England

Live in England but only speak English? You can no longer become a cop.

All new constables in the Metropolitan police must be able to speak a second language apart from English from today.

The astonishing requirement emerged in an advert for fresh recruits posted online by the country’s biggest force.

From today, anyone wanting to join the Met must be able to speak English and one of the following 14 languages:

 

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Photo Of The Day

Photo Source Unknown. The streets of Gillingham were lined with thousands of mourners.

Photo Source Unknown.
The streets of Gillingham were lined with thousands of mourners.

The Fireman’s Wedding Disaster

Gillingham Park, Kent, England. For many years the highlight of the summer for local residents was the annual summer fete. Lasting for a couple of days, it also acted as an important fundraiser for the local hospital, St. Bartholomew’s. On the last day of the fete the local fire brigade would enact a wedding ceremony with two firemen dressed as a bride and groom. They would have fun mingling with the crowds for the day, collecting donations for the hospital and in the evening they, along with other “guests” would retire back to their home for their “wedding reception”. The guests were comprised mostly of young Naval Cadets, Sea Scouts and some firemen. The “house” was a simple mock up with three stories lashed together using timbers and a canvas tarpaulin for walls.

The grand finale of the fete was a demonstration of the prowess and skills of the fire brigade as they rescued all of the guests from the house after it mysteriously catches fire. Safety equipment such as hooks and slings were placed in strategic locations and a fireman was charged with the task of lighting smoke fires to simulate the fire.  He would then make his way to the top of the building and sound the alarm to signal the rescue. The boys would wave their hands and cry for help. The escape equipment would be released and the fire brigade, waiting near by would rush in from both the front and rear of the building to rescue the occupants. Once the house was safely emptied of its guests, flammable substances already in place on the first floor would be lit. In an exciting and well-anticipated finale the house would go up in flames for real.

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FitzSimons says Kevin Pietersen is the exception to the No Dickhead Rule

A no Dickhead Rule is imperative in politics and sport.

It appears the England cricket team has a No Dickheads rule and are excluding Kevin Pietersen but Peter FitzSimons disagrees and says he should be exempt.

Something fascinating is going on in English cricket at the moment.

(And there, I say to myself, is a phrase not oft used ‘neath the Southern Cross for many and many a’moon, … but I digress.)

See, former English cricket captain Andrew Strauss had no sooner been installed in the position of Director of English Cricket, than he was asked – some 10 seconds into his first press conference, what his attitude towards outcast, troubled genius England batsman Kevin Pietersen was.

Look, I am paraphrasing the sentiment here, rather than quoting the words, but Strauss essentially said he’d sooner put hot knitting needles in his ears than ever allow Pietersen back into the same postcode as the England cricket side, let alone the team itself. No, he didn’t specifically cite the No Dickhead rule, but that is what it boiled down to.

There is a “massive trust issue” between Pietersen and the England Cricket Board, Strauss said, and therefore a return for Pietersen is “not in the best short-term interests of the side.”

Alas for Strauss was that as he was speaking, Pietersen was finishing up a triple-century for his Surrey county side of such breath-taking genius that even opposing fans got blisters from clapping.

See, English stocks have fallen so low they couldn’t beat the lowly-rated West Indies in a Test series. But allow Pietersen back in?

Not on your nelly.

I humbly submit, even as a great admirer, and booster, of the “No Dickhead Rule”, that Strauss is badly mistaken in this.

For yes, its inventor, Swans coach Paul Roos, demonstrated the efficacy of the rule during his successful reign in Sydney.

But it was never a cast-iron rule, and there was always a let-out clause to it, which it is apposite to cite now.

Are you reading, Andrew Strauss?

On page 2 of the No Dickhead Handbook, second paragraph, third line, it reads:

“When the said dickhead is so extravagantly talented, it would be sheer madness not to have them in the team, you may not only ignore the ‘No Dickheads Rule’, but – and never more than when your own stocks are lower than a snake’s belly-button – you may even crawl across cut glass to have them.”

Roos invoked that clause a couple of times recruiting the likes of Spida Everitt to the side, and was well rewarded for his trouble.

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Photo Of The Day

Photo: George Rodger

Photo: George Rodger

Wartime Life In Dover

A War Correspondent waits for action on Shakespeare Cliff.

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Accents of the British Isles… excellent job

Join the navy. It will be awesome. Promise.

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Face of the day

Peter Fulton scored his second test century in the same match yesterday, scoring 136 and 110. Fulton became only the fourth New Zealander to hit two centuries in the same test after Glenn Turner, Geoff Howarth and Andrew Jones.

bbc.co.uk

Sports Talk: NRL/Cricket

The third cricket test (or was that the first?) between the  Black Caps and England at Eden Park in what will be the final chance to produce the first and only result in what has been a dead series dominated by neither England nor the Black Caps, but the weather.  The Black Caps will have a hard grind to pull a decent result to snatch a win from the worlds second best test team at a ground they haven’t won a match at for 404 days. They will take some comfort in Kevin Pietersen being ruled out due to a knee injury, but still leaves a potent batting lineup that could prove difficult to remove for New Zealands reasonably inexperienced bowling attack.

404 days since a win, that can’t be a good omen

404-error

 

Sportsfreak:        Read more »

Sports Talk: Cricket, NRL

Cricket: The second Test between the Blacks Caps and England starts at the Basin Reserve today, and hopefully this time it won’t be the Barmy Army providing the only entertainment after an inconclusive result in Dunedin last week. An unchanged side will take the field:

New ZealandPeter Fulton, Hamish Rutherford, Kane Williamson, Ross Taylor, Dean Brownlie, Brendon McCullum (captain), BJ Watling, Tim Southee, Bruce Martin, Neil Wagner, Trent Boult.

England are also likely to name an unchanged side. Captain Brendon McCallum said if they win the toss they would likely to bowl first in order to gain an advantage in the first day. Read more »

Ginger bashing goes back to Greek Mythology

After readers expressed their discomfort with making fun of gingers, it required some more research:

GINGER FACTS & MYTHS

GINGER FACTS & MYTHS

1. Red hair is seen on the heads of only four percent of people. Most of these exist in the U.K., the Republic of Ireland, and Australia.

2. There is a belief that redheads are prone to industrial deafness. This actually could be true as the melanocytes are found in the middle ear.

3. A 2002 study found that redhead are harder to sedate than any other people requiring twenty percent more anesthesia. Inadequate doses cause people to wake up during surgery and have increased recall of procedures.

4. In the late 16th century, the fat of a redheaded man was an essential ingredient for poison.

5. The Egyptians regarded the color as so unlucky that they had a ceremony in which they burned red-headed maidens alive to wipe out the tint.

6. An Irish judge in 2001 fined a man for disorderly conduct stating “I am a firm believer that hair coloring has an effect on temper and your coloring suggests you have a temper.”

7. Redheads have always been thought untrustworthy. Judas is most always depicted as a redhead displaying the prejudice against red hair.

8. Adolph Hitler reportedly banned the marriages of two redheads as he feared their children would be “deviant offspring”.   Read more »