Carmel Sepuloni

The Septic Tank is back, nastier than ever

It didn’t take Carmel Sepuloni long to go back to her old nasty ways.

Guess she’ll take over from Trevor Mallard soon for being the nastiest person in Parliament.

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Predictions results

Ok so here were my predictions from January…how did I go?

1. National Party MPs will cringe every time Hekia Parata is asked a question in the house, and will avoid being in the house when they know Hekia is going to be rinsed.

Went pretty much as predicted…and got progressively worse as the year progressed, saved only by inept Labour questioners who were more distracted by fighting amongst themselves over the leadership.

2. Nanaia Mahuta remains anonymous and never holds Hekia to account.

Yup, neither did anyone else which is bizarre because she is tits and a legend in her own mind.

3. Iain Lees-Galloway’s missus is still dirty with him every time he mentions a certain stenographer.

Not much has changed here.   Read more »

Awesome news, a right winger to stand in Waitakere?

Apparently John Tamihere is going to stand in Waitakere for Labour…even though he denied it when I asked him about the rumours last Thursday.

If it is true I’d whole-heartedly support his return to parliament and give the voters of Waitakere a good and proper right wing candidate to vote for. Though there are rumours that there may be another party involved rather than Labour.

Of course there will be a shit fight with the union heavies who will be backing the Septic Tank.

John Tamihere is understood to be eyeing a return to Parliament in 2014 – almost a decade after his former leader Helen Clark said he faced “a very long route to redemption” for an outburst in which he called females “front bums” and was dismissive of the Holocaust.

Sources said Mr Tamihere had joined the Labour Party again and was sounding out the hierarchy about standing.

Mr Tamihere would not comment yesterday, saying it was too early to speculate.

However, he is understood to be considering standing in the most marginal seat in the country: Waitakere.

That would pit him against Social Development Minister Paula Bennett but he could have to fight for selection with Carmel Sepuloni, who lost by just nine votes to Ms Bennett last year.

Ms Sepuloni said yesterday that there was “a good chance” she would stand again.


The Septic Tank aka Carmel Sepuloni reckons she is going to come back in 2014:

Former Labour MP Carmel Sepuloni may have dropped the Waitakere fight for now, but looks likely to pick up where she left off in three years time.

Labour confirmed today it would not be seeking an electoral petition for the tightly-contested Waitakere and Chrischurch Central seats.

National’s Paula Bennett led the race for the Waitakere electorate by 349 votes on election night, but lost it to Ms Sepuloni after special votes gave the Labour candidate an 11-vote advantage.

Ms Bennett reclaimed the seat with a margin of nine votes after she requested a judicial recount.

Ms Sepuloni said today the decision not to keep fighting the result was a relief.

“It would have taken months, and I was quite happy with the process and felt that it had been fair,” she told APNZ.

“It’s not the end of the world, I can go and do something else. I’m very priviledged to have been an MP, especially at the age of 31 when I got in.”

Ms Sepuloni said the seat was winnable for Labour in 2014, and there was a good chance she would be back.

Che obviously hasn’t been reading what Josie Pagani has been saying about how out of touch Labour is, particularly with the very people who mostly reside in Waitakere these days.

Labour: broke and broken

Labour have abandoned a challenge against Paula Bennett, for cost, time and legal reasons.

Labour will not mount a challenge against the cliff-hanger election result in the west Auckland seat of Waitakere, confirming National’s Social Development Minister Paula Bennett in the seat.

“We have made the decision against seeking an electoral petition,” Labour secretary Chris Flatt said today.

“We have considered all the options; legal, cost, time.”

Bennett was in the lead by 349 on election night but lost to Labour’s Carmel Sepuloni by 11 votes after specials were counted.

But that was overturned after Bennett sought a recount that gave her the seat by nine votes.

Flatt said the party had discussed the possibility of a challenge with those involved in the recount.

“We have confidence in the Electoral Commission and the process they took.”

A petition could have cost $30,000-$50,000 and possibly more than $100,000 if Labour had chosen to challenge on the basis of malpractice.

There is of course absolutely no suggestion of malpractice on National’s part. Labour are more nervous of what an electoral petition would show on their side.

In short, it’s proof that Labour are both broke and broken – they can’t afford the challenge, and they haven’t got the heart.

With David Shearer absent and disinterested in helping the interests of the union workers over Ports Crisis, and now in charge of a party with no money and no balls, it’s like John Key has Shearer’s mojo in a little box on the mantlepiece, ready for Key to take out and be amused by whenever he feels like it.

Whaleoil Redux 2011 – Q4 – December

December – 661 Posts

While David Shearer was running his campaign against David Cunliffe the Maritime union was busy shutting down the Ports of Auckland.

Any sympathy they might have had from the general populace evaporated when bloggers leaked their salary details.

I wrote a column for NBR.

Another rich prick was spotted on the wharf.

The Young Nats endorsed David Cunliffe with a “bloody exciting” video:

Labour seemed to have trouble sending their emails again so I helped out.

With all the VRWC backing Shearer and with the revelations of his plotting being conducted at a BBQ at Matthew Hooton’s house afte the election I call David Shearer the Manchurian Candidate.

Sue Moroney forgets who won the election and continues the nasty.

Chris Trotter explained how to commit economic treason and sabotage.

I went hunting. Apparently I am a bush assassin and should have used a helicopter for proper hunting. Either way the freezer is full of nice Red Deer.

I bust the Remuera Rackets Club Rampant Rooter.

I explain the Sabbath and what it means to me.

Kevin Campbell rants about deaf people, following up his stunning propensity to say and do stupid things.

Carmel Sepuloni goes nasty on her victory in Waitkare….nek minnit…she is handed her arse after a recount.

I went on Breakfast to discuss the Law Commission report on blogging and journalism.

Sue Moroney is the Queen of Nasty.

I published the letters from Ports of Auckland that the union described as “filthy, reprehensible, repugnant literature”, they weren’t

The Maritime Union then blames their continued strike on me because I published the letters.

Darien Fenton picked a fight with a blogger.

Peter Goodfellow made headlines again, for the wrong reasons.

I blog about Labour’s pending problems with resources.


I published a Guest Post about Charter Schools and how they would work.

I started my Whaleoil Awards voting:




Why Labour lost in 2011

Labour were a walking PR disaster area in 2011. In compiling my Redux series for 2011 I am gob-smacked by how many cock-ups they managed and a great many of them by their strategist Trevor Mallard.

Today a list of the Top 30 PR disasters in New Zealand has been released and when you look at it you can see why Labour lost in 2011.

4. Darren Hughes. In early March the police receive a complaint from an 18-year-old male. The incident is reported to be of a sexual nature and alleged to have occurred at Labour Party deputy leader Annette King’s home, where Hughes lived. Witnesses report seeing the complainant outside and naked that morning. Although Labour Leader Phil Goff knows about the police complaint for two weeks he takes no action and his office tells the media that no Labour MP is involved in any such complaint to Police. During this time both Darren Hughes and Annette King participate in a debate performed in front of the entire press gallery with the moot “Politics is a grubby business.” After being grilled by the media Phil Goff then admits Darren Hughes is at the centre of the Police investigation but defends Hughes stating it is a matter for the Police. He then refuses to accept Darren Hugh’s resignation (but changes his mind later on). Labour Party President Andrew Little only finds out about the matter when it hits the news headlines.

8. Phil Goff and the numbers. During The Press debate and in interviews on both Q&A and The Nation Labour Party Leader Phil Goff bumbles the numbers and fails to respond to questions with accurate figures that are the very basis of his party’s policy proposals.

13. Darien Fenton. Labour MP Darien Fenton launches a personal attack on Mad Butcher founder and philanthropist Sir Peter Leitch because he said something positive about Prime Minister John Key. She says that because he is “sucking up to John Key” and is a “sycophant” she is never going near him again and will be boycotting Mad Butcher stores. She then goes on to say she won’t buy anything from people who support Tories. After Darien Fenton apologies for her public outburst, Labour MP Louisa Wall quickly negates the apology by justifying her colleague’s attack on Sir Peter Leitch by stating:”We would have assumed Sir Peter was a working-class champion…if you look at what the National Government has done, it has taken workers’ rights backwards.”

25. Ruth Dyson. Labour MP Ruth Dyson uses tax payer’s money for a private trip for her and her husband to Ethiopia. She then agrees to refund the $16,000 once the media question her about it – stating she planned to refund the money all along.

26. Trevor Mallard. Labour MP and Election Campaign Manager Trevor Mallard accuses political strategist Matthew Hooton, Kiwiblog owner David Farrar, Minister of Finance Bill English and the PSA of apparently paying for Otago University political analyst Dr Bryce Edwards to make attacks against the Labour Party. The attack is launched after some political data showed Labour was down in the polls. Labour MP Clare Curran then joins the conspiracy theory adding that the young Nats and ‘non-Labour left’ are suspiciously ‘cosy’ with the academic Dr Bryce Edwards.

27. Carmel Sepuloni. Labour MP Carmel Sepuloni insults National MP Paula Bennett after she thinks she has won the Waitakere seat off National. However, five days later once the special votes are counted Paula Bennett wins back the seat for National leaving Carmel with egg on her face.

Heh, I caused a fair few of those.

Whaleoil Awards – Worst Politician

Ok the nominations are in for the Worst Politician of 2011:

Don Brash – for sheer amount of money he wasted alone.

Sue Moroney – The only thing she wins at is losing. She’d lose her carkeys if it was a competition. Any Nat MP wishes, nay, prays that Moroney is their opposition, because when she is their majority increases massively, this is known as “The Moroney Effect”

Carmel Sepuloni – She isn’t known as the Septic Tank for no reason.

Darien Fenton – already the winner of Worst SMOG, she epitomises the nastiness of labour. Her attack on the Mad Butcher in the middle of the election campaign just shows how truly nasty she is.

Trevor Mallard – an inept campaign strategist and a man who when given the chance of speaking always utter a lie as his first option. This veteran trougher will have to be more creative in rorting his parliamentary expenses carting his sad, crippled, arse around the various sports venues in order to blag a root from desperate women.

Simon Power – known as FIGJAM, he is singularly responsible for the retention if MMP with his numpty referendum set-up. He bollocksed up several law changes and needed to call on Judith Collins when he lost the bottle to do truly meaningful things in Justice. The mark of his ineffectiveness for National was all the love showered on him by labour when he was leaving. FFS, David Shearer even mentioned him in his yawn-fest address in reply debate.

You all get two votes on this because there is so much mediocrity, nasty.

Worst politician

  • Darien Fenton - Mad Butcher attack and general nastiness (51%, 238 Votes)
  • Carmel Sepuloni - she isn't called Septic Tank for nothing (26%, 120 Votes)
  • Don Brash - the coup, and tanking Act (24%, 110 Votes)
  • Trevor Mallard - lies as a first option (19%, 90 Votes)
  • Sue Moroney - the Moroney Effect (16%, 75 Votes)
  • Simon Power - FIGJAM, MMP, and hopeless law changes (14%, 65 Votes)

Total Voters: 466

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Sepuloni too toxic for Greens

Despite the attempts at a stitch up in Waitakere it seems that Carmel Sepuloni was just too toxic for some Greens:

A big group of Green Party supporters voting for National’s Paula Bennett in Waitakere effectively cost Labour’s Carmel Sepuloni the chance of winning the seat.

But Labour MP Damien O’Connor has both the Greens and National Party voters to thank for his victory in West Coast-Tasman.

Statistics on split voting in the general election show that half of the 3308 Green Party voters in Waitakere ticked Ms Sepuloni but 13 per cent voted for Ms Bennett – the 429 votes more than enough to give her the win.

Ms Bennett only just held on to the seat with a majority of nine after a judicial recount.

That was higher than in 2008, when Ms Bennett got the support of 9 per cent of the Green voters.

Cactus on Labour’s front bench prospects

This afternoon David Shearer will announce his front bench. It is supposedly going to be resplendent with fresh new ‘talent’. David Farrar’s picks are already out of date after Carmel Sepuloni exited after the judicial recount in Waitakere.

Cactus Kate looks at the choices and is left underwhelmed:

Being named on Labour’s front bench however is kind of like climbing your way to the top of the class but in the bottom stream of Auckland Grammar. Made worse now because all the older kids have been ruled ineligible to compete. I doubt any female will be given a grunty portfolio either requiring any real application.


Shearer will be racking his brain right now trying to get the balance right, knowing full well that King, Dyson, Street and Dalziel are light years more capable in any portfolio he gives them than any of the “talent” emerging under the Labour renewal process. Leaving them in the Backbenches may very well be his downfall.

National have a caucus of 59, a huge Backbench of their own and many MP’s bored enough to deem heckling the hapless newbies a competitive sport.

It is going to be very embarrassing for Labour when the likes of King, Dyson, Street, Dalziel, Mallard, Goff and maybe even Cunliffe have to step up and save those who replaced them from making tits of themselves in the House and in their portfolios knowing they are all still better than the newbies. A few of those named will serve their final years in long careers hand holding inferior replacements knowing they were actually only one seat away from victory and a place opposite where they are now, sitting in a Cabinet reliving their glory days under Clark.

Seeing how Mr Peacekeeper deals with keeping the oldies happy enough to babysit their replacements for three years, spinning recycled hacks above them as “renewal” and handles the classic pinko gender and race balance issues in his rankings will be the best show in town this week.

With a talent pool as shallow as a carpark puddle it is hard to see how Shearer is going to deliver on his promises. In just few hours we will know.