Rooting

ᔥ The Local

I think I have found why Trevor Mallard chose a career in politics over banking:

A German banker and his secretary caught having sex in his 56th floor office are facing punishment – not for romping in the office but for wasting work time, Bild newspaper reported on Wednesday.

A colleague walked in on the pair as they were sprawled across the banker’s desk high up in the Helaba bank headquarters in Frankfurt.

But the punctilious co-worker was less shocked by what they were doing than the fact that neither of them had ‘clocked out’ prior to their extra-curricular activities, violating bank regulations.

As far as managers were concerned, the thrust of the affair was not that the pair were getting down and dirty on a desk – but that they were technically bonking on the bank’s time.

Luckily for Mallard, MPs (or Labour Party blondes) don’t have to complete those pesky private sector timesheets.

ᔥ The Local

Designer vibrators in an erotic shop for women (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Germans are the kinkiest rooters in Europe according to latest league tables:

Germans top the unofficial kinky league table, a new survey on between-the-sheets behaviour revealed Tuesday. It demonstrated that nearly half of Germans like “tools and gadgets” – more than any other country.

But while 44 percent of Germans like “tools and gadgets that make it more fun” the interest in electric sex aids ends there, since only 16 percent are aroused by “sexy illuminating underwear.” This was the joint lowest score, well below the international average of 23 percent.

By contrast, one in three Chinese people said lingerie that lights up does it for them every time.

Before they get the tools and gadgets out, Germans are not averse to a bit of mood-setting – 40 percent said they liked romantic music. But don’t bother with your Beyoncé CDs if you want to seduce a German – only four percent like to bonk to R ‘n’ B.

What separates Germans from other countries, though, is the preference for keeping the lights on. As many as 53 percent of Germans like to see clearly what’s going on, a figure topped only by the Spanish with 56 percent.

That figure is in stark contrast to the Brits, 65 percent of whom lived up to their nation’s repressed stereotype and said they preferred to have sex in the dark – the largest proportion of all countries surveyed.

More illuminating than Germans’ favourite underpants were the various answers to the question, “Why would you turn the light off when you are ready for fun?”

While the vast majority of people across the world answered either, “because it’s sexier that way,” or “I dare to do the naughty stuff,” but some, including 19 percent of Germans, said, “I don’t find myself that attractive.”

The less charming responses “I don’t find my partner that attractive” or “I prefer thinking about someone else” were given by five percent of brutally honest Germans.

The survey, carried out by Swedish tennis legend Björn Borg’s underwear chain, surveyed over 1,700 18-30-year-olds in nine different countries across the globe.

ᔥ the Tip Line

Whale,

Is it true that indeed Trevor Mallard’s cycle group is more a collective of women he pathetically induces into training his aged body with the hope of blagging a root

When caught around town by people wondering what on earth he is doing with women younger than his children, he lamely  introduces these poor unfortunate lycra clad women as his “cycle friends” and winks at passers by hoping they think he is getting his leg over and out?

Your friendly, reliable anonymous source.

ᔥ the Tip Line

Whale

Apparently while conducting an affair of the heart at the taxpayers expense in Taupo Trevor Mallard was the lowest, basest cur imaginable. At the same time he was tupping his one and only in Taupo he was riding with a riding group in Wellington, and in clear conflict with his sports portfolio he was riding one of his fellow riders as well. Her employment at a state funded sports organisation causes me to point out that Trevor Mallard may well have a conflict of interest, as well as being a dirty dog.

Your friendly anonymous and reliable source.

ᔥ the Tip Line

Whale

When Trevor Mallard was commuting to Taupo on the tax payer to commit an affair of the heart, or was that an affair of the groin, he was unable to quite provide enough affection. So his paramour was forced to look else where when Trev was in Wellington, to keep warm and night and to keep in training for her trysts with Trevor.

This became problematic for the Crown limo drivers in arranging to drop off the expectant Trevor on his return to ensure his paramour was home in her bed and not in someone elses.

Your friendly anonymous and reliable source.

NFWAB

A good lesson for politicians. Don’t root around on your missus or it will bite you on the arse.

Chris Huhne has become the first Cabinet minister in living memory to be charged with a serious criminal offence after the fall-out from his acrimonious divorce left him facing court, a potential jail sentence and the end of his political career.

The Energy Secretary was forced to resign within minutes of the announcement by the Crown Prosecution Service that he had been charged with perverting the course of justice. The senior Liberal Democrat will make his first court appearance in less than a fortnight.

Mr Huhne and his ex-wife, Vicky Pryce, have both been charged with the same offence after it was alleged that she agreed to accept speeding points on behalf of her then husband.

The charges carry a maximum life sentence although legal precedent suggests that a guilty verdict in such a case would probably lead to a prison sentence of fewer than two years.

Mr Huhne now faces the prospect of a court showdown with his wife, whose allegations about the incident prompted the police investigation that resulted in yesterday’s announcement.

The claims first emerged last year at the height of a bitter divorce after Mr Huhne left Miss Pryce for one of his aides. The speeding charge dates back to 2003 and the CPS decided to charge Mr Huhne after police seized emails between his ex-wife and a journalist.

There are many ways to understand statistics.

You could read some claptrap in the Herald about National party supporting, christian, meat eating, coke drinking, smoking, PC using rooters with tattoos.

Or you read what a statistician thinks about their rubbish article.

Leaving aside the gaping logical chasm in identifying website members as representative of all ‘cheaters’, what the data actually say is that more members support National, not that more National supporters are members.   As you may recall,we determined not so long ago that more New Zealanders of all descriptions support National than any other party, so that’s what you would expect for members of the website.   The proportion of National supporters in the election was 47%, among website members it’s 33%, so National supporters are substantially less likely to be members of the website than supporters of other parties. The proportion identifying as Christian among website members is very similar to the proportion in the 2006 census.   79% of website users are on PC (vs Mac).  Again that’s a lower proportion of PCs than in the population of NZ computers (the Herald said 10% were Macs in July 2010, and for Aus+NZ combined, IDC now says 15%) but one explanation is that Macs have more of the home market than the business market.  More members drinking Coke vs Pepsi is also not surprising — I couldn’t find population figures, but Coke dominates the NZ cola market.

The story doesn’t say, but we can also be pretty confident that the website members are more likely to be Pakeha than Maori, more likely to be accountants than statisticians, and more likely to have a pet cat than a pet camel.

For the record, I am a National party supporter, have a tattoo, am known to smoke cigars, eat meat, drink Coke, and am Christian. My only saving grace is that I don’t have a PC.

One thing the statistics prove to me though is that Labour supporters must be dud roots, they don;t even feature ion the statistics.

An article in the Sydney Morning Herald investigates why politicians are inveterate rooters:

Richard Nixon’s secretary of state, Henry Kissinger, said: ”Power is the great aphrodisiac.” (Although it has to be said his planned seduction of the B-grade movie actor Mamie van Doren went awry when she was repelled by his smelly socks.) He regretted saying that famous bon mot but it’s true. Because political leaders are the alpha males in the community, women are attracted to them, even though the men may be ugly and much older, as was Bill Clinton when he and Monica Lewinsky indulged in kinky cigar sex in the White House.

It’s the same with the recently resigned Italian prime minster, Silvio Berlusconi, whose orgies, or bunga-bunga parties, have become notorious. What repelled many people was the thought of this plump former cruise singer in his 70s, with a rigid, shiny face courtesy of plastic surgery and Botox, bedding teenagers.

But, as I know from my own past, the allure of the dominant male is strong.

A relative of mine was a prim and proper woman and a fanatical Labor supporter. Although she was married, she had flings with a charismatic prime minister and an unappealing but highly intelligent state premier. She not only admired these men but justified her behaviour as a feminine way of supporting the Labor Party.

Many political leaders have had enormous sexual appetites. Chairman Mao Zedong was a legendary sleaze and the recently murdered Libyan dictator Colonel Muammar Gaddafi, fuelled by dangerous amounts of Viagra, had sex five times a day with any women his aides could find for him. Mussolini and Napoleon were just as voracious.

The thing is that we might be shocked by the amount of sexual excess but not surprised, which is why it’s strange that we continue to have politicians’ careers ruined or besmirched by sexual allegations.

So it appears that politicians break the no rooting rule because they can.

What appears common to most of these politicians is the risks they take, whether it’s sex in the Oval Office or mooching around for hookers in a Paris park. But then it could be said that most politicians succeed by taking risks.

It’s the nature of politics to gamble on making a grasp for leadership or to outfox one’s opponents with a risky strategy. Fuelled by a lust for power and driven by vast reserves of testosterone, which he needs to make it to the top, the alpha politician regards women as a just and proper reward for someone in his position.

Politics is about power and with it comes the exhilaration of being the dominant male. The risks of discovery these men take in their private lives is a part of the allure of such adventures. The excitement of the risk of being caught is underpinned by their arrogance and feelings of invulnerability, something that was clearly evident in Clinton’s dangerous fling.

But there’s more to it. The art of politics is being able to seduce your backers and the public to vote for you. It’s only a short step to these men thinking it’s only natural that they can also seduce any woman they want. If you believe Tiffanie – and there are many reasons for doing so – then Macdonald said to her: ”If you knew who I was, you would be very surprised.” It sums up both a politician’s massive ego and the thrill of being a powerful man.

Cactus Kate has blogged about the Remuera Rackets Rooter:

While men have voracious sexual appetites with or without multiple partners, the female is wired as such that if her box is being wrecked morning and/or night, a daytime rest and recovery is required, not being served by the local professional. It takes far more unhappiness for a woman to cheat on her husband than the other way around. Women for some reason have a conscience about it or perhaps a deep financial interest to keep their knickers on. The Remuera Rooter seems to melt this conscience away to remove the panties with his endless charms, ball machine and firm backhand. Bringing back the ADIDAS motto – all day I dream about sex.

This publicity as well as being a recruitment drive serves as a huge wake-up call for Remuera men that it is not good enough to get up at 6am, have a shower, get changed and go to your fancy job in the city and look at the Secretary or Juniors titties all day hoping one Christmas Party you can slide one in, followed by being fed when you get home with a 3 course dinner and pretending to be too tired at 9pm to engage in a bit of spank the married mank.

For God’s sake men, root your wife. Wake her up before 6am and give her one before you even shave and then go to work, do it again after dinner. Perhaps even thank her for cooking dinner and apologise for not rooting her enough until in a fit of men-o-pause she begs you to stop.

If you don’t do this it seems that the Remuera Rooter will service her for you as there’s a gap in the market well short of the baseline.

It never pays to dally with the help.

Chris Huhne, the Energy Secretary, has spoken for the first time of his “enormous regret” at the high-profile break-up of his marriage.

Mr Huhne also appeared to suggest that that the affair that ended his marriage may have been revealed by the News of the World using phone hacking or other dubious methods.

The minister faces a threat to his career arising from his acrimonious divorce. His former wife, Vicky Pryce, has suggested that he asked her to accept speeding points for a traffic offence he committed.

Prosecutors are still considering the case. Mr Huhne denies any wrongdoing.

Mr Huhne last year left Mrs Pryce after 26 years to continue his relationship with his former press officer.