Human Interest

This isn’t a pity post, it is an explanation, apology and a promise. I am well on my way to reshaping my life without prescription drugs for depression, and without depression, I don’t want pity.

I suffer from long term depression and depersonalisation disorder. But those are just labels and certainly not in any way excuses, but to some extent I have been using them as excuses and that must end.

I has been a hard six years. Six years in which I have destroyed pretty much everything that I ever had. I have destroyed relationships, friendships, wealth, talent, and I almost destroyed my will to try to get better.

It is hard to know now, after taking Prozac, Citalopram, Venlafaxine, Zyban and numerous sleep medications and anti-depressants that I have forgotten the names of, whether through all of that drug induced haze it was depression causing depersonalisation or the other way round. Either way the combination of the two essentially destroyed, pretty much totally my life, or at the least the life I thought I had.

One thing I have learned though is the pathology of both the illnesses and I try everyday to avoid the causes or the situations that lead to them. Consequently I am now risk averse, avoid fights in person like you would avoid cancer, and have conditioned myself to almost be like Pavlov’s dogs immobile to the pain and hurt being inflicted upon me, mostly by my own actions.

I have hurt people close to me, my family, my friends and I have hurt other people too. Mostly I don’t even know that I am doing it and when I come out of a DPD episode beat myself up over what I did. It is almost too hard to explain in any other way than like living in a movie. But living in that movie seems so real, but like the movies ultimately it isn’t, except the pain, anguish and suffering that I cause to other people because of my actions, that is real, and that is awful, and I have to live with that and the consequences of it. One of the most profound consequences being loneliness. I mean who wants to be around such a complete c*nt? Someone who is awful to even his closest friends. No-one does, why would you?

For all those people I have hurt and abused through my insensitive, rude and obnoxious behaviour I apologise unreservedly. I make no excuses, and lay no blame on anyone but myself. That is one thing I do alot though, blame myself. No one is harder on me than me, it is one of the things I need to learn to do better.

Next year is going to be a challenge, but one that I am prepared to meet. I am going to act and treat people like I want people to act and treat me. Take this post as an early New Years resolution. And take this blog post as a heartfelt apology to all the people I have affronted. There will be changes, I need to make changes, there has to be changes, what those are I’m not exactly sure yet, but I certainly need to be looking to be as happy with my life and circumstances as I can possibly be. I will address the real reasons for my depression. I will make the necessary changes so that, going forward, I can be hopeful and optimistic about the future, and in doing so, become a better man.

Will I stop calling out politicians? No I will not. Will I stop being me? No I will not. But what I will be is a better friend and better blogger and a better person.

This is the last post I will ever do about depression. I am over it, physically and literally…it has almost got me, but I will not, and do not give in. It will not beat me, not now, not ever.

To the people who kicked me in the butt this year, and those who supported me I give my heartfelt thanks. I truly haven’t appreciated you, know now that I do.

The last thing that I will say is that this year I will learn to love myself again. If I can achieve that then life will truly be on the mend.

Ignoring the merits, or in this case the demerits of the issue, the child featured in the photo has literally no hope. Afflicted with Silly First Name Syndrome, ill-will has already befallen it in the form of a state house eviction, nothing good will come in the future either.

CAN’T GIVE IN: Huia Tamaka, with baby Kingdezzy, 1, outside their home in Farmer Cres. “I’ve got nowhere else to go, so it’s to the bitter end for me,” Mrs Tamaka says.

None of this would have happened if she hadn’t afflicted her child with Silly First Name Syndrome.

UPDATE: It gets worse, in the dead tree version there were 5 kids in the photo. Kingdezzy (1), BaileyBaz (3), MightySilver (2), Toru (9), Layton (12)

Peter Dunne is starting to sound and act more and more like the Grinch for Christmas this year.

Peter Dunne chairs the Northern Festivals Committee which runs the Johnsonville and Tawa Christmas Parades

For those who don’t know Wellington’s northern suburbs Johnsonville is a community which focuses on families. Tomorrow is the annual Johnsonville and Tawa Christmas Parades.

Peter Dunne has progressively been making Christmas parades a party political broadcast for him.

• In 2009 the National Party requested to be involved in the Johnsonville Christmas Parade and was told that no political parties were allowed to be in the parade
• Katrina Shanks, forbidden from particiapting in the Santa parade, by the Peter Dunne chaired committee helped to collect on the Plunket float as an individual.
• That year the Johnsonville Citizens Advice Bureau float needed children on their float and so Katrina Shanks children participated on that float along with other kids.
• Both Labour and National helpers handed out hundreds of free balloons for the kids. Charles Chauvel was likewise banned from the parade. Obviously the balloons were red and blue…ironically very christmassy colours.
• Peter Dunne was on the Father Christmas float as an elf. It made the papers at the time….so no politicians or parties were to participate….except for Peter Dunne.

Right that has got some of the history out of the way. Now onto this year.

• The spies of the Whale are informed reliably that concerned community groups are up in arms after having been informed by the northern festivals committee that no balloons, lollies or fliers were to be distributed this year in the parade. Only floats which were children focused could be involved
• The Groups were concerned that the focus had been taken off the children and community groups, even though the parade is for them
• A number of groups are not participating this year in the parade because of this including:
  • RSA – who are an important community organisation. This is an outrage. If any group has the right to march in our streets it is the RSA.
  • CAB – who have had a float in the parade every year, but not this year because of Peter Dunne’s manipulations of the committee.
  • Even Plunket apparently has no float and will be walking the parade instead.

I have been informed that Katrina Shanks intends to defy the no balloons edict and will distribute balloons to eager children waiting for the parade to begin. Surely this is what Christmas is all about, a xmas parade is about the children, and the child in all of us? I presume that Charles Chauvel has organised something similar even though he is sunning himself in Cancun trying to save the planet.

However this all raises some questions that the supposedly family friendly Peter Dunne needs to answer.

1. Why were these decisions made?
2. Why ban balloons, how grinchy is that?
3. Was the decision motivated by politics – excluding other MPs, by the chair?

Regular readers will know that I have run a campaign to draw attention to the awful life experiences that happen to people who suffer from Silly First Name Syndrome. Today a prime example of silly first name syndrome has been reported in the NZ Herald.

Wairarapa police are looking for 21 year-old Customline Ford, who has a warrant for his arrest, for breaching court-imposed bail conditions.

Detective Tracey Calder said Ford is facing charges including burglary, theft from a motor vehicle and receiving.

“We believe Ford is in the Wairarapa or Wellington areas and would like to speak to anyone who may know his whereabouts.”

Ford has gang connections and should not be approached.

No surprises here that Customline Ford has found his way to the notice of the constabulary. With a name like that I imagine there is a trail of destruction following him around. Its real Deliverance country down there in the Wairarapa for sure.

I’m still surprised the Greens haven’t yet called for a ban on Silly First names, they have wanted to ban almost everything else.

It is still Movember and so you guys out there can do your part to help. There are still 10 days left.

I am doing this because close to one in ten men will experience depression in their lifetime. Many of these men do not seek help.

This is a cause I feel strongly about and I’m asking you to support my efforts by making a donation to me.  To help, you can either:

•    Click this link http://nz.movember.com/donate/your-details/member_id/17568/ and donate online using your credit card or PayPal account
•    Write a cheque payable to ‘Movember Foundation,’ referencing my Registration Number 17568 and mailing it to: Movember Foundation, PO Box 12708, Wellington, 6144

All donations are tax deductible to the extent permitted by law.

Movember - Day 20

mahue

1. (stative) be left behind, deserted, given up, abandoned, passed by, left out, omitted, missed out, gone by, separated (marital status).

Modern usuage:

Mother and Aunty tried to mahue baby.

They tried to leave her behind at McDonalds.

Movember - Day 4

I have said that music is one o the things that gets me through my depression and DPD episodes. Here is another of my favourites, The Verve, Lucky Man, again it is a combination of the words and the tune that I like. The songs that help the most mean something to me, and the songs snap me out (temporarily) of my DPD episodes.

The only sad thing is that the f*ckwits at EMI don’t allow embedding…I have o idea why they would do that…surely they’d like to see their songs spread far and wide.

The only industry more intransigent and unreasonable than the music industry is the insurance industry and companies like Fidelity Life who ignore medical advice and add to their clients mental health issues by treating them like crap.

You can support Movember  by making a donation to me or my team.  To help, you can either:

•    Click this link http://nz.movember.com/donate/your-details/member_id/17568/ and donate online using your credit card or PayPal account
•    Write a cheque payable to ‘Movember Foundation,’ referencing my Registration Number 17568 and mailing it to: Movember Foundation, PO Box 12708, Wellington, 6144

All donations are tax deductible to the extent permitted by law.

To join my Movember team go to http://nz.movember.com/register/105390 and follow the steps. Once registered you’ll be sent all the information you need to raise funds and start growing as part of my Movember team.

Andrew Williams is on a bender for sure as the pressure mounts. When he isn’t spraying trees in Takapuna he is spraying all over Facebook. It’s like he has discovered a new form of txt messaging. Only a complete moroin would post on David Farrar’s wall. Virtually the whole world can see his narcissistic bully boy attitude now.

Andrew Williams sprays more than trees

The man is a nasty little bully and doesn’t like it when someone stands up to him. He complained to the Police, sent 10 emails between 2 and 3am to them and issued press releases about it in an attempt to shut me up. The Police confirmed with me the other day that a complaint had been laid but no offence had been committed and as such they would be taking no further action.

Now faced with someone calling his behaviour to account he is now spraying abuse all over the internet and defaming someone I have met only at candidate meetings and has today called for my removal from the ballot paper because according to him “I’m not a serious candidate”.

Well I have news for Andrew Williams, I am deadly serious as a candidate….at removing him from the council. He is a disgrace.

When I confronted him him about his appalling comments about welfare beneficiaries he refused to talk, preferring to shelter behind the skirts of a woman. Like all bullies when confronted, Andrew Williams cut and run.

Vote Slater for Albany and rid Auckland of his antics.

Vote Slater - Albany - Auckland - Keeping the Buggers Honest

Here are the letters from Julia Gillard and John Key that were read at Morrie Stanley’s funeral.

Major Morrie Stanley MBE

and

Letter for Morrie Stanley’s Funeral

Today I attended the funeral of a true Kiwi hero. It’s a pity that the NZ media weren’t there. The best they can manage was this piece from NZPA.

The Australians though, boy they know how to honour a hero. Film Producer Martin Walsh was there and live streamed the funeral on the internet. I live tweeted as best I could. Australian Prime Minister Julia Gillard sent a personal message which was delivered by one of their top Army fellows an Wayne Mapp made a short speech including a tribute from John Key.

I had a chance to meet Martin and chat and also to chat with Bob Buick afterwards. It was a real honour to meet him.

I had the chance to chat with many veterans of the battle, and was made to feel most welcome amongst them. I was amazed how many have read my blog posts about Vietnam and their particular part in that war.

I also got to have a chat with the current commander of 161 Battery. Very nice chap, turns out is an avid reader of my blog and tweets.

I’m sorry my photos aren’t that good, just from my tied old Blackberry but they are the only ones there are. They really don’t do the man honour, but its the best I could do.