Craig Foss

In perhaps his last act as Consumer Affairs Minister my mate Simon Bridges really dropped the ball today and focusing on things that matter. His latest announcement is about banning small magnets.

Seriously?

Consumer Affairs Minister Simon Bridges has announced a ban on the sale of sets of small high powered magnets that have caused serious injuries in New Zealand and at least one reported death in Australia.

The magnets are sold in New Zealand under a variety of brands in stores and over the internet. These magnets – known as ‘rare earth magnets’ – are up to 50 times stronger than conventional ferrous magnets of a similar size.

“These magnets are harmless to play with but if swallowed can cause serious internal damage that can require major surgery,” says Mr Bridges.

Surely the answer should be not a ban but strong words like “Don’t swallow them, stupid”

You would have thought that if a press sec had come up to the Minister and said “Here Minister, let’s run with this issue and go on the radio” a short answer of fuck off would have sufficed.  Read more »

Could this be Fossy’s new gay ute?

The blue oval unveiled the Ford Atlas Concept at this week’s Detroit show, labelling it a vehicle to showcase the design, capability, fuel efficiency and smart technologies that will define future utility vehicles.

”The Ford Atlas Concept previews the innovations that will transform what people expect from their pickup (ute),” Raj Nair, the company’s group vice president, Global Product Development, said.

Ford claims the concept is inspired by decades of listening to customers at the places they work and play adding they believe the result is a purpose-driven design with prominent wheel arches, a wide stance and chiseled grille to reinforce its functional image.  Read more »

An email from a reader:

Cam, I’ve often thought your merciless attacks about Foss’ choice of utility were more a freudian reflection on the size of your member.

But, this came to my attention, and now, like many of your loyal readers, I clearly see that indeed you are right on everything!

Please forgive me Cam.

National needs to make better ute choices!

A concerned reader

Fossy’s gay ute isn’t a shadow of the vehicle that this Ford F-150 is:  Read more »

A concerned reader emails:

Is this Fossy’s next gay ute?

Cam, the Sydney Morning Herald has written about the new gay ute from Ford.

The issue is that they like the New Ford Ranger Wildtrak, and think Hugh Jackman would be a likely celebrity owner….it’s sickening Cam, not a good way to start 2013.

Please make sure Fossy doesn’t see this.

A concerned reader.

Yes this is certainly very concerning. I understand that Fossy is indeed looking for a new gay ute, his old gay one, that was seen off road the other day when it had to avoid a car park puddle at Napier airport, has been barely used, ever since he scored the Crown BMW limo with his ministers job. Read more »

John Key obviously reads this blog because he has sledged a radio host for his gay red top…and from the photo it appears that like his comment about David Beckham he is dead right…the top is gay:

Another foot-in-mouth moment for the Prime Minister.

John Key has courted controversy again for calling a red jacket “gay” on Friday’s episode of the Farming Show on Newstalk ZB and Radio Sport.

“You’re munted mate, you’re never going to make it, you’ve got that gay red top on,” he told Jamie Mackay, as he laid a golfing challenge down.

Maybe John Key could arrange to get Craig Foss to pick up Jamie Mackay in his gay ute.

Joe Diffie obviously hasn’t met Craig Foss or seen his gay ute:

ᔥ NZ Herald

Craig Foss is trying to rebuild confidence int he markets. How can a man with a gay ute inspire confidence?

The finance industry needs to work with the Government to help restore confidence in the markets, Commerce Minister Craig Foss told industry leaders last night.

Speaking to a record 750 guests at the Institute of Finance Professionals New Zealand (Infinz) awards in Auckland, Foss said the Government was focused on improving the regulatory environment for businesses, making the economy more productive and ensuring regulations were robust.

“The reforms in the finance sector have a crucial role to play in making this happen. We must stop, and thoroughly understand what went wrong. We can’t undo what happened, but we can work at the very least to minimise the impact of any future crisis.”

Of course it would help if the regulators weren’t run by little people with a Napoleon complex.

Hunting and Fishing are running a competition where share your photo of a Hilux in a ‘tougher than you can imagine situation’, the grand prize is a Toyota Hilux, non-gay version.

Here is our entry from the weekend…I can’t see Craig Foss putting one of these on his gay ute:

A close up of the hood ornament:

In an otherwise good article explaining why Nick Smith won more Politician of the Week awards than anyone else based on his principles and willingness to have a dust up with anyone over ideology, Matthew Hooton has a shocker when describing potential replacements.

The tragedy of his departure is that, like too many of the appointments after the 2011 election, he is likely to be replaced with a below-average-intelligence, grey, provincial yes-man, unwilling to challenge the status quo and valued simply as a safe pair of hands.

Hooton seems to think that the provinces are inhabited with troglodytes who haven’t succeeded in the real world based on intellectual rigor and their own hard work.

In Tauranga Simon Bridges is Oxford Educated, which not many westies are, and he is far to refined to have leopard skin on his car. In Rotorua Todd McClay build a substantial lobbying business in Brussels, which is arguably not the real world but it was bloody successful, created links with many New Zealand businesses and did a lot of diplomatic work for Pacific nations. And succeeding in lobbying at one of the biggest parliaments in the world may not be my idea of success but it is better than being a successful unionist in a backwater like the New Zealand union movement.

Louise Upston’s mastery of policy details and background in leadership training means she is a safe pair of hands and has the potential to lead, not to just to administer.

From Hawkes Bay Chris Tremain turned a moderately successful family business in to a highly successful one, at the same time as making huge contributions to sports in HB. He is not in parliament “safe pair of hands”, going on record to upset the small minded in Napier, challenging the status quo on amalgamation. Craig Foss may have a gay ute but he was as successful in banking on an international scale as John Key before entering parliament.

Chester Borrows is a bit too wet on law and order, when he could man up and back the prevailing wisdom which is working world wide. His willingness to take a stand that is unpopular in National show he is not “unwilling to challenge the status quo”.

In the Wairarapa highly intelligent former diplomat John Hayes has well over 40 years of standing up for what he believes in, and not being afraid of a turn up for a good cause. At Lincoln he tried to remove the students association from the New Zealand students association, allegedly because they were a pack of communists, radicals, pooftas and other misfits. John can rest easy at night knowing he fights the good fight and is not one of Hooton’s “below average intelligence”.

Further South Amy Adams has shown herself to be willing to take on difficult issues, and no one has ever accused her of being a “yes-man”. Jo Goodhew is hugely popular in her electorate, and it is a travesty for Hooton to describe her as grey.

Michael Woodhouse may not be favored by the voters in Dunedin but he came to parliament with a track record of success in a difficult industry, where challenging the the status quo is an important part of success. Anyone that knows Michael knows he has a fine intellect, and is definitely not “below-average-intelligence”.

David Shearer is missing in action.

This week of all weeks he needed to be front and centre, leading debate on all things political.

In more than six years there has never been an opportunity like a meddlesome judge throwing foreign ownership back on the plate, asset sales and a Finance Minister with incredibly loose lips, and the appearance of political interference by political appointees…all in the same week.

Where was David Shearer?

Missing in Action. Sure he was in the house but Labour is intent on following National’s poorly thought out play book that they used for Don Brash. They are protecting Shearer in parliament and letting others smack up ministers…the only problem is they are bombing their opportunities.

Clare Curran has appalling delivery, she tried for three days straight to shoot a possum, startled in the headlights and missed every time. She would stand to ask questions and take the call despite having no idea what question it was that she was going to ask…she would uhhmm and ahhh and make up her question on the fly and bomb it. She should have spanked Craig Foss who isn’t living up to all his Gilmore-esque hype. She failed.

David Shearer ceded the asset sales and foreign ownership debate to Winston Peters, who is looking more and more like the leader of the opposition…or at the very least like a co-leader with Russel Norman.

By fronting Campbell Live together with Winston Peters he put Winston on the same level as him. And Winston Peters, in one of his more lucid moments pwnd David Shearer.

David Shearer should never have fronted with Winston Peters, but then again it may have been part of the deal he made at less than secret dinner at Trade Kitchen on Wednesday night. Another part of that dinner deal was the handing of an additional parliamentary question from labour to Winston Peters on the Crafar farm issue.

Winston was given the question ostensibly to land a hit on the Prime Minister. It failed, Winston bombed the question…leaving me questioning why Labour would even bother handing a platform to Winston Peters again. If they had taken just a moment of thought they would have withheld that question, the Prime Minister is never int he house on Thursday anyway, and neither was David Shearer.

The fact that Winston Peters bombed the question shows what a poorly thought out decision it was, and then when Clare Curran was left hanging just when she really needed another question to smash Craig Foss in the face it wasn’t there. This was a poor house strategy, one can only imagine that Trevor Mallard was distracted with his own problems to have thought that one through properly.

Which brings me to the Mallard Problem that David Shearer faces. Trevor Mallard destroyed any momentum Labour had this week. Totally and utterly destroyed…once again through ineptitude and political stupidity labour was left shaking their collective heads at their political strategist.

When the issue broke Labour’s leadership ordered Mallard to apologise, repay and shut up. He chose to ignore them all despite repeated attempts to silence him. He went on a one man rampage through the media trying to justify a position that could not ever be justified. He proved himself to be an embarrassment and he still has not used the hardest word.

Trevor Mallard thumbing his nose at the leadership is the very obvious signal to every one watching on from the beltway outwards that David Shearer is not  control of his party. He needs to show some leadership and show it quickly. Trevor Mallard provides him with a perfect opportunity.

If I was David Shearer what I would do is immediately strip him of his Shadow Leader of the House position and find him a seat out of camera shot of the front bench. I would remove his spokesperson role for America’s Cup and give him something that requires zero travel…like Statistics or something equally demeaning. When he throws his toys, as he will as sure as the sun rises each morning, then I would invite him to resign his seat, he may as well anyway because I would be explaining to Trevor that with the loaded constitution of the party it is very unlikely he will get selected in Hutt South ever again. He may like to think that the residents of Hutt South love him but the political reality is that the rest of the country hates him.

Unless it is over politically for Trevor Mallard it will be over politically for David Shearer.