I have frequently posted on the growing menace of cow attacks. Discovery Channel wimps out on the statistics here, doggedly continuing with Shark Week when it is a proven fact that cows are far more dangerous and Cow Week would provide a far more realistic anthology of terror.
This week, their allied channel Animal Planet maintains the fiction, with Monster Week featuring rarities like crocodile attacks, and nary a mention of Killer Cows. Despite another serious Cow attack in Britain.
A man has been hospitalised after being trampled by a herd of cows while he was out walking his dog in the countryside.
Emergency services were called to a field in St Neots, Cambridgeshire last night and rushed the man to hospital.
The patient, said to be in his 60s, was badly injured in the accident and required specialist treatment at Addenbrooke’s Hospital in Cambridge.
My own theory is that cows attack because they are increasingly pissed off with being pushed around by smaller humans, and having their milk stolen.
But the authoritative source Wisegeek.com has now revealed a solid motivation for the bovine bash-artists – it is just their reasonable retaliation for Cow-Tipping assaults.
The site describes Cow Tipping, apparently a popular US pastime:
“Cow tipping is a legendary rural activity in which people attempt to knock a sleeping cow over.”
“According to the legend, cows sleep standing up, making it possible to sneak up on a cow and push it over. While cows are capable of sleeping in a standing position, and some do, they are extremely difficult to sneak up on. Like other ungulates, cattle have evolved very keen senses to be prepared for potential attacks from predators. The approach alone would be enough to wake the cow up, and the pressure on the cow’s side in an attempt to tip the animal would most certainly alert the cow to the shenanigans.”
They add warnings, and a few tips on how to do it:
“There’s also a simple matter of physics. Cows have a very low center of gravity, which means that tremendous force is needed to topple a standing cow. Especially if the cow were to wake up during the process, the situation could get ugly, since most cows do not appreciate being harassed.”
“In order for cow tipping to work, one would have to find a cow sleeping in a standing position, and at least two very strong and heavy people would be required.
“Periodically, people do attempt to go cow tipping, and they are often injured. The injury rate is likely unusually high because many cow tipping expeditions are proposed while people are under the influence of alcohol, so their judgment and reaction times are impaired.”
I find myself on the side of the cows here. If somebody tried to tip me over while I was asleep they’d get a good thumping too.