Toby Manhire

Herald and Bryce Edwards manufacturing news again

Bryce Edwards is always one of the first to climb into me…on almost anything, like most sanctimonious commentators he should perhaps remove the log from his own eyes.

Here he was two nights ago begging for bloggers to write hit pieces against the National party.

So there wasn’t any copy for him to use on his chosen topic so he went out and begged for it…to create the impression that there was over confidence and arrogance amongst National. He had nothing..and so begged for copy. And so his dutiful obedient left wing followers all piled in to help him with his column.

and;

and;

Bryce Edwards was then able to announce his column yesterday..which was on guess what?    Read more »

Snapper or GCSB – Manhire explains

The left wing continues to unhinge themselves over the GCSB, thinking wrongly that this is of major concern to Kiwi voters. It isn’t.

Smarter lefty commentators are starting to realise this too late. Toby Manhire explains in simple words for those struggling with understanding that John Campbell is wrong.

The alchemists in the National Party were at it again over the weekend, turning a slap in the face with a snapper into a brave stand for ordinary, hard-fishing New Zealanders.

The news that recreational fishers might have bag limits slashed to three went down like a seafood milkshake. But, somehow, that uncharacteristic cock-up was turned into a rhetorical tactic, defence into attack.

The Government out of touch? On the contrary: they had heard snapper-catchers’ concerns. They knew it mattered. Mattered, unlike, say, that GCSB sideshow. The revision of the role of the Government Communications Security Bureau was of interest to pointy-heads and “beltway” nerds alone.

The exuberant twenty-something National MP Jami-Lee Ross summed up the pivot neatly. “Liberal elite shouldn’t get so outraged,” he said. “I have 20 times more emails about snapper than I do about GCSB. That’s what NZers actually care about.”

Real people care about snapper. And if you cared about the redefining of GCSB powers you were a tedious liberal elitist who couldn’t tell a rig from a jig.  Read more »

What are the pinkos saying about John Campbell’s caning?

Last night John Key turned up for what John Campbell thought would be another corngate interview, instead John Key played with him like a cat plays with a mouse. In the end all John campbell had was bluster, ranting and arrogance and even that failed him.

Don’t believe me, go watch it.

Still don’t believe me…have a look at what the saner parts of the leftwing twitterati are saying:

Toby Manhire had to concede:

Read more »

Toby Manhire on Colin Craig

The old adage that any publicity is good publicity might not actually be true. Toby Manhire writes:

“Colin Craig” is New Zealand’s answer to Ali G. “Colin Craig” is a fictional character, a circus clown, a satirical device. When you think about it, it’s as unmistakable as the sparkle in his eye. Would a real person say “at the end of the day” at the start of every second sentence?

The penny dropped this week when “Colin Craig” went one step too far, the cheeky monkey, issuing a legal threat via what appeared to be a reputable legal firm demanding that a little-known but obviously satirical website, The Civilian, retract an obviously satirical remark attributed to him.

See http://www.thecivilian.co.nz/chapman-tripp-legal-notice-23-april-2013/

An aspiring MP screaming defamation over an innocuous bit of obvious satire? I don’t think so. A millionaire demanding a $500 contribution to legal costs from a 21-year-old just out of university? Inconceivable.

The political stupidity of Colin Craig is astonishing.

If “Colin Craig” were real, would he be so lacking in wit, confidence and courage as to issue stiff ultimatums to a tiny website run by a pipsqueak in his pyjamas, while letting stand for all time homoerotic imaginings – all “powerful thighs” and “firm buttocks” – attributed to him in a “secret diary” published by newspapers across the country? I don’t think so.

And even if “Colin” did get puffed up like a peacock, sensible lawyers would gently talk him out of it. Wouldn’t they?

There’s more evidence that this man of many first names is a giant tease. The thundering legal letter observes that the article in question – headlined “Maurice Williamson looking pretty stupid after floods” – includes words that their client “never made”. It splutters: “It is a fiction created by you to make him look ridiculous”.

Snort! The letter continues: “The statement cannot be dismissed as satire in the circumstances, particularly when it is published alongside quotes from Maurice Williamson which we understand may largely be accurate.”

Wonderful! As any half-awake intern could have told them, the quotes from Williamson are invented, too. As is the one attributed to John Key, calling Williamson “a big idiot”.

In case that weren’t enough, the lawyer’s letter goes on to refer to “words which were not said by Mr Crag”. As if a legal firm with such a proud history and so many bright minds would misspell its own client’s name. Are they all in on this delicious charade? Bravo.

Heh, the man of many first names.

Who, then, is pulling the strings and our legs? Is “Colin Cra(i)g” conjured up by the same genius behind the long-running cabaret act John “Cabbage Boat” Banks? Is he a guerrilla-marketing stunt by enfant terrible Ben Uffindel – a kind of Pantomime Trojan Horse to attract attention to his fledgling comedy website?

Is he an automaton, controlled by Steven Joyce, deployed to distract attention from this week’s bewildering Albanian-Stalinist-North-Korean-Polish shipyard metaphor incontinence?

Is he a Weta Workshop side project? Has he been 3D-printed by Maurice Williamson?

Disrobe, “Colin Craig”, we cry. Let us stand in ovation before this comedy masterwork, this colossus of ridiculous fiction. I suggest a special gong at the next Chapman Tripp Theatre Awards. Remove the latex mask, “Colin”. Enter our warm embrace

For you must be a character, a chimera, an invention. Mustn’t you? The alternative is too bizarre to contemplate.

Colin Craig is certainly way too bizarre to be trusted in parlimanet, but then again the voters are seeing that….he has spent the thick end of $3 million coming third.

The unhinging of David Fisher and Peter Aranyi via Social Media

I have been pretty busy the last couple of days and didn’t realise that someone had set up a parody Twitter account of David Fisher.

David is relatively new to social media and hasn’t quite realised how it all works…and has taken great umbrage at having a parody account made of him.

He should be chuffed…instead he is throwing a tanty.

and;

At least Toby Manhire gets it. Pity Peter Aranyi doesn’t won’t can’t…he’s gone back to his creepy stalker ways and devoted yet another post to me full of angst, outrage and camp side comments….Puh-leeeeeease 

Only fools believe that Twitter is engagement. It isn’t, no one wants to know every little bit of your life and if you are dumb enough to tweet it then you deserve a kicking.

Read more »

Cartoon of the Day

Emmerson, of course.

Meanwhile Toby Manhire has 15 pieces of advice for David Shearer:

10. Don’t mention the PM

Especially, don’t take the piss. Like some political incarnation of the Incredible Hulk, every mockery just makes him stronger. Leave that to the bloggers you don’t read.

13. Leave the guitar at home.

14. Find a new gear.

Do you really want to be doing this? Do you have the mental and visceral steel? My guess is you’re as unsure as anyone. But on Sunday you’re going to have to persuade yourself you do, and see what happens. Because the sorry truth is you sometime look as discombobulated as the Kevin Kline simpleton who has to pretend to be the president in that 90s film Dave. And, frankly, it’s going to have to be a lot – a lot – more like Indiana Jones.

 

 

The Greens list of Inquiries

ᔥ The Listener

Toby Manhire has compiled a list fo all the inquires that the Greens have called for, and comments:

John Key has dismissed the Green party call for an inquiry into the raid on Kim Dotcom’s mansion by saying that the Greens call for an inquiry on virtually everything.

“It’s sort of the boy who cried wolf a few too many times I think,” the prime minister said on TVNZ Breakfast this morning.

Is he right?

Well is he? It appears yes…the Greens have a long list of expensive inquiries they’d like to have: