Boobs

Apparently a plastic surgeon in the UK has discovered this elusive goal:

In a plastic surgeon’s quest to find the ideal female proportions, he turned to 100 glamour models..

It sounds almost like parody – a top consultant plastic surgeon spends three months studying models appearing on Page 3 of a bestselling British red-top newspaper. Later this month he reveals his findings: the mathematical proportions of the perfect breast.

Of course, the subjectivity of such a statement can’t be ignored – not to mention the somewhat dubious nature of the source material. But astonishingly, when shown computer mock-ups of the female form based on these equations, most women agree that they are indeed the ideal vital statistics.

Incredibly, although breast augmentation – or the boob job, as it is commonly known – has long been the most popular cosmetic surgery procedure, nobody within the industry has ever quantified the measurements and proportions that make a breast appealing to the eye.

And this energetic plastic surgeon has put in the time and research and finally nailed the magic formula.

For the first time plastic surgeons now have a powerful visual imagery of the proportions that make a breast attractive. ‘Now we can show women images to highlight shape and form that will actually give them what they want,’ says Mallucci.

Software has been developed using three-dimensional, predictive photography to enable surgeons to show patients on a screen how their own breasts would look with implants of different shapes and sizes.

‘Many women seek breast surgery after pregnancy has left them with deflated breasts and comment that they’d like fullness added to the top.

‘But when shown an image of a woman’s breasts that fit the 45:55 ratio versus breasts that have more fullness on the upper pole, very few women ever then select the latter.’

As Mallucci concludes, it’s not that most surgeons don’t know what makes a breast attractive, it’s just that nobody’s studied and defined it before. In theory it could lead to a reduction in the number of poor boob jobs.

I’m all for the reduction in the number of poor boob jobs.

The features analysed were the dimensions of the upper and lower pole, medical terms that describe the areas above and below the nipple; plus the angle at which the nipple points and the slope of the upper pole.

‘The study revealed that in all cases the nipple ‘‘meridian’’ – the horizontal line drawn at the level of the nipple – lay at a point where, on average, the proportion of the breast above it represented 45 per cent of overall volume of the breast and below it 55 per cent.

‘In the majority of cases the upper pole was either straight or concave, and the nipple was pointing skywards at an average angle of 20 degrees. In all cases the breasts demonstrated a tight convex lower pole – a neat but voluminous curve.

It looks like this:

It isn’t rocket science:

Men openly said they valued traits such as togetherness, honesty, respect, a sense of humour and a best friend.

But when put to a thorough attraction test, the power of sexual chemistry was also undeniable.

“What they actually also want is great boobs, a nice bum, a focus on fashion and similar interests,” Mr Jones said.

“It’s a matter of ‘come to the footy, or at least let me watch it’.”

Yeah all that bollocks in the first line is just metro-sexual gay nonsense.

I’ve met Bob McCoskrie, he’s a nice bloke, but sometimes I wonder if he is blessed with any nous when it comes to highlighting things in the media.

The prospect of bare breasts on a Saturday is the last straw for Family First.

The lobby group is furious at plans for a Boobs on Bikes parade in Auckland, on the day the All Blacks play France in the Rugby World Cup.

Steve Crow is planning a “rugby special” Boobs on Bikes parade with girls body-painted in world cup team colours.

Family First says police and councils have been very liberal about weekday topless parades.

Spokesman Bob McCoskrie says having the parade on a weekend when many families with children will be in the city will cause widespread offence.

The Auckland Council confirmed that an application for a permit has been submitted, but has not yet been issued.

Auckland Councillor Cathy Casey has spoken against the idea, saying it will make New Zealand look tacky.

The procession is planned for to travel through Ponsonby Rd, Karangahape Rd and Queen St in central Auckland.

I’ve also met Steve Crow, and he will be laughing like hell that he has once again managed to get Bob McCoskrie and Cathy Casey to nut off against his Boobs on Bikes parade. He is guaranteed good publicity now.

Both Bob and Cathy have had so many last straws that you tend to just ignore them. Cathy Casey certainly should be ignored all the time. Family First and Bob McCoskrie though do so very good work but it is diminished by coming out with silly statements like this.

These are not bouncing Swedish fun bags so what is all the fuss about?

Topless women refuse to take ban lying down

The big question is not about public censorship, it is what the f*** is the public doing funding art anyway?

It is just the guilty pleasure of the liberal elite paid by our tax dollars, and if we don’t watch out we will all be kicking in for Brian Rudman’s theatre.

This is the theatre that the market says isn’t needed because theatre acting is legacy technology super-ceded by technology like TV and Movies that actually makes money, and allows mass distribution, proving people like and want them.

With Christmas just round the corner I have found just the thing for my female readers but there’s good news and bad about the new WineRack Bra.  A gal and her pals can sip a lot of booze from the bra, but after they do, she’s going to be flat-chested again.

The WineRack with two polyurethane bladders hold up to 25 ounces of bootleg… a bottle of wine, two frozen margaritas or a couple of Irish coffees, if she prefers to keep warm.

The shell is a comfortable sports-style bra; the boob enhancers, two polyurethane bladders affixed with a flexible tube straw and adjustable sipper.

The WineRack Bra comes in small ( 32A – 36A) and medium ( 34B – 38B) and when full, increases boobs by two cup sizes. Don’t worry too much about deflation as you drink.  Once the booze runs out, you can always inflate the bra with air.

There’s really no way to discuss this without offending someone, but hey this blog is all about being offensive so I offer you a choice of three descriptions by which you can be scandalized:

• Boobze. (Bonus: Camelfront.)

• Perfect for duplicitous, predatory transvestites–as your shrinking breasts belie your masculine nature your guzzling target will be proportionately less concerned.

• Bubbly in your jubblies!

Brought to you from the same guys who brought you The Beer Belly.

A bunch of sailors aboard USS Shiloh (CG 67) have made a Star wars fan film. They worked for approximately 5 months on shooting, producing, and editing a Star Wars fan-film. “Star Wars Episode 67: The Seeds of Betrayal” takes place on the USS Shiloh, while she’s underway, and involves two Engineers (for non-Navy folks, they would be the grunts who work on engines, turbines, etc.) who handle a misunderstanding the only way two Navy Sailors should…with a light saber fight that takes them all throughout and around the ship.

In all the fuss of last week with Winston Raymond Peters, 63, Member of Parliament of No Fixed Abode and the bastard bosses at the EPMU I quite forgot to add another name to the ever growing list of victims to Helen Clark’s Curse.

Victims so far have been;

• The All Blacks, several times but most recently the quarter final of the World Cup
• The Silver Ferns at the final of World Cup
• Team New Zealand at Valencia
• Shania Twain and her marriage which collapsed soon after meeting Clark.
• John Howard
• Gordon Brown, whose poll ratings collpased almost immediately after his breakfast at Downing Street.
• Gottlieb Braun-Elwert, had been dicing with the curse for more than 10 years until he finally succumbed.

Well, as I said I missed one. Pervez Musharraf the former dictator of Pakistan who is basically under house arrest in Pakistan until after the elections and then they will toss his ass out. Back in 2005 Musharraf actually came to New Zeland and was feted by Helen Clark at a State Dinner. Stark contrast to her treatment of Frank Bainimarama but then the Commodore has probably heard of the curse and is grateful that our spiteful and nasty Prime Minister has slapped a travel ban on him.

If I was Kevin Rudd I’d be very, very nervous. He has just spent the week with Clark and has met her previously. I notice that his popularity is also taking a beating right now so perhaps he already is suffering under the curse.

The Star Wars : The Clone Wars trailer has been released.

CO-ED Magazine » Hot for Teacher: 18 Sexiest Sex Offenders

CO-ED magazine has a Hot for Teacher feature with the 18 Sexiest Sex Offenders. Yes the photo is one of them.

It has to be said: female school teachers are the new male Catholic priests.

Sexual offenses committed by female teachers is at its peak, much like the libidos of the accused. While male teachers are (rightfully) lambasted for their sexual misconduct, women seem to get off much easier – literally and figuratively. And why, you ask? The answer is simple: older women seducing younger men is part of our culture, like it or not. Just ask Mrs. Robinson, or Stifler’s Mom.

South Park touched on the subject in “Miss Teacher Bangs a Boy,” where Kyle’s little brother Ike has an affair with his Kindergarten teacher. The cops in the episode have a field day with the case, exclaiming “niiiiiiiiice” after hearing about the teacher’s naughty secret. Their point, however blurry, was well taken: everybody loves a sexed-up authoritative figure, within reason.

My point and solution? Horny teachers should wait, ever so patiently, until their prey graduates. If you’re into kids, you derserve to be locked up; if you’re into being the older lady for kicks, play your cards right, don’t break the law, and have at it like a jackrabbit.