humour

Barbara Dreaver and Michael Field, news story writing competition

Blacklisted TVNZ journalist Barbara Dreaver touches down in Fiji for first time in eight years. Image: From TVNZ One News video

Blacklisted TVNZ journalist Barbara Dreaver touches down in Fiji for first time in eight years. Image: From TVNZ One News video

“No one who reports on events in Fiji fairly and in a balanced manner is excluded. Any journalist is free to criticise my government or me in an opinion piece of report criticism by others in their news stories. But we cannot allow the wilful propagation of false information that damages our national interest and undermines our [Fijian] economy. And that is what has happened in the case of certain journalists and others from Australia.”

Bainimarama cited TVNZ footage of military tanks in the streets of Suva, even though Fiji had no tanks, and a claim that Fijian children were starving and eating grass.

-Stuff

Michael Field

Michael Field

Instead of being ashamed and apologetic for making up the news instead of reporting on it Barbara Dreaver and Michael Field are upset that they are no longer welcome in Fiji. To show our support for their special kind of journalism I invite you all in the comments to submit a 1-2 paragraph News report complete with accompanying photo.

*Remember that you do not need to let the truth get in the way of a good story. This is a Barbara Dreaver and Michael Field news story writing competition so we are not concerned about the facts, just a gripping tale.

To get your creative juices flowing I have submitted my own entry below.

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Eleanor Catton movie leaks online prior to premiere at NZ Film Festival

via Metro Mag

via Metro Mag

Eleanor Catton was elevated against her will as a prominent New Zealander after winning the Man Booker Prize for her hefty tome.  Fellow citizens were delighted, and just as they like to bathe in the reflected glory of an All Blacks victory as if they had personally had to pick the mud and grass from their teeth after a try, they claimed Ms Catton’s achievement as their own.

And that’s where things went wrong.

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Labour fundraising off the back of past glories

Labour does not have a glorious future planned for voters. Their message consistently has been one of removing the government and stopping John Key. They do not have a vision, apart from a New Zealand where John Key is not the leader. Given their lack of vision and policies it is no surprise that they are relying on Labour’s past successes in order to try to fundraise for its future.

Juana,

Twenty-nine years ago today, a Labour Government passed legislation banning nuclear ships and arms from entering our country.

It was a proud period in our country’s history: we stood on our own two feet against the superpowers of the world and said no to nuclear weapons.

To celebrate the occasion, we’re releasing two limited edition t-shirts remembering David Lange’s immortal words from the Oxford Union Debate and Labour’s commitment to a nuclear-free country.

Click the link in your email client if these images haven't downloaded Click the link in your email client if these images haven't downloaded
GET YOURS NOW ($40)
GET YOURS NOW ($40)

The proceeds from every sale go directly to electing the next Labour Government in 2017.

Thanks,

Andrew Kirton
Labour General Secretary

Based on these T-Shirts and the State houses’ tea towels they were selling earlier, Labour’s campaign slogan should be,’ New Zealand’s future is in the past. Vote Labour.’ 

OR

‘A vote for Labour is a vote for the good old days.’

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But seriously those T-Shirts and tea towels are so boring. They need to be selling ones similar to these…

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Offensive sexist and racist photo & headline on Left wing blog

I am sooooooo offended. Its’s sexissssssst and raaacissst. My feelings have been hurt, someone call the Human Rights Commission quick.

If positions were reversed and this below photo and headline had appeared first on Whaleoil, it would have been all Lefties to the pumps to pour petrol on the fire.

PHOTO-The Daily Blog

PHOTO-The Daily Blog

This photo of three well known female politicians was mocked in an offensive way as the professional women were compared to monkeys.The headline read..Hear no poverty, see no poverty, speak no poverty: We have lost what it means to be a Kiwi.
This headline is a clear reference to the three monkeys and the saying hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil.

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maxresdefault

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Andrew Little offers me an advance copy of his speech but there is a catch

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Imagine my excitement yesterday when I received another e-mail from my good mate Andrew Little. For just a second I thought he said he was delivering his speech at Mac Donalds but closer inspection revealed that it was in fact Mac’s Conference Centre.

As Andrew told me that he wanted me, YES ME, to be one of the first to read his speech I eagerly clicked on the link thinking, great that’s another easy blog post sorted. But alas, my excitement was premature as this popped up…

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A people-powered movement

I seem to be receiving emails from Andrew Little with monotonous regularity now so I have livened it up with a few pictures to make it more interesting for you all.

Juana,

When I became the Leader of the Labour Party, one of my top priorities was building our people-powered movement of Labour supporters around New Zealand.

pop-ink-csa-images-happy-women-with-man-on-hamster-wheel

pop-ink-csa-images-happy-women-with-man-on-hamster-wheel

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More proof (if it was needed) that German humour is problematic at best

Angela_Merkel_Juli_2010_-_3zu4

Germany’s Angela Merkel has agreed to allow prosecutors to pursue a case against a German comedian who mocked Turkey’s President Tayyip Erdogan, prompting accusations she’s failed to protect free speech and has split her ruling coalition.

Erdogan had demanded that Germany press charges against Jan Boehmermann after he recited a poem about the Turkish leader in a show on German public broadcaster ZDF on March 31, suggesting he hits girls, watches child pornography and engages in bestiality.

You see, that’s not funny.   Strike 1.   Read more »

I am feeling all left wing today, let’s ban some stuff

We libertarian conservatives really miss out when it comes to banning things.  We support freedom of choice and freedom of religion so we don’t generally call for bans on things.  I say why should the left wing have all the fun?  They want to ban Whaleoil, they want to ban opinions that they don’t like, they want to ban the use of certain words and change place names. They want to ban certain light bulbs and showerheads but I say it’s time we called for a few bans of our own.

First on my libertarian conservative agenda is builders butt crack. It offends me. It gets my libertarian conservative  knickers in a knot.  It is unsightly. Whenever I see one I always get a crazy urge to pop a flower down it. I cannot be the only one who feels this way?

BAN Number ONE: Builders’ Butt crack

Builder's butt crack is offensive and needs to be banned.

Builder’s butt crack is offensive and needs to be banned.

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I admit using headlines to grab your attention

I have noticed that the word ‘admit ‘ is commonly used by Media to make something look dodgy. A headline that caught my eye today is an example.

screenshot-whaleoil.co.nz

screenshot-whaleoil.co.nz

There are so many things that are true and totally innocuous that can be made to look dodgy by the simple use of the word ‘admit’. Its inclusion makes us think that the person named is ashamed or was pressured in some way to tell the truth. In some cases that may actually be correct but in others the word has been added only to make an eye-catching headline.

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Caption Contest

Are you good enough to write MSM quality headlines? Here are four examples of headlines for the same story.

Try to come up with your own version, no need to be sheepish, let your ability shine. The person with the most upvotes wins.

ONE:

Screen Shot 2016-01-23 at 12.50.13 pm

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