Jokes

A ERO school inspector is sent to assess a Year 4 class in a local School. He is introduced to the class by the teacher.

She says to the class, “Let’s show the inspector just how clever you are by allowing him to ask you a question”.

The inspector reasons that normally in this integrated school class starts with religious instruction, so he will ask a biblical question.

He asks: “Class, who broke down the walls of Jericho?”  

For a full minute there is absolute silence. Eventually, little Billy raises his hand.

Billy stands up and replies, “Sir, I do not know who broke down the walls of Jericho, but I can assure you it wasn’t me”.

Of course the inspector is shocked by the answer and the lack of knowledge of the famous bible story and he looks at the teacher for an explanation.

Realising that he is perturbed, the teacher says “Well, I’ve known Billy since the start of the year, and I believe that if he says that he didn’t do it then he didn’t do it”.

The inspector is even more shocked at this and storms down to the principal’s office and tells him what happened, to which the principal replies “I don’t know the boy, but I believe his teacher. If she feels that the boy is innocent, then he must be innocent”.

The inspector can’t believe what he is hearing. He grabs the phone on the principal’s desk and in a rage, dials Read more »

The EU has won a Nobel Peace Prize for bailing themselves out and running out of wars to fight.

The Norwegian prize committee said the EU received the award for six decades of contributions “to the advancement of peace and reconciliation, democracy and human rights in Europe.

“The stabilizing part played by the European Union has helped to transform a once torn Europe from a continent of war to a continent of peace,” Nobel committee chairman Thorbjoern Jagland said.

They probably most need the 10 million SEK.

Past winners are listed here.

ᔥ the tipline

A little joke for you all:

Racism! Everyone seems to be in such a hurry to scream ‘racism’ these days!

A customer asked, “In what aisle could I find the Guinness?”

The shop assistant asks, “Are you Irish?”

The guy, clearly offended, says, ”Yes I am. But let me ask you something, If I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian? Or if I had asked for
German Bratwurst,would you ask me if I was German? Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish? Or if I had asked for a Taco, would you ask if I was Mexican? Or if I asked for Polish sausage,would you ask if I was Polish?”

The shop assistant says, “No, I probably wouldn’t.”

The guy says, “Well then, because I asked for Guinness, why did you askme if I’m Irish?

The clerk replied, “Because you’re in Bunnings’.”

I note that the story has made the Herald on Sunday.

This post isn’t about the tweet. When I posted it last night I posted it saying I bet he gets in trouble for it. But I can now see where this is story is going and my prediction is it is going nowhere. I’ll tell you why.

In this country it is ok to make jokes about Jews. Muslims no way, but Jews yes. About the Governor-General, no and the jokester must be sacked, but Jews yes. You can’t make jokes about Indian Commonwealth Games preparations but you can about Jews. You can’t make jokes about Maori, but you can about Jews. Jews and the Exclusive Brethren, they are the ones where there is open season for joke telling.

This is the double standard that exists in New Zealand. I doubt we will see UNITE union flunkies protesting outside Raybon Kan’s employer, or boycotting his shows, because all he did was tella  joke that offended some filthy Jews.

No don’t get me wrong, I’m with David Farrar on this issue, but I wonder where the shriekers and yellers from the left that scream racism and take offence at much less are on this issue?

Their silence is telling. Next time they screech in outrage about some joke or another we should point at this case and tell them to STFU.

People mock George W Bush but this is perhaps one of his best bitch-slaps of a numpty media hack.

hat tip Clint Heine.

Recently on an international flight there was a medical emergency. The flight crew were coping but the passenger deteriorated quickly. A decision was made to seek medical assistance from the passengers and so a call was made on the aircraft’s intercom system. You know the call;

“Ladies and Gentlemen, could I have your attention please, If there is a Doctor on board this flight could they please make their whereabouts known to the crew, thank you”

The crew waiting for the usual way that passengers make their whereabouts known, the crew page button. There we no lights, they were in a quandary. The passenger wasn’t looking good and there appeared to be no doctor on board.

Then a small, ruddy faced, grey headed man appeared.

“I am a Doctor, how may I assist”

The crew quickly explained the situation to the ruddy faced, grey headed man who progressivly got first paler and then bright beetroot red, presumably with embarrassment. You see the good Doctor who voluntered to assit in the medical emergency was in fact a Doctor of Social and Economic History.

Before you scoff, this is a true story and happened just a short while ago.

Bill Ralston: Words are louder than actions – 17 Feb 2008 – Politics: New Zealand Political News, Analysis and Comment including 2008 election coverage – NZ Herald

Bill Ralston writes about Clark’s insincere policy initiatives of the past week;

Yep, she missed the boat on that one. Tagging will continue in spite of the government. (no it isn’t an error, I used in spite on purpose). What about the much vaunted “Affordable Housing” policy that isn’t;

Precisely Mr Ralston. Labour’s Affordable Housing policy is a dog. I hope they defend it long and hard until it is too late to drop the stupid thing.

Community board rebel says bypass city council – A former Auckland community board member is calling on her colleagues to take a stand over the biggest shake-up in Auckland's governance.
Three-term Hobson Community Board member Julie Chambers is urging community boards to submit… [Auckland News]

Julie Chambers shows us today why it was a wise move for Citizens and Ratepayers to NOT select her to represent Hobson at the recent local body elections. She is patently is as mad as a snake and completely full of her own importance.

She rather stupidly thinks she is still a community board member and shows clearly that she would never have made the step up to councillor. Her inability to follow simple rules like paying your membership and keeping confidentiality agreements shows her madness up for everyone.

She should just scuttle back under the rock whence she came and try again in three years to win, although as long as she is aligned with veteran loer Chris Diack that possibility is entirely remote, in fact as remote as Chris moving out of mum and dad's house before he reaches 60. 

This picture frame packaging was spotted at Coin Save in Ngongotaha.

Hmmmm interesting concept, How exactly do you shave a heart?