drive. We’ve been to doctors and tried to fix it hormonally but that didn’t work. The expectation is that her drive will come back and not to stress about it as that could make it worse.

      So, instead of me forcing myself on her as would be the expectation among some religions, we came to an arrangement where I, in general, make do with pornography but, when the desire for physical contact becomes too much, I “work late” every now and again and pop in to a brothel on my way home.

      It isn’t an ideal situation but it fulfils my physical needs, provides her with the security that her medical issues aren’t going to drive me away, and keeps the emotional bond between the two of us strong. If, and when, her sex drive returns then I will stop my visits.

      So no fantasy, no “aren’t I great in bed”, just intimate contact with another person to sate my desires. I am in no doubt that, were it not for the money changing hands, I wouldn’t be in with even half a chance. And far safer for my wife as she knows that there is no emotional connection either way. The prostitutes provide a great, and valuable service, and I have absolutely no doubt that they have saved my marriage and continue to do so.

      • http://nzconservative.blogspot.com Lucia Maria

        James,

        The fantasy that you are living in is that having sex outside your marriage will save it. It may take the pressure off in the short-term, but in the long-term it will destroy your marriage unless you stop.

        Women buy into this concept that men are just like animals that need to sate their urges or they will explode or something. It’s rubbish. You are more than just an animal, James.

        How about trying physical contact with your wife where you just rub her back or something, with no expectation of anything. You’ll be surprised where that leads … eventually.

        • James

          Ah, wow … just to think neither of us thought about that or tried that – for three years with no sex. Her lack of sex drive isn’t down to not wanting intimacy, or anything else like that. It is simply a hormonal thing that, for some reason, got messed up in the pregnancy.

          And I don’t buy that it is the sex outside of marriage that destroys it – the main destruction is the lying – which we aren’t doing as we are open with each other, have tried to solve the problem from a number of angles, and considered the alternatives.

          And it isn’t an animalistic need to sate my desires that I’m after to be honest. More the intimacy that two people have during, and after sex. In many ways it is exactly the “girl friend experience” that the initial blog post was talking about.

          • http://nzconservative.blogspot.com Lucia Maria

            James,

            I experienced the hormonal thing myself after having children. Prior to having children, when everything just works, you don’t have to go deeper, so to speak. But after children, when you are tired and your spouse is wanting sex because he hasn’t had any for a while (without the realization that neither have you), and that you should just be able to turn on for him – that really kills it. So, you have to learn about real intimacy and he has to learn about self-sacrifice and doing things without it being all about him and what he gets out of it.

            Personally, if my husband had been going out with hookers during that period in our lives because he wasn’t getting any at home, then I don’t think I’d even be able to look at him, let alone be intimate with him. I can’t imagine what your wife must be feeling, but I bet it’s not good.

            Edited to add: women’s sex-drives are mostly in their hearts and minds, with the body working properly as an added bonus.

          • Mabel_Gruntfuttock

            I think I am with you on that. That is certainly how I would see it.

          • Rodger T

            I don`t suppose you pull out the ol` profligate masturbator line again could you Lucia?
            I`m in dire need of a good laugh this avo.

        • Lion_ess

          Stick to your day job Lucia, Bettina Arndt, your aren’t.

        • JimboBug

          Looks like it may be quite a common issue from this Stuff article and the comments under it!

          http://www.stuff.co.nz/life-style/love-sex/7677295/Does-having-kids-ruin-your-sex-life

      • Random66

        That was very brave of you James sharing this information. I have long since realized life is not black and white, we often dwell in the grey. However my hope is eventually your wife will not accept the status quo and be more proactive in ensuring that you work together to find a solution that does not involve a third party, because ultimately this will put a wedge between you. Good luck.

        • blazer

          its all about the ‘wedge’…..just look at Sally ‘Wedge’!

      • Cactus Kate

        James thank you for sharing that incredible story.
        Forget black and white, thats not even on a Dulex color chart to get our heads around.

    • Lion_ess

      I guess you are female Lucia, I don’t find your comments creditible on this topic or that you would presume to understand male sex drive better than a male

    • Cactus Kate

      Lucia – have you been in a brothel?
      I’ve haven’t but I strongly suspect it is not God they are looking for. Even though you may have walked past one and heard “Jesus Christ” and “hallelujah” these are not religious callings.
      Men going to brothels just want a root.

  • George

    All this says to me is that there are a lot of sexless marriages out there in that demographic.

    Woman gets benefit of house, support, kids –got it made, turn off the sex tap.

    Man gets benefit of stable home base, laundry done, food cooked,– no need to do that romance stuff any more on someone whose looks are sagging along with the bod.

    What an ideal solution to have it off with someone younger, compliant, and who isn’t around to bother you later. Except of course with the clap, or a standing ovation such as HIV.

    Then life gets turned upside down. What was once seen as a harmless dalliance is now a grubby transaction that has ruined you.
    Men should romance their wives more and their women should put out. If they don’t then its a matter for serious sorting out. But it still doesn’t need to involve some young woman with limited options hawking her fork.

    George

  • botti

    The people in that research sound like they come more into the “sugar daddy arrangement” category.
    http://infoproc.blogspot.co.nz/2009/04/sugar-daddies-mit-grad-starts-high-end.html

  • viking

    On the lighter side of sex.

    Paddy:
    “Your
    new secretary is very sexy…”

    Seamus:
    “Thanks! She’s actually a robot, named
    Doreen … If you squeeze her right breast, she
    takes dictation & if you squeeze her left
    breast, she types letters. Will work as long as
    you like, no complaining, no sick days, no
    medical, no dental……

    I’ll
    lend her to you for a day & you can see how
    functional and efficient she
    is”.

    Next
    day, Paddy called Seamus from the hospital &
    shouted:

    “Seamus…
    You bastard! You didn’t tell me that the hole
    between Doreen’s legs is a Pencil
    Sharpener…”

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