Sexual acts

Can’t see the point of it myself, and kinda obvious you did anyway. I reckon only a dud root would do this:

It’s ridiculous for a guy to even try to fake an orgasm. I mean, there’s hard fucking evidence of a dude’s climax, making it mind-numbingly obvious when he doesn’t. I’ve caught one man attempting to fake an orgasm in my life, and it was probably the darkest sexual experiences I’ve ever had. He was a guy who struggled to become and stay aroused, and I think in an attempt to impress me or assert his virility or something, he pretended to cum during a love-making session after weeks of us having unfruitful sex. I was suspicious from the outset, given his dick wasn’t all the way hard, and he was so dramatic with the noise making. It felt forced.

Because I am a psychopath who likes crime shows, I foraged through the trash looking for the used condom after he fell asleep. And once I found in the darkness, I stuck my finger inside to see if it contained the requisite man juices. Nada. Although I did feel pretty chuffed imagining myself as the foxy, not-afraid-to-get-her-hands-dirty star of my own sexy cop drama, SSI: Sex Scene Investigation. Sexy case closed!  Read more »

It turns out that despite all the hype over mummy-porn trilogy “Fifty Shades of Grey” there is actually f*ck all sex. An article by Rob Orchard in The Economist explains how he came up with a ‘Kinkiness Index’:

[Full Infographic Here]

An infographic like this is always going to have a slightly subjective and impressionistic element to it—what one person thinks of as the height of sauciness, another will see as unexceptional—but we tried to make it as scientific as possible. We mapped out the sexual acts, locations and paraphernalia for the books, then rated them against scales we had created, running from 1 (Vanilla) to 5 (Kinky). So the sex acts scale ran from foreplay to flogging, sex locations ran from “in the imagination” to the infamous Red Room of Pain, and sex paraphernalia ran from Ben and Jerry’s ice cream to leather shackles and vibrating wands. The Agglomerated Kinkiness Index just pulls together all three ratings to provide an overall kink reading.

What are the one or two revelations that the charts uncovered that you hadn’t known, or like best?

It’s interesting that the sex levels tail off in the third book (“Fifty Shades Freed”) after Steele and Grey are married. However, they do have some of their kinkiest sex in this novel: it contains one of only two sessions rated at 15/15 on the Agglomerated Kinkiness Index in the entire trilogy.

hat tip Andrew Sullivan

Cock Tax is the age old problem confronting many. A possible solution has been envisioned:

Sexbots are coming, and we will cum with them. Three times a week or whatever our physician / longevity coach recommends. Because orgasms — especially the hormone-exploding O’s we’ll eventually enjoy with carnal cyborgs — are excellent for mental and physical health.

Remember the most convulsive, brain-ripping climax you ever had? The one that left you with “I could die happy now” satiety? Sexbots will electrocute our flesh with climaxes thrice as gigantic because they’ll be more desirable, patient, eager, and altruistic than their meat-bag competition, plus they’ll be uploaded with supreme sex-skills from millennia of erotic manuals, archives and academic experiments, and their anatomy will feature sexplosive devices. Sexbots will heighten our ecstasy until we have shrieking, frothy, bug-eyed, amnesia-inducing orgasms. They’ll offer us quadruple-tongued cunnilingus, open-throat silky fellatio, deliriously gentle kissing, transcendent nipple tweaking, g-spot massage & prostate milking dexterity, plus 2,000 varieties of coital rhythm with scented lubes — this will all be ours when the Sexbots arrive.

I actually laughed out loud when I read this. Possibly the funniest thing written by a Herald reporter EVER.

The mere thought of someone injecting a foreign substance into my vagina makes my whole body seize up like a tin soldier, so I’m not really sure how women are braving ‘G-Shots’, but they are.

LA’s “latest lunchtime craze“, the G-Shot involves pumping filler into a woman’s (oft debated) G-Spot to increase its size, making orgasm easier to reach and more intense.

Or so say fans of the sexy jab, which lasts just four months and is performed using local anaesthetic. It also costs quite a lot of money: “Some people say [NZ $2,250] is kind of high for something that’s temporary,” says Dr David Matlock, the Beverly Hills physician who invented the shot. “But I say it’s a small price to pay for such a bundle of joy.”

The first paragraph suggest that the writer quite possibly is a dud root….or her boyfriends nickname is “Needle” or “Justin”.

It has obviously been a long time since had a proper “sexy jab”.

ᔥ The Local

It could be that Shane Jones has skipped the country:

Irate neighbours upset by the high-volume moans of a noisy masturbator in southern Sweden won’t get any help from local public authorities to help rub out the problem.

The screaming orgasms that came when the man pleasured himself really rubbed his neighbours the wrong way, prompting them to file a complaint against the man last August.

“He moans louder than an animal… I can feel how it affects my state of mind,” one neighbour wrote in the complaint.

In their filing with the Malmö environmental administration (Miljöförvaltningen), the neighbours not only brought up the man’s disturbing masturbatory noises, but also took issue with his habit of watching television at exceeding high volumes.

But demands that something be done to rectify the matter fell on deaf ears.