Cactus Kate has reviewed some of the younger and lower profile candidates this election.
David Seymour: “…David built his own car. Not many candidates standing for Parliament in 2011 can claim they would have the first clue how to do that. That makes him slightly cooler than the other kids.
My original impression of David is that was is need of a good trip to Vegas, whereby he would ideally meet some hookers Hangover style in a hot tub and spend three days in a coke-induced stuper before returning to real life whereby he would take himself a little less seriously. I still have that impression. He is a young face, but more representative of the uptight sort of youth you would find still living at home with their parents. You could imagine David in a bar talking the varnish off the bar stool at 2am about Hayek and Von Mises than actually enjoying his free time chasing tail.”
Stephen Whittington: “…like all these kiddie candidates, academically extremely bright but at age 25 I cannot find being debated to about employment law, welfare, foreign policy actually all that credible. His main achievement outside of being at the embryonic stage of this tax law path to doom, is as a debating champion. Fine. But it is wearing thin top advertise yourself as in 2009 “the 15th best speaker in the world”. Not one journalist has asked if this includes or excludes Obama least of all worked out how the claim is measured. His performances on television have been good but listening to him he needs to remember he is speaking to people and not constantly in a debating contest. It is all too intense.”
Simon O’Connor: “O’Connor looks like the sort of person who has trained his whole life and never actually practised anything. He is alleged to have four degrees which in itself shows the lack of confidence and over-compensation to actually achieve anything outside the safe confines of the University moss for fear of being under-qualified when dealing with adults. I mean who on earth needs four degrees when their aim always has been to be an MP or otherwise snot grovel their way through the National Party and its connections? O’Connor even trained as a Priest and then never went through with that either.”
Paul Two-Fathers: “Foster-Bell has gained somewhat of a cult following in Wellington Central with his doppleganger Grant Robertson. A difficult looking, esoteric man who cannot decide which parent he wishes to represent in his surname, he holds a Degree in Archaeology and a Diploma of Business. Such a background will really only make him perfect for removing the Labour Party front bench from the rubble on Sunday and studying their dinosaur-like bones before selling them to offshore museums to the highest bidders through his diplomatic connections.
The funniest thing about Paul is that he claims to be of “English, Scots and Maori descent”. I don’t quite know where the Maori comes in. Perhaps his mother talked to one in 1972 while bringing the washing in? The least funny thing is he spent seven years working for MFAT. And he is a “Blue Green” which means he believes in the lunatic carbon trading scheme and hugs Nick Smith at random.”