England

FitzSimons says Kevin Pietersen is the exception to the No Dickhead Rule

A no Dickhead Rule is imperative in politics and sport.

It appears the England cricket team has a No Dickheads rule and are excluding Kevin Pietersen but Peter FitzSimons disagrees and says he should be exempt.

Something fascinating is going on in English cricket at the moment.

(And there, I say to myself, is a phrase not oft used ‘neath the Southern Cross for many and many a’moon, … but I digress.)

See, former English cricket captain Andrew Strauss had no sooner been installed in the position of Director of English Cricket, than he was asked – some 10 seconds into his first press conference, what his attitude towards outcast, troubled genius England batsman Kevin Pietersen was.

Look, I am paraphrasing the sentiment here, rather than quoting the words, but Strauss essentially said he’d sooner put hot knitting needles in his ears than ever allow Pietersen back into the same postcode as the England cricket side, let alone the team itself. No, he didn’t specifically cite the No Dickhead rule, but that is what it boiled down to.

There is a “massive trust issue” between Pietersen and the England Cricket Board, Strauss said, and therefore a return for Pietersen is “not in the best short-term interests of the side.”

Alas for Strauss was that as he was speaking, Pietersen was finishing up a triple-century for his Surrey county side of such breath-taking genius that even opposing fans got blisters from clapping.

See, English stocks have fallen so low they couldn’t beat the lowly-rated West Indies in a Test series. But allow Pietersen back in?

Not on your nelly.

I humbly submit, even as a great admirer, and booster, of the “No Dickhead Rule”, that Strauss is badly mistaken in this.

For yes, its inventor, Swans coach Paul Roos, demonstrated the efficacy of the rule during his successful reign in Sydney.

But it was never a cast-iron rule, and there was always a let-out clause to it, which it is apposite to cite now.

Are you reading, Andrew Strauss?

On page 2 of the No Dickhead Handbook, second paragraph, third line, it reads:

“When the said dickhead is so extravagantly talented, it would be sheer madness not to have them in the team, you may not only ignore the ‘No Dickheads Rule’, but – and never more than when your own stocks are lower than a snake’s belly-button – you may even crawl across cut glass to have them.”

Roos invoked that clause a couple of times recruiting the likes of Spida Everitt to the side, and was well rewarded for his trouble.

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Photo Of The Day

Photo: George Rodger

Photo: George Rodger

Wartime Life In Dover

A War Correspondent waits for action on Shakespeare Cliff.

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Accents of the British Isles… excellent job

Join the navy. It will be awesome. Promise.

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Face of the day

Peter Fulton scored his second test century in the same match yesterday, scoring 136 and 110. Fulton became only the fourth New Zealander to hit two centuries in the same test after Glenn Turner, Geoff Howarth and Andrew Jones.

bbc.co.uk

Sports Talk: NRL/Cricket

The third cricket test (or was that the first?) between the  Black Caps and England at Eden Park in what will be the final chance to produce the first and only result in what has been a dead series dominated by neither England nor the Black Caps, but the weather.  The Black Caps will have a hard grind to pull a decent result to snatch a win from the worlds second best test team at a ground they haven’t won a match at for 404 days. They will take some comfort in Kevin Pietersen being ruled out due to a knee injury, but still leaves a potent batting lineup that could prove difficult to remove for New Zealands reasonably inexperienced bowling attack.

404 days since a win, that can’t be a good omen

404-error

 

Sportsfreak:        Read more »

Sports Talk: Cricket, NRL

Cricket: The second Test between the Blacks Caps and England starts at the Basin Reserve today, and hopefully this time it won’t be the Barmy Army providing the only entertainment after an inconclusive result in Dunedin last week. An unchanged side will take the field:

New ZealandPeter Fulton, Hamish Rutherford, Kane Williamson, Ross Taylor, Dean Brownlie, Brendon McCullum (captain), BJ Watling, Tim Southee, Bruce Martin, Neil Wagner, Trent Boult.

England are also likely to name an unchanged side. Captain Brendon McCallum said if they win the toss they would likely to bowl first in order to gain an advantage in the first day. Read more »

Ginger bashing goes back to Greek Mythology

After readers expressed their discomfort with making fun of gingers, it required some more research:

GINGER FACTS & MYTHS

GINGER FACTS & MYTHS

1. Red hair is seen on the heads of only four percent of people. Most of these exist in the U.K., the Republic of Ireland, and Australia.

2. There is a belief that redheads are prone to industrial deafness. This actually could be true as the melanocytes are found in the middle ear.

3. A 2002 study found that redhead are harder to sedate than any other people requiring twenty percent more anesthesia. Inadequate doses cause people to wake up during surgery and have increased recall of procedures.

4. In the late 16th century, the fat of a redheaded man was an essential ingredient for poison.

5. The Egyptians regarded the color as so unlucky that they had a ceremony in which they burned red-headed maidens alive to wipe out the tint.

6. An Irish judge in 2001 fined a man for disorderly conduct stating “I am a firm believer that hair coloring has an effect on temper and your coloring suggests you have a temper.”

7. Redheads have always been thought untrustworthy. Judas is most always depicted as a redhead displaying the prejudice against red hair.

8. Adolph Hitler reportedly banned the marriages of two redheads as he feared their children would be “deviant offspring”.   Read more »

Poor Little Britain

Imagine a 40 per cent marginal tax rate

In the hope of raising £3.3billion by 2018, Mr Osborne announced he would limit the size of the increase in the personal tax thresholds.

Currently, everyone can earn £8,105 without paying a penny of tax. For the next £34,370 they earn they pay income tax of 20 per cent.

This means that once they have a salary of £42,475, they would pay 40 per cent income tax for every additional pound they earn.

Quite why you would stay in England paying for bludging ferals to breed in their Council houses to get hit with a 40 per cent marginal rate at around NZ$80k I do not and never will, understand.

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England’s Code of Conduct Needed For Shearer

Faced with ill-discipline and in-fighting among players the England FA has come out with a list of Do’s and Dont’s for their players.  It is not a bad guide for politicians to follow so I have re-written it for say….ergh….ughm……the Labour Party and David Shearer.

Add your own in comments if you so wish.

The don’ts and the dos

Don’t

* Use drugs without doctor’s permission telling the Leader

* Disclose confidential information about any aspect of playing for England our caucus meetings or strategy

* Wear red and pink together, ever  unofficial sportswear from personal endorsements

* Consume alcohol in public without the express permission of the manager Leader

* Use drugs or banned substances

* Use room service or adult channels

* Bet on i-predict or buy and sell on TradeMe any football matches

* Criticise people on Twitter or Facebook, especially while in the House

Do

* Respect Parliament, your colleagues and the Speaker opponents, officials and supporters

* Respect culture and traditions of host nations Unions and our members

* Acknowledge the supporters at the end of the game and when on the coach travelling to training and games our members at conferences and meetings

* Respect drug-testing officers

* Respect hotel staff at Skycity

* Be on time for team caucus meetings.

* Use a sensible amount of time playing video, updating twitter, Facebook or computer games such as Angry Birds.