humour

More proof (if it was needed) that German humour is problematic at best

Angela_Merkel_Juli_2010_-_3zu4

Germany’s Angela Merkel has agreed to allow prosecutors to pursue a case against a German comedian who mocked Turkey’s President Tayyip Erdogan, prompting accusations she’s failed to protect free speech and has split her ruling coalition.

Erdogan had demanded that Germany press charges against Jan Boehmermann after he recited a poem about the Turkish leader in a show on German public broadcaster ZDF on March 31, suggesting he hits girls, watches child pornography and engages in bestiality.

You see, that’s not funny.   Strike 1.   Read more »

I am feeling all left wing today, let’s ban some stuff

We libertarian conservatives really miss out when it comes to banning things.  We support freedom of choice and freedom of religion so we don’t generally call for bans on things.  I say why should the left wing have all the fun?  They want to ban Whaleoil, they want to ban opinions that they don’t like, they want to ban the use of certain words and change place names. They want to ban certain light bulbs and showerheads but I say it’s time we called for a few bans of our own.

First on my libertarian conservative agenda is builders butt crack. It offends me. It gets my libertarian conservative  knickers in a knot.  It is unsightly. Whenever I see one I always get a crazy urge to pop a flower down it. I cannot be the only one who feels this way?

BAN Number ONE: Builders’ Butt crack

Builder's butt crack is offensive and needs to be banned.

Builder’s butt crack is offensive and needs to be banned.

Read more »

I admit using headlines to grab your attention

I have noticed that the word ‘admit ‘ is commonly used by Media to make something look dodgy. A headline that caught my eye today is an example.

screenshot-whaleoil.co.nz

screenshot-whaleoil.co.nz

There are so many things that are true and totally innocuous that can be made to look dodgy by the simple use of the word ‘admit’. Its inclusion makes us think that the person named is ashamed or was pressured in some way to tell the truth. In some cases that may actually be correct but in others the word has been added only to make an eye-catching headline.

Screen Shot 2016-04-08 at 9.36.07 AM Screen Shot 2016-04-08 at 9.37.40 AM Screen Shot 2016-04-08 at 9.37.52 AM Screen Shot 2016-04-08 at 9.38.01 AM

Read more »

Caption Contest

Are you good enough to write MSM quality headlines? Here are four examples of headlines for the same story.

Try to come up with your own version, no need to be sheepish, let your ability shine. The person with the most upvotes wins.

ONE:

Screen Shot 2016-01-23 at 12.50.13 pm

Read more »

Tagged:

Faces of the day

Believe it or not socialists have hearts too. With that in mind I have compiled a collection of faces of the day with Valentine messages suitable for them.

Screen-shot-2013-01-29-at-1.00.59-PM

Read more »

Face of the day

Mayor Henriette Reker

Photo courtesy AP Images.

Today’s Face of the Day, Henriette Reker, is mayor of Cologne. She has been criticised for appearing to blame German women for being molested by migrant men. In her speech she said that women just have to be better “prepared” when they go out in public:

This means, they should go out and have fun, but they need to be better prepared, especially with the Cologne carnival coming up. For this, we will publish online guidelines that these young women can read through to prepare themselves.

Be better prepared? What a great idea. I have some great suggestions for appropriate clothing and accessories over the break.

Read more »

Sick of being sexually assaulted? You need our code of conduct

Have you had a guts full of being sexually assaulted as you try to go about your normal business unmolested? Are you a European woman in a country that tolerates Islamic cultural diversity? Has your female Mayor cautioned against blaming your Muslim migrant attackers for the assaults? You need our gold-plated code of conduct to ensure your protection. With the assistance of Breitbart.com, we here at Whaleoil have put together everything you need into one handy little booklet.

codeconduct

Read more »

Whaleoil reveals sources

Many many people want Whaleoil to reveal its sources. Some even want to know Cameron’s favourite source. Others claim that after Dirty Politics Whaleoil no longer has any sources, and that they have all dried up. They are all wrong. Today for the first time ever I am going to reveal some of Whaleoil’s sources, including Cam’s favourite one. I hope you can all handle the truth because some of it is pretty hard core and hard to handle. There is no way that I would ever deal with some of these sources myself as they are far too dangerous.

Read more »

Tagged:

Are there any jokes we are allowed to tell anymore?

Telling jokes has become offensive. Comedians are about to become extinct because the perpetually outraged are shutting down joke telling.

This time it is dwarf jokes that have outraged.

When Jimmy Carr warned The One Show his jokes might get them into trouble, the presenters probably took it as another quip.

But yesterday the BBC1 programme found itself at the centre of a formal probe by the broadcasting watchdog, after a risque comment about dwarves backfired.

Carr, who was on the show to promote his Greatest Hits tour, told viewers that he had once come up with a two-word gag.

He said: “I tried to write the shortest joke possible. So, I wrote a two word joke which was: ‘Dwarf shortage’. It’s just so I could pack more jokes into the show.”

He then looked directly at the camera and added: “If you’re a dwarf and you’re offended by that, grow up.”

Read more »

Tagged:

Exclusive Interview with Mr X’s ‘X’

unnamed

In which Cameron Slater may/or may not conspiratorially Moderate an interview with  John Stringer, but the identity of Mr X’s ‘X’ will remain anonymous because s/he knows those involved and for fear of retaliation. His or her observations are to the best of our knowledge accurate although their opinions,  poems and baseless allegations are of course their own and not endorsed in any way.
[A lot of ex-pelicans have been deleted from this dialogue. Damn, that spell checker again!].
Cameron Slater  Intervener.  Well, thank you for being here in such love and support.  Can you confirm you are in fact John Stringer?”
John Stringer Mr X’s ‘X’:  Well, to quote the rather gun-ho Semen Lusk, “You might say that Mattie, but I couldn’t possibly comment.”
Intraveiner: That sounds a bit dirty…politics.
Mr X’s “X’:  I can assure you Intraveiner, it’s all in vein and bloody good.
Intravenous:  How much did you pay Mrs Y, was it sex figures?

Read more »

Tagged: