Key to meet NASA to get 70 lazy kiwis into paid work?

NASA has just the job opening for some of our bludgers who are perfectly qualified for the position. Let’s hope John Key is flying to talk to NASA.

Who says there’s a job crisis in America? NASA is currently looking to pay a number of volunteers $18,000 to lie in bed for 70 days. Participants will be allowed to play games, talk to friends and family members, take classes, even work remotely for their real job, as long as they do not get out of bed for the entire duration of the experiment.

The study will simulate the effects of microgravity on the human body by having the beds tilt head-down at a six-degree angle, forcing body fluids to shift to the upper part of the body and create cardiovascular conditions similar to what is seen during real spaceflight. Scientists will also be monitoring the atrophy of muscle and bone density in the subjects. 

Unfortunately, it will take more than years of experience watching marathons ofThe Wire on your sofa to land this position. According to NASA news chief Kelly Humphries, “subjects need to be very healthy.” Even those who make it to the short list will need to go through a modified Air Force Class Three physical, complete a battery of tests, and undergo a 90-minute examination by a psychologist.

“We want to make sure we select people who are mentally ready to spend 70 days in bed,” says senior scientist Dr. Roni Cromwell. “Not every type of person can tolerate an extended time in bed.”

If you still think you have what it takes to be a space potato, you can apply for the position here.

  • thor42

    So you can’t get out of bed even to wee or crap?

    Bugger that.

  • Mr_Blobby

    Our overweight, overfed beneficiaries would have no problem doing what they do all day, but they would all fail the physical and psychological tests.

  • Momo

    Our losers may not like not getting stoned or drunk in that time…

  • unitedtribes

    tilt head-down at a six-degree angle, forcing body fluids to shift to the upper part of the body and create cardiovascular

    The same effect can be felt by going to bed after 10 beers. Dont need to wait 70 days

  • Steve (North Shore)

    Most of our losers do this anyway – why pay them?

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