Jane Clifton

Something for Labour to remember as they hammer Judith Collins today in parliament

Helen Clark and Trevir Mallard with Labour's biggest donor, Owen Glenn,  at the opening of a University building Glen paid for.

Helen Clark and Trevor Mallard with Labour’s biggest donor, Owen Glenn, at the opening of a University building Glen paid for.

Labour is going to attack Judith Collins today in parliament…over a drink of milk…apparently this is the worst indication of corruption seen in New Zealand.

We know this because Mrs Mallard (Jane Clifton) has signalled it in her column today (not online).

But Labour should remember a few things of their own.

They are making a huge fuss over a photo and some chinese text written by someone offshore. They need to remember that politicians pose for photos all the time.

But their own behaviour isn’t that flash either. As the photo shows above Helen Clark was happy to open a building paid for by Owen Glenn, named after him when he was their single biggest donor ever. On top of that he was also a large donor to NZ First at the time.  Read more »

Labour’s Red Wedding

As the bloodshed continues Jane Clifton likens Labour’s blood-letting to the Red Wedding in Game of Thrones.

He has won, and won well. But the ever-culturally connecting Twittersphere is already looking forward to David Cunliffe’s “Red Wedding”: Tuesday’s caucus meeting.

As Game of Thrones followers know, the dreaded wedding was attended in good faith by rival kingdoms who thought they were invited in the spirit of reconciliation, but a striking number of guests were executed by the victor even before the bouquet-toss. Cunliffe will long have been calculating how many scalps he can take from among his caucus opponents, without perpetuating the deep divisions from which his party is suffering. He has already indicated senior roles for his two leadership rivals, Grant Robertson and Shane Jones, and for former leader David Shearer. But lust for caucus blood-spillage within the party appears pretty strong. If he doesn’t wreak vengeance, his supporters will be bitterly disappointed. Those identified as ABCs – Anyone But Cunliffe – are obviously on automatic notice. But it’s not that simple, as few of them are expendable. Beside Robertson, the ABC ranks have included top younger party talents Jacinda Adern and Chris Hipkins, along with respected former leader Phil Goff and popular frontbench veteran Annette King.

The smart money is on Cunliffe restricting utu to the least cuddly of his opponents: top of the demotion list, Trevor Mallard and Clayton Cosgrove. Clare Curran, who has for a second time caused fur to fly in the thick of an election campaign through injudicious blurts on social media, may join them in the dogbox.

Mallard has been knifed, as has Hipkins…what will happen to Cosgrove?

The older members may just shuffle off into the mists of time. They lost, end of story.

Of course they may just wait and watch to see of Cunners fails.

Shameless RTD promotion

Pinko blogger David Farrar celebrated his 10 years of arts, fitness and travel blogging by hosting a party.

One of those stumping up was paymaster and RTD producer Independent Liquor. (David Farrar thanks them here)

Cactus Kate calls them “Liquid Panty Remover” recognising they’re designed for young girls, and in this case female Young Nats and lothario Jordan Williams.

image001-1 Read more »

Gutted like a….snapper

You know things are dire for David Shearer when Jane Clifton suddenly bursts forth about just how tits David Shearer is. I’d say one of his main protectors has now quietly slipped off the Titanic after drilling holes in Shearer’s lifeboat.

Ever since Don Brash, visiting a boatyard during an election campaign, was filmed “walking the plank”, politicians have been extra careful about avoiding unfortunate symbolism.

Unaccountably, the Opposition leader’s office forgot this wise precaution yesterday.

Either that, or no-one could manage to dissuade David Shearer, seeking to illustrate a point about snapper quota, from producing two of the fish in Parliament yesterday.

The Government did not know which piscine wisecrack to go with first. They were, of course, dead fish. Necessarily, they were fish out of water – though at the same time, they were as good for target practice as fish in a barrel. Depending on how long they had now been out of water, they could also end up as cat food.

Mr Shearer’s senior benchmates reinforced this point by indicating playfully, but rather unhelpfully, that the fish were getting a bit whiffy.

Poignantly, though Mr Shearer’s staff had failed to protect him from the inevitable fish-related farce, he had come equipped with a paper towel roll to wipe his hands – though journalists at a subsequent press conference reported he still smelt fishy.

Prime Minister John Key sought leave for Mr Shearer to table the fish so he could get them cooked for his dinner. He had already made a meal of Mr Shearer.  Read more »

Shearer’s gang or is it the last supper?

The Listener had an article by Trevor Mallard Jane Clifton about ongoing coup against David Shearer.

In it was a brilliant photo that left much un-said.

I thought I’d add some of the things that the photo spoke to me:

Listener - Shearer's Gang Read more »

Luckiest Man in New Zealand?

Jane Clifton gloriously takes the piss out of Brendan Horan.  A complete mocking where she concludes Horan is the luckiest MP around.

He can continue to collect not too far shy of $200,000 a year for the next couple of years, being in his new caucus of one, assigning himself to do nothing in particular if he can’t think of anything to do that he fancies.

Provided he turns up to Parliament for most sitting days, there is nothing to stop him collecting his full pay and, as David Lange used to say of MPs’ other entitlements, flying to Timaru every week to change his library books if he feels like it.

He suffers the worst fate of all, comparisons with Alamein Kopu.

In resisting the brow-smiting exit, he need look no further for precedent than the former Alliance MP Alamein Kopu, who, turfed from her caucus for chronic absenteeism, continued to come to Parliament as a fully fledged MP basically to drink cups of tea with the then Prime Minister Jenny Shipley.

Kopu made no contribution to public life before, during or after her time in sacked exile – unless you count the one extra vote the National Government was only too happy to have. But did she feel shame? Not on your Nelly.  She had been selected by her party peers, and her legal position was bullet-proof.

And everything the public loathes about MP’s.

He can continue to collect not too far shy of $200,000 a year for the next couple of years, being in his new caucus of one, assigning himself to do nothing in particular if he can’t think of anything to do that he fancies.

Tweet of The Day

It had to happen at some point.

Jane taking the piss out of the hapless Trev.

Tweet of The Day

 

Kim Dotcom On Your Chest

Oh dear. How did this one make it to print in a family magazine?

In key word summary.

Hole, tunnelling, loosening……bla bla bla (insert Labour brainwash) bla bla bla (insert Labour brainwash) bla bla Kim Dotcom ….affair….(insert Labour brainwash) auntie’s bunion…… bla bla bla…. sucking…..rabbit……(insert Labour brainwash) bla bla bla.

I can forget all that on a Friday, but never what followed.

“Kim Dotcom were to come and sit on your chest”.

Make.

The.

Mental.

Image.

Go.

Away.

 

The Listener should be forced to give out special edition Neuralyzers.

Press Complaint?

Did I Hear “M…..ole”?

Whack a mole” according to Jane Clifton.

How topical given we all know who the real mole  is.  I posted on it at the weekend.

First a vigorously protesting member of the public shouted from the gallery about God being mocked, and then a succession of MPs bobbed up incessantly, saying “Point of order! Point of order!” Though Speaker Lockwood Smith kept verbally whacking them down, the bobbing moles had the upper hand for quite some time.

It is not Winston. Although Clifton came up with a great description.  A MOP “mole of perseverance”. The Speaker should have named that Old Mole after showing him the leather of his sole.

Mr Peters, however, was a mole of perseverance. Ordered out next for continuing to harangue Dr Smith, he redoubled his invective.

While Lockwood Smith is whacking them, David Shearer sat quietly and will not accept his real mole has put him in a hole after his own goal.