The five reasons why left wingers are pure evil

Tim Stanley writes at the Telegraph in response to a claim by a left wing blogger in the uK that right wingers are evil. He gives his 5 reasons why left wingers are pure evil.

The Labour-supporting blogger Sunny Hundal has done his bit for world peace by declaring that Right-wingers are all “evil”. Obviously, it’s political hyperbole at its most silly. But this kind of rhetoric is increasingly common among Left-wingers who think that conservatives who want to reform welfare, stop the NHS from killing people or make sure kids can leave school with the ability to tie their own shoe-laces are – to use Sunny’s words – “heartless bastards.”

So if we’re going to play this game of tit-for-tat, I’d like to offer evidence that it’s the Left that’s pure evil rather than the right. Aside from hating freedom and the baby Jesus, they also commit these five mortal sins without any thought for the rest of us.

He lists the 5 reasons…Ill try and put a NZ context on them.

1. Bad stand-up comedy. Call me old-fashioned, but I always thought a comedian was a fat man in a tux who came on stage and told jokes. But Left-wingers will laugh at something not because it’s funny but because they think they’re supposed to – which been an enormous boon to the careers of “alternative” comedians like  Jeremy Hardy, Josie Long, Robin Ince, Mark Thomas and Marcus Brigstocke (seriously, folks, I’ve known colonoscopies that are funnier than Marcus Brigstocke). Their acts are basically George Galloway speeches with a laughter track added and one of their favourite targets are the “fascist simpletons” who believe in God. Oddly, though, they never pick on fundamentalist Muslims. They can’t seem to see the funny side of having a fatwa put on their head.  

We see this every week on 7 Days…a motley collection of un-funny comedians slagging off the government with snide remarks and inane cock jokes. Jeremy Elwood is another such un-funny comedian.

2. They all seem to be about 12 years old. My old nan used to complain that policemen were getting younger and younger, but the same now applies to Labour politicians. And for some reason it’s become a requirement that Left-wing pundits look like Blue Peter presenters – all opened-necked shirts, spiky hair and shiny, shiny faces. Would it surprise you if Sunny, Ellie, Owen or Laurie broke away from a debate on globalisation to tell the audience how to build a Thunderbird Tracy Island out of pipe cleaners and a plastic bottle?

Our  left wing pundits are more grunge crossed with hippy and a bit of hipster. Look no further than Martyn Bradbury followed by Damien Christie and a bit of highbrow hipster from Russell Brown.

3. They care about what famous people think about things. Barbara Windsor is a lifelong Conservative, but you wouldn’t know that because she doesn’t drop it into every conversation. On the other hand, we all know the politics of Ben Elton, Stephen Fry, Ross Kemp, Tony Robinson and Eddie Izzard because they never shut up about it. Eddie Izzard is even thinking of running for Mayor of London; if so, I hope the Tories go tit-for-tat and run the Chuckle Brothers against him. It’s a strange thing about the Left that while they claim to be egalitarian they go all weak at the knees when they discover that a rich famous person supports their cause. It can backfire – no one’s going to be inviting Alec Baldwin to their gay wedding.

Sigh…Lucy Lawless, Robyn Malcolm…

4. They’re willing to give murderers the benefit of the doubt.There’s nothing more annoying than a Leftie in a Che Guevara t-shirt – a racist sociopath who helped to establish a regime that butchered all its opponents and threw into jail anyone who was “a bit camp”. But Left-wing sympathy for patently bad people is typical. One campaign that irritates me more than any other is the crusade to allow prisoners to vote, as if we want to give a democratic voice to convicted fraudsters and lunatics who think they have a mandate from God to kill their grandma and wear her scalp as a hat. If this stupid idea ever gains any ground, the only upshot would be that politicians might have to start canvasing in maximum-security prisons. Oh, how I’d dearly like to see Nick Clegg beg Ian Brady for his vote.

Labour here are campaigning to give prisoners the vote, cuddling up to career criminals like Arthur Taylor.

5. They think that people who don’t share their opinions are evil. Left-wingers are the most tolerant people on earth – until they encounter someone who disagrees with them. Disagreement offends their sense of righteousness, and turns champions of free speech and free love into 17th-century Puritans. If you don’t believe me, follow this simple exercise. A) Post this article on your Facebook page. B) Take note of all the people who write that “Tim Stanley is the love child of Adolf Hitler and Kenneth Williams AND HE SHOULD BE SHOT.” C) Unfriend those people immediately. That’ll sort the Right-wing wheat from the Left-wing chaff.

Let’s see what happens now.

  • boristhefrog

    The Left… I can’t tell whether they suck or blow…

    Maybe the trouble is that they are trying to do both and the same time…

    Fucktards.

  • Quintin Hogg

    Once you get past the gushing over the Duchess of Cambridge there has been some pretty good stuff coming out of the Telegraph of late. I thought this was particularly good. and bang on.

  • Mickrodge

    I thought Jeremy Elwood took High Fuckwittery to a new level with his unashamed dancing on the grave of Thatcher on Twitter.

    Class A cock!!!

    • Concerned Accountant

      To be fair, they do need to have something to be satirical about, and the opposition can’t present anything worthy of being clever about.

  • Josh Metcalfe

    The problem with NZ comedy isn’t limited to just 7 Days. They’re all lazy observational comedians. You look at a good comedian like Billy Connolly, he tells all sorts of funny stories and keeps politics out of it for the most part. Because he knows that an audience come to have a good time, not to have their noses rubbed in politics.

    • rouppe

      Agree. The thing about a lot of NZ’ers is that they think sneering at and deriding someone is what makes a good joke.

      Sneer and deride all you want but when you’re attacked for it don’t get all offended and say “it was just a joke”. Telling a joke isn’t an excuse for being a cock

  • PlanetOrphan
    • Phil T Tipp

      Kindly explain, if you will.

      • PlanetOrphan

        People use labels like Libertarian as a cover for their self centered views on life. Try to force them down others throats, and get offended when they are disagreed with.

        • Phil T Tipp

          In a word. Bollocks. That’s your opinion and you’re welcome to it.

          However, you’re labouring under a mis-apprehension of gigantic proportions. Libertarian is not a label. If some wish to use the term, applied to themselves, as a label – then of course they may. Naturally, that makes them neither true to themselves, nor does it extend any further than any individual who misuses the term.

          A deep understanding of libertarian principles of course, lends weight to the notion that each may do, say and believe in whatever he wishes – provided it does no harm to any other. Quite the opposite of self-centeredness.

          • PlanetOrphan

            Sorry of I offended your Libertarian belief system Phil.

            I’m not saying they are all like that by any means, but people do look for a “handle” that isn’t inflammatory, and many land on Libertarian because they think it sounds nuetral while still allowing them to be themselves.

            I think Libertarian is a handle that both Left and Right wing people adopt to get away from the norm, and evil people use it for cover.

            If you want be a good civilised person then call yourself a good civilised person, calling yourself Libertarian will get you buried by other peoples crap faster than yo can blink.

          • Phil T Tipp

            I’m not offended, and even if I were what good would it do? I don’t care about opinions. They’re like arseholes, everyone’s got one.

            Personally, I think it’s a shame that more politically aware people, sentient and aware of how the world really turns, are not clued into libertarian principles, the real political alternative and economic policy gifts it delivers.

            Instead we are tied into the tired old two-tier blind-binary 2 party system of tit-for-tat, tax and fucking spend, in an endless spinning voting cycle of shit-poor government and unending hoopla, froth, spin and shit.

            Nothing ever new and trail-blazing, no new ideas, no real insight and imagination, no freeing up of the worn and rusted lumbering machinery of state – just yet more hoovering of tax to be mis-spent and troughed up by the pigs in parliament.

            There is a better way. And it starts with libertarian small government, unfettered economy and personal freedom.

          • PlanetOrphan

            While I agree about the about the tired old repetition, I think destroying the system in the name of change will simply send us back to the 20’s , and we’ll end up re-inventing it all, with the same problems, because no one spent the time to analyse the situation in the first place.

            The current system got the way it is by trying to resolve real world issues for everyday New-Zealanders, we should be moving forward and have respect for the time and effort many Nzers have already put into our current systems, and keeping them up to date with current understandings and observational viewpoints.

          • Phil T Tipp

            Are you telling me that the current system isn’t fucked? That it doesn’t need tearing down and gutting? That the mid-C19th single-camera 2-party system effectively represents the needs of the C21st citizen? That it understands the worldwide economic system writ large and is making effective use of that system on behalf of its citizens? That it isn’t being led, by the nose, pulled by idiots to the tune of UN and US mandates – and kicked up and down in the arse by the minority rainbow coalitions of monkeys at the other end? Are you happy being represented at the chimps’ tea party in Wellington, by over-educated and under-talented policy wonks who have no real idea what it means to live outside the system and in the real world?

            It’s fucked all right. Time for change.

          • PlanetOrphan

            No it isn’t fucked bud, we still live peacefull productive lives as a whole, If you want fucked try looking at the Middle East, which is more Libertarian by far than NZ.

          • Phil T Tipp

            Nope, the ME is most definitely not libertarian, in any way. Markets are mostly rigged and definitely not free. There is no representation for private citizens in what are mostly medieval dictatorships, run by crazed theological military/police/state complexes and/or dictatorial one-party systems and corrupt self-perpetuating monarchies.

            You need to travel more Mr Orphan. It’ll inform your opinions and bring startling clarity to the cack-handedness and bovine stupidity of the political class in NZ.

          • PlanetOrphan

            What you are describing is exactly what Libertarian means Phil.

            They have no real government, the Taliban is left to it’s own devices, Pakistan just lets Bin Laden live within it’s borders etc etc etc

            I think you are the one that needs to travel some more Phil.

            Try taking a walk through the ghettos of America … That’s what Libertarianism gets ya bud.

          • Phil T Tipp

            Wrong again Mr Orphan. The Taliban is a religiously inspired theocratically-led hate and fear machine. Pakistan is similarly religiously driven, strangely enough – by the same potty monotheistic desert cult. However, the guiding hand of British Imperialism long ago in Pakistan, before Indian Partition, has left an ingrained will to be more tolerant in general than the tribal savages from the high Kush over the border in Afghanistan. The Pakistanis are playing an altogether more sophisticated game than the opium runners next door.

            But what’s any of this to do with free-market libertarianism and shrinking the state, or personal freedoms and an end to the surveillance of free citizens? Fucking nothing. You ever been to the ME Mr Orphan?

            The ghettoes of the America are linked directly to the US state inability to govern effectually. Their state sector is mind-bogglingly huge, a massive fat finger-poking blubber monster of epic proportions, which mindlessly eats billions of dollars every day and shits reams of useless writs, bills, laws and obfuscations, which benefit fucking no-one. It exists to serve itself.

            Let’s take your US example and have a closer look. Detroit, a bankrupt city ghetto, killed by years of leftist Democrat over-spend. Detroit faces a short-term cash $327 million budget deficit and an estimated $14 billion in long-term debt, primarily driven by unfunded pension and retirement health care obligations. That’s the state sector we’re talking about here. Nothing to do with free-market economics either.

            Read more:

            http://www.forbes.com/sites/kylesmith/2013/02/21/detroit-gave-unions-keys-to-the-city-and-now-nothing-is-left/

          • PlanetOrphan

            Nup sorry bud, the whole point of diminished government is patently obvious in the middle east , to turn it into a religion based concept is obfuscating my point which you diligently ignore because your don’t believe you are an anarchist but you are pushing anarchistic ideals Mr Tipp.

          • Phil T Tipp

            Nah, wide of the mark Mr Orphan. You seem to be under the impression the most countries in the ME are in fact in need of democratic government in the western fashion, which is not the case. Their people do not demand it nor would their erstwhile leaders ever submit to the requirement. Division and rule along tribal/religious lines is how they do it. Libertarian small government requires the democratic process in order to function, that process is entirely missing in the Arab states. Don’t mistake small-state libertarianism for non-democracy.

            Disastrous US foreign policy in Afghanistan, where they have destroyed infrastructure in instituted a puppet form of shadow government and so-called democracy in their own image is merely playing into the hands of the tribal/religious divide – Karzai is a connected figure, his own brother is a big-time opium magnate and they have family connections to other warlords in the region. Plus c’est la meme chose. Don’t be fooled for a minute thinking that the US has delivered liberty to the people of Afghanistan.

            The arab spring movement in those countries where it has displaced the extant power base is merely making way for a new despotic regime in time – be it military or religious or a personality cult like Gadaffi’s or Saddam’s. Watch and learn.

          • PlanetOrphan

            But Phill , your are now making my point for me, the problem is you still can’t accept Libertarian views are anarchy, and want to re-write the meaning so it means democracy.

            Free market = No laws controlling it
            Diminished Government = No Laws or infrastructure behind them

            You can’t re-write the English language Phil, the reason Karzai is getting away with it is the country has Libertarian views, the same goes for any other left or right wing revolution.

            PS I’m not pushing democracy in any way, just pointing out that Evil uses Libertarian views to further their Evil.

          • Phil T Tipp

            I wish I could communicate the groan I just made out loud.

            Free market = No laws controlling itDiminished Government = No Laws or infrastructure behind them

            Over-simplification, misunderstanding and a lack of grasp.

            Don’t point your state-fed pudgy fingers at me kiddo, making sweeping statements about “If you are not an anarchist then you are not a Libertarian.”

            I get the distinct impression I’m feeding the troll.

            Fuck.

          • PlanetOrphan

            It takes 2 2 troll babe :_)

          • deanobravo

            I feel your pain Phil. wasted breath i’m afraid…

          • Phil T Tipp

            Thanks deano, sometimes there’s just no getting through.

          • PlanetOrphan

            I supported Libertarianism for three weeks until I had a good understanding of what Libertarians were about, How long before you stopped to re-evaluate Phil / Deano ?

            How long before you tried to re-define the word guys ?
            How many times did you have to say “That’s not what it means to me” ?

          • Phil T Tipp

            You what? “Supported Libertarianism for 3 weeks”? It’s not a colour of nail polish or style of trousers kid. And wait a fucking minute – you’re referencing a defunct whingy yank-rock band to underline your political pedigree and as yet un-plumbed majestic depth of understanding? And what’s all this soft-cock neo-teen-psycho-babble about re-defining or re-evaluating fucking labels about then? Absolutely meaningless white noise.

            Come back and re-engage with the conversation when you’re out of short trousers boyo.

          • PlanetOrphan

            You make my points for me so well M8!

          • AngryTory

            Libertarianism is just another kind of leftistism. Everyone has the same rights. Everyone can try to do what they like!

            Conservatism at its core comes down to one simple truth: a place for everyone, and everyone in their place.

            And leftists and libertarians belong in the same place – in the Bastille!

          • Phil T Tipp

            Suit yourself Mr Angry. Your rabid ideology has undermined your skills of critical analysis and spelling, it seems.

  • cows4me

    6) The fuckers think they were put on Earth to tell others what to eat, what not to eat, what one can say and what one can not say, everyone is equal, government knows best,what to think and what not to think, evil does not exist nor does God. I don’t particularly like the pricks

  • Phil

    Just 5 reasons? I suspect there are many many more…..

  • thor42

    Almost all of the left-wing’s so-called “arguments” are nothing more than abuse. My favourite one is “racist” when used against those who dislike Islam (which of course is not a “race”). That action of theirs means that the word “racist” has *completely* lost any “sting” or potency that it once had. By their own actions, they have completely destroyed one of their main weapons.

    If a leftie calls you a “racist” because you dislike Islam, it simply shows that the leftie is a f**king moron.

    The RIGHT-wing, on the other hand, are much more able to put their (our) position with well-reasoned argument backed up by facts.

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