Capitalism for the uninitiated

[Imported from Whale Oil Beef Hooked on Blogger]

If you are overly sensitive, lack a sense of humour and prone to calling people Rascist and Xenophobic don’t read this.

Capitalism

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:
You have 2 cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

AMERICAN CAPITALISM:
You have 2 cows.
You sell 3 of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all 4 cows back, with a tax exemption for 5 cows. The milk rights of the 6 cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all 7 cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns 8 cows, with option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with 9 cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buy your bull.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION:
You have 2 cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of 4 cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION:
You have 2 cows.
You go on strike because you want 3 cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION:
You have 2 cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION:
You have 2 cows.
You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

A BRITISH CORPORATION:
You have 2 cows.
Both are mad.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:
You have 2 cows, but you don’t know where they are.
You break for lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
You have 2 cows.
You count them and learn you have 5 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.

You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION:
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.
You charge others for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION:
You have 2 cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim full employment, high bovine productivity and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION:
You have 2 cows.
That one on the left is kinda cute.

 


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