Herald Promotes Loony Medicine

Some people will believe anything.

The weird science of homeopathy, where sick people pay $$$ for a bottle of water which may or may not include a quadrazillionth of an undetectable molecule of arsenic is one for the gullible.

Now the Herald, a nominally serious mainstream newspaper, is giving weight and extensive coverage  to promote a Waiheke Island (where else!) expert who claims to diagnose your illnesses by taking a peek at your eyeball.

This science goes by the fancy name of iridology.

“Irises are either blue or brown and any other colours between are a corruption of what happens in our life. For instance if our digestive system is not eliminating all toxins, these will accumulate in the body and show in the iris. But some normal conditions such as pregnancy don’t show; and ditto for some slow diseases such as arthritis and Alzheimer’s.”

I can just see the Herald’s readers rushing to the mirror and, detecting that their peepers are not a perfect blue or brown, worrying that they might have piles.

“During a naturopathy consultation, Peter notes the condition of his client’s skin, ears, nails and the face and records details such as patient and family medical history, blood pressure and pulse. He will look his client’s tongue, ask their age, and about lifestyle, diet, and drugs or supplements taken.

Then he looks at the eye where each section of the iris relates to a body part. There may be stress rings, iron, or markings or colours which indicate changes in cholesterol and blood sugar levels, the state of your immune system, memory and circulation issues”.

Looking at your eyeball can be a reliable way of detecting a hangover, if you can’t otherwise remember what you did the night before.

The rest is bullshit.

The Herald wraps up this lurch into mad science by helpfully publishing the nutty professor’s name, phone number, and consultation costs.

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  • Gazzaw

    The question needs to be asked. Who does the nutty professor know at the Horrid?

  • stinkeye

    “Son, you’re bloody stoned! You have been smoking weed”
    “No mum, I swear – I just have tetanus”

  • toby_toby

    “Irises are either blue or brown and any other colours between are a corruption of what happens in our life”

    So… anyone with hazel coloured eyes has problems? Gee, sorry Mum :(

    Iridology is pure unmitigated horse shit. Anyone who says otherwise is a loony.

    I wonder how much Peter Riddering of Waiheke Island paid to have that crap run in the Herald? The saddest thing of all is that the Herald is considered the best of a bunch of shitty mainstream media rags, which is setting the bar pretty low.

    • Karlos

      There might be a little bit of something in this at least, my eyes were blue until I was about 5, then turned hazel, and if I have a bad enough hangover they turn green. However, this statement ‘and records details such as patient and family medical history’ pretty much blow the rest of it out of the water. If your family have a history of heart disease, I will quite happily charge you $xxx to look in your eyes and tell you that you are at risk of heart disease! And if you have an extra bit of spare cash I’ve got a bridge I could sell you.

  • Rossco

    More bullshit pap being passed off as news…. take a look thru stuff.co and do a search for “Psychic” and you’ll see it’s all true!!!! – it must be – that’s how it’s reported isn’t it? Makes me squirm, because usually these “stories” pitched as fact with no more proof than a 5 cent A3 Poster and some flake who will tell you she spoke to her dead dog, are on a facing page to – surprise surprise – an advert promoting some fraudsters “show”….. In the last couple of months…. Deb Webber – Kelvin Cruickshank – That awful Kiw Bint with the painted head…. Nicholson? Stack them on top of the homeopaths and hypnotherapists at the dump, and we’re doing a service to the entire country. Fraud is such a grubby word though…. best we just keep calling it entertainment – that has terrible effects on the vulnerable people being lied too. What fun!

  • Vlad

    I think he might have looked into the Herald Editor’s eyeball and seen an empty echoing space behind it.

  • Paranormal

    Cam – you’re out of line on this one. Alternative medicine does have its place.
    Alternative medicine has helped our family significantly when your science based medicine failed, and failed in what could have been a catastrophic way – twice. If we meet again I’ll tell you the stories.
    At the end of the day it is down to the individual to make the choice. You might be surprised at just how poorly we are served by science based medicine.

    • It’s always the last thing you try that works!

      • Travis Poulson

        A few grams of lead will always be the last thing you try, and it always works.

    • Andy C

      “Alternative medicine has helped our family significantly when your science based medicine failed”

      While it is good to hear that you had success, anecdote does not equal evidence.

      Iridology (homeopathy, and all other forms of “woo”) have failed time and time again to prove any benefit whatsoever when tested scientifically. Any positive outcomes are simply on par with the number of positive outcomes in the non-woo control groups. In other words – the positive benefits are just random coincidence not related to the treatment itself.

      Good luck with whatever your family’s ailments are.

      • Paranormal

        Sorry – our two major episodes with different children provide fairly major evidence.
        The key thing is that medical science in so many areas is only in its infancy – but those posting here seem to take it as gospel. Quite frankly in a lot of areas medical science is just making it up. They really don’t know the full story and we were potentially some of the first victims of ‘new’ science that just didn’t have the full facts.

        • Andy C

          I’m not sure you are saying that your experience shows modern medicine is fallible, or whether woo works. I wont argue with the former, but the later has shown over and over to be false.

    • Lofty

      Ahem…I have a small section of the planet Uranus, that i can offer to you..at a very reasonable price.

      I know that there may be benefits from plant extracts etc….but iris colour…come on.

      • Lofty

        Speaking of the planet Uranus, as we are…can anyone here answer that age old astronomical question…are there dirty rings around Uranus?

  • So you actually make comments like this on things you know absolutely nothing about. And you are a leader and powerful person in our community – shit no wonder this country is fucked.

    • Random66

      Well there you go WO, you are a ‘leader and a powerful person in our community’. That must be the comment of the day :)

    • stinkeye

      Yep, the country isn’t fucked because of years of money draining into deadweight no-hopes, its fucked because Whaleoil is questioning alternative medicine as being a bit dodgy?

      Lets get the Herald, NYT, Telegraph etc onto this – we found out whats wrong with the world now lets abandon all political parties and run naked in the forests! That damn Cameron Slater.

    • toby_toby

      Cameron knows something very important about homoeopathy – that it is all bunkum. I suppose you think that not only is gazing into people’s eyes useful, but you probably think MMR injections give people autism!

  • grandstream

    check this out – great view on all this BS

    • Vlad

      Thanks Grandstream. Brilliant! A must view.

    • In Vino Veritas

      Fantastic grandstream. A blinder!

    • cows4me

      Very good grandstand :-)

    • Lion_ess

      Thanks – best laugh I’ve had all day.

    • Bunswalla

      Fucking brilliant! Loved the homeopathic lagers at the end.

  • peterwn

    They probably wanted to print something that Prince Charles would be interested in.

  • Lion_ess

    Imaginary medicines are a highly effective treatment for imaginery ailments. I was given the little bottle of water – two drops under the tongue treatment once, what a giggle. Never again.

    • Ford

      your a headcase then?

    • Travis Poulson

      If it made you giggle then it worked. Laughter is the best medicine. This is why I feel exceptionally healthy after reading comments made by Ford, a never ending joke.

      • Lion_ess

        Well, I was laughing at it, not with it, if you get my drift. Ford? Hmmm

        • Travis Poulson


  • Mike

    Drinking camel urine wil be next.

    • Travis Poulson

      Since alcohol is banned is Islam, this is what is known as ‘getting on the piss’.

    • Lofty


      • Travis Poulson

        What, are you not satisfied with camel urine Lofty? Some people are bloody hard to please.

        • Lofty

          I am very satisfied with camel urine at a pinch Travis, but best with a dash of angostura bitters and a thin slice of fresh lime.
          I fess up and say that it is not my first choice.

          • Travis Poulson

            If it’s good enough for Bear Grylls…

            Oh that’s right, he SLEPT in a camel and drank his own piss out of a dead snakes skin…

          • Lofty

            Yes yes that is all very well Travis, but he has never been so hungry that he has had to bite the arse out of a low flying duck…as I have…then washed the arse piece down with a delicate quaffing of vaginal excretions from a TB ridden and 1/2 stuffed pox infected hunters corner prozzie.

            Beat that!

          • Travis Poulson

            Holy smokes batman. I’d shout a beer to any man that could bite the arse off a flying duck. Well, as long as it’s not a Mallard on a bike…..

          • Lofty

            You know Travis…I think I have a gift in the crafting of words.
            I have just impressed myself by pobably living up to his exalted majesty Brian Edwards ( may Cunnies bless him) impression of us all being morons.

          • Travis Poulson

            At least there’s one thing you can guarantee, you have more readers than Brian Edwards.

          • Gazzaw

            A top verbal exchange Travis & Lofty. Thought of doing a double act at the labour party conference? They’ll need lightening up after shearer’s keynote speech.

          • Travis Poulson

            What, you mean to say Shearer didn’t have the hoards of supporters in stitches? I mean, there has to be SOME hilarity in between the um’s and ah’s somewhere, surely.

          • Bunswalla

            You mean hordes, surely – but I hardly think 3 grannies knitting cardies for the jumble sale qualifies as a horde…

          • Travis Poulson

            If the grannies were feelin’ a lil’ randy, he could consider himself whored.

          • Lofty

            I will have you know that 1 of those 3 grannies is my dear old Mum.
            Still clinging to the mickey savage days…in her 90,s now cod bless her.
            Knit one..perl one..miss one, ah well
            I tried to tell her that Mallard is really a duck, and shearer works on a farm she tells me she has never heard of them, and I should,go and see that nice Mr Kirk and tell him to make the Labour Party great again….
            Soooooo after a nice cup of tea and a pat on the head, she is settled to be in one of the many vacant seats at the conference, applauding Mr Kirk and booing that naughty interloper Mr Lange.

          • Bunswalla

            a.k.a. Jim Beam?

          • Travis Poulson

            Anything but jack.

          • Bunswalla

            Heresy! Sacrilege! Billions of blue blistering barnacles!

          • Travis Poulson

            Heh, I see what happened there. I meant anything but Jack was piss. Bloody hell, better get yourself a triple bypass after that.

          • Bunswalla

            Too…late – can’t breathe….

  • Zephyr Cobalt

    The Auckland Herald often publishes advertorials under the guise of “news”. It’s an easy way to fill the large gaps left by lazy cut & paste reporters who do not know how to write an interesting and truthful story.

  • Pokerface

    “if our digestive system is not eliminating all toxins, these will accumulate in the body and show in the iris” – this is commonly known as “a shitty outlook”.

    • Bunswalla

      Comment. of. the. day.

  • Travis Poulson

    People that are silly enough to believe in homeopathy are probably more susceptable to hypochondria, therefore more likely to have a higher chance of cure.

    • Lion_ess

      exactly ..

  • Well done Cam – call it what it is – quackery.

  • david W

    Couple of points. (1) Only ~1/3 of modern western medicine is based upon good science. Most is based upon either tradition or drug company manipulated data. (2) I once had an iridology appointment cause I was intrigued (and a bit cynical). Was amazed as what she deduced without knowing eg had damaged left ankle (I don’t walk limp), depression (I smile a lot) and some other things I can’t remember.

    Went home and searched the literature for studies. Virtually no studies have looked at where it is a worthwhile diagnostic tool. Those that had been done where poorly constructed. As iridology is seen as “quack medicine it isn’t studied, as there is no money for studying it. So we have not idea whether is works or not.

    (3) Homeopathy has been studied a lot. Yes I agree it works as well as a placebo.