Rome

Come on, you didn’t really think I would go soft and take a government position did you? Or quit blogging? Surely you didn’t think that National would do something sensible in mt Albert like run Don Brash? There also isn’t a Dairy and Fast Food vendors association for so thre wouldn’t be any appointments there. Though I am not sure that the Worth sacking was a joke….might have to wait on that one.

Today is April Fool’s Day and boy some of you are just hysterical. THe emails and voicemails feature some very powerful and connected people who fell for it.

Plenty have pranks have been played;

• DPF teased us all with the suggestion that Cullen was the going to be the new Governor of the Reserve Bank
• The NZ Herald had a story about Microsoft buying Apple
• Cameron Brewer, the nice guy from the Newmarket Business Association put out a press release calling for Auckland to go one step further and declare themselves a republic.

“We’re effecting advocating for a two-city model for the region – the Super City of Auckland and Newmarket.

The Newmarket Business Association had advised Local Government Minister and local MP Rodney Hide of its intentions. Mr Brewer has just returned from a study trip to Whangamomona – a remote Taranaki ghost town that has actively promoted its constitutional independence over the past 20 years.

• But perhaps the best April Fool’s trick was the done by The Standard where they annouced that they were outsourcing their infrastructure offshore and paying good money to American Corporates for the hosting of their site. They even bagged local hosting companies. It surely must have been a joke because Lynne, the guy with the girls name, has pulled the post. Surely they wouldn’t abandon Kiwi workers and businesses over few paltry shekels.

The self-appointed Mayor of Newmarket is set to get a massive increase in his constituency.

The Newmarket Business Association ran a poll of local businesses and property owners in the areas just outside of the current boundaries came back with a 91.4% acceptance to be included in Newmarket’s zone.

The self-appointed Mayor must be very pleased with this result and with the increase in new constituents that will result.

It is a testament to the value that locals have for the business association and Mayor Brewer’s management that they would vote by a landslide for this boundary extension and the resulting extension of the Mayor’s already impressive ego.

I was listening to Leighton Smith this morning and he gave the self appointed Mayor of Newmarket and veteran media wh….(can’t say that under threat of legal action), Cameron Brewer a right good slapping for his silly ban on Rodney Hides stunning yellow jacket.

Leighton Smith has said to Brewer live on radio that until he lifts his ban on Rodney’s jacket then he [Smith] will be placing a ban on Newmarket.

Brewer was for once in his life was dumbstruck!

In further news about Brewer’s silly ban there is an article in the East and Bays Courier about it. There is a shot (left) of Rodney looking fit and svelte in his jacket while Brewer is there in his poo-coloured, I think he calls it mushroom, jacket.

Brewer is out of control!

Short of recent publicity in Auckland, self appointed Mayor and veteran media wh….(sorry can’t use that term for fear of litigation) has decided to pick on Rodney Hide’s new designer jacket. I spoke with Rodney this afternoon and he tells me that the jacket was specially tailored for him by RJB Design of High Street and he thinks that is why the self appointed Mayor of Newmarket has gone all high dudgeon on him, simply because the jacket wasn’t from Newmarket.

“We really like Rodney but this time he’s taken it too far. We are working hard to promote Newmarket as New Zealand’s Fashion Capital. Yet our local MP is walking around looking like an official from the 1982 Brisbane Commonwealth Games. It’s an intolerable sight, and we beg Rodney to desist,” said Cameron Brewer, head of the Newmarket Business Association today.”

However Mr Brewer, himself the wearer of garish clothing has been caught well and truly in a classic pot, kettle, black fashion (excuse the pun). Just last week there was a truly appalling photo of the self appointed Mayor and veteran media wh….(sorry can’t use that term for fear of litigation) in the Taupo Times of all places, sheesh can’t he pull PR in Auckland anymore? Brewer was wearing a bright pink shirt, he’d probably call it “Cambridge Red” and a garish Karitane Yellow coat with matching foul tie.

Brewer should take his own advice;

“For sure we see the occasional fashion faux pas around the place, but this is completely unacceptable from someone in a leadership role. To be getting around in a crass canary campaign coat is simply offensive to Newmarket, particularly during school holidays.

“What kind of message does this send out to our young people? It implies that when you’re in position of power you can wear whatever you want no matter how inappropriate or horrid a garment may be. It’s not right and so we’re taking a stand,”

On another note, quite apart from any fashion verdict, I don’t think there is any authorisation statement on that coat of Rodney’s, I wonder if Labour will lay a complaint under the Electoral Finance Act over it, here’s hoping.  I hope Rodney wears it into parliament next week, that’ll get the Speaker going.

On Tuesday I rang the self proclaimed media whore and Mayor of Newmarket, Cameron Brewer.

He was moaning about the cost of mailing out his monthly Newmarket propaganda sheet. “It’s now a $1.50 to snail mail out an A4 envelope” he protested.

So I wasn’t surprised to hear on airwaves the very next morning his Worship ripping into that old favourite S.O.E NZ Post. He was getting stuck into a NZ Post’s Mother’s Day advertising campaign which states if you telephone on Mother’s Day it shows you’ve remembered, but if you post her something it proves you care. It was “emotional blackmail” according to Newmarket’s number one commercial hawker and self promoter extraordinaire.

Lets not forget the Brewer was trained in the bowels of parliament (Eeewww!) and knows what a reaction he would get from the government-owned postal department’s PR people.

Foolishly, they should have ignored Brewer’s little gripe. But no. They waited 26 hours and then put out a piss weak statement this morning defending their campaign. Brewer will be in seventh heaven. He’s set to get days of media coverage and will feel slightly better about paying $1.50 to send his A4 portraits of himself out with every presser.

A lesson of what can happen when you piss off people who make a career out of stirring.