Marriage

I love you for you brain. No, really I do.

Adam Lusher at The Independent writes

In what may be interpreted as a victory for feminism and a sign that men now stand even less chance of winning an argument with their wives, researchers have discovered that marriages today have the best prospects of survival when partners have the same level of education.

The generation of husbands who married in the early 1990s, the researchers found, was also the first to be happy with wives who were as smart or smarter than them.

This, the study confirmed, was a reversal of the 1950s, when Marilyn Monroe starred in Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, and when a marriage was most likely to last when a husband was better educated than his wife (and could presumably flatter him by saying that he knew best).

After her team analysed the fortunes of thousands of American couples who had married from the 1950s to 2004, Professor Christine Schwartz, of the University of Wisconsin, said they had discovered “trends towards a more egalitarian model of marriage in which women’s status is less threatening to men’s gender identity”.

Her findings suggest a seismic shift from the 1950s, where the man was traditionally the breadwinner, and the wife was expected, as one home economics textbook of the era advised, to “have dinner ready for him on time [and] offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soft, soothing and pleasant voice”.

Can I just please add that the soft, soothing and pleasant voice doesn’t really need to be a casualty of feminism?  You can be intelligent and have a soft, soothing and pleasant voice.  Just sayin’   Read more »

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Public outrage at Church ultimatum

via sojo.net

via sojo.net

You may recall our article on this topic yesterday:  a 72 year old lady, how had lived with her unmarried partner for 3 years was told she no longer could remain a member of the church; unless she married him.

Bridget Railton provides an update   Read more »

Church: Marry him or pack your bags

You don’t really expect this situation to crop up these days, with debates around lesbian priests and transgender marriage, but it appears one church down south has gone back to basics

A 72-year old Southland woman has had her 30-year church membership revoked because she lives in a de facto relationship.

The Calvin Community Church, a presbyterian church in Gore, has revoked the membership of one of its long-term members because her relationship with a man she lives with was “at variance with what is expected of a member of Calvin Community Church”.

The woman said she was told “out of the blue” she had to either marry her long-term partner, leave him, or no longer be a church member.

She was still able to attend the church, but she has declined to do so because “they have discussed my private life around the table”.

“I was shocked. I was very upset at the way it was put to me, someone just phoned me out of the blue and I was told I had to either marry him or I can’t be a member of the church.”

“This is 2014, not the 1950s, times have changed.”

You have to wonder if there is something else going on and this is simply a way to eject her on a technicality.  But no, the Calvin Community Church does really seem to insist on having the old fashioned standards implemented rigorously.   Read more »

I knew it! Two new studies prove what we have always known

Another couple to add to the list of totally useless studies.

So, if you have a nagging spouse it can be a bit depressing and it’s harder to get in the mood for something positive…stop the clock, who knew or could have seen that result. Ground breaking.

Being married can make people more prone to depression, a study reveals.

Constant nagging and domestic spats are significant triggers of long-term stress that cannot be outweighed by the positive aspects of wedlock, scientists found.

It can also make husbands and wives far less responsive to positive experiences.

Previous research has shown married people are, in general, happier and healthier than singletons.

But an 11-year study by the University of Wisconsin-Madison poses a question mark over the decades of research linking single life to long-lasting social stress.

The researchers assessed a group of married adults for depression, and gave them questionnaires to rate their stress on a six-point scale.

Nine years later, the questionnaire and depression assessments were repeated.

In year 11, the participants took part in ‘emotional response testing’, measuring how quickly they can recover from a negative experience.

The test, commonly used to assess depression, monitors the frowning muscle – or, the corrugator supercilii.

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What’s worse than corruption or cheating for politicians?

For a politician it is pretty bad to be accused of corruption, worse of cheating like Len Brown.

But there is something that voters take more seriously than both of those…hypocrisy.

Quinnipiac University did a fascinating — and remarkably well-timed – poll in which they created a fake Congressman (James Miller a 53 year old married man with 2 kids) and then asked voters how they would react to various piece of information about Miller. Those tidbits ranged from his carrying on an extramarital affair to his hiring of a family member unqualified for a job.  And, by a somewhat wide margin, the hiring of the family member was seen a a far more egregious — and fireable — offense than cheating.

Just one in four (24 percent) of voters say they would “definitely” or “probably” vote for Miller if  he “created a new, well-paid position on his staff in order to hire an unqualified family member as a favor.”    Contrast that with the four in ten (39 percent) people who say the would “definitely” or “probably” votes for Miller if he was “unfaithful to his wife with another woman.”

hypocrisy-chart Read more »

Photo Of The Day

© Abbas/Magnum Photos

© Abbas/Magnum Photos

 Marriage by Proxy

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Photo Of The Day

Photo: Noriko Hayashi

Photo: Noriko Hayashi

Grab and Run: Kyrgyzstan’s Bride Kidnappings Read more »

The perils of equality in a marriage, much less sex, dud roots and boredom

Housework is gay, and here is the proof.

A study called “Egalitarianism, Housework and Sexual Frequency in Marriage,” which appeared in The American Sociological Review last year, surprised many, precisely because it went against the logical assumption that as marriages improve by becoming more equal, the sex in these marriages will improve, too. Instead, it found that when men did certain kinds of chores around the house, couples had less sex. Specifically, if men did all of what the researchers characterized as feminine chores like folding laundry, cooking or vacuuming — the kinds of things many women say they want their husbands to do — then couples had sex 1.5 fewer times per month than those with husbands who did what were considered masculine chores, like taking out the trash or fixing the car. It wasn’t just the frequency that was affected, either — at least for the wives. The more traditional the division of labor, meaning the greater the husband’s share of masculine chores compared with feminine ones, the greater his wife’s reported sexual satisfaction.

For all you blokes out there…housework…just don’t do it.

I first noticed this while doing a yearlong training in marriage therapy. I was seeing a couple who had been married for five years and wanted to work out some common kinks related to balancing their respective jobs, incomes and household responsibilities in, as the wife put it, “an equal way.” Over the course of treatment, the couple reported more connection, less friction and increased happiness. One day, though, when their issues seemed largely resolved and I suggested discussing an end to their therapy, the husband brought up a new concern: His wife now seemed less interested in having sex with him. He turned to her and asked why. Was she still attracted to him? After all, he wondered, why did she appear less interested now that their relationship seemed stronger in all the ways she wanted?  Read more »

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Love or subjugation?

Have you seen this little lifestyle gem on Stuff today?

Check photo 2 – yep, the one with the 15 year old groom and the 14 year old bride with her head in a sack.

Ahmed Soboh, 15 and his bride Tala, 14, stand inside Tala's house which was damaged during an Israeli strike in 2009, during their wedding party in September, 2013.

Ahmed Soboh, 15 and his bride Tala, 14, stand inside Tala’s house which was damaged during an Israeli strike in 2009, during their wedding party in September, 2013.

 

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Love and Marriage may not go together like a horse and carriage

by blokeintakapuna

What if “Marriage” was not the auto-default setting for human relationships? Sure it seems to be the “ideal” most are conditioned to accept – even from a young age, but remaining “single” and capable/enabling of brief, intense liaison’s between consenting adults should also be a perfectly valid auto-default setting also – yet the constant narrative is only about “marriage & committed, monogamous relationships”.

In today’s world where many social norms are being out-paced by an ever-evolving and fast-moving social society, out-pacing traditional customs and tired, legislation also – maybe we should re-examine our auto-default setting regarding monogamy/marriage/cheating and divorce?

Generally as a society, we’re still very prudish – as evidenced on TV (and especially in USA) where naked breasts are hardly ever shown in bedroom scenes – let alone a naked female nipple – all whilst they simulate, but never show, actual fucking. Yet, rather than be completely “natural” about various human body parts for authenticity, our prudishness is allowed to flourish under the cloak of righteous sanctimony, as we the sheeple, follow traditional customs and social mores as dictated by someone else’s sense of proprietary and morals, preordained from many generations ago.   Read more »