Capitalism for the uninitiated

[Imported from Whale Oil Beef Hooked on Blogger]

If you are overly sensitive, lack a sense of humour and prone to calling people Rascist and Xenophobic don’t read this.

Capitalism

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:
You have 2 cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

AMERICAN CAPITALISM:
You have 2 cows.
You sell 3 of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all 4 cows back, with a tax exemption for 5 cows. The milk rights of the 6 cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all 7 cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns 8 cows, with option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with 9 cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buy your bull.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION:
You have 2 cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of 4 cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION:
You have 2 cows.
You go on strike because you want 3 cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION:
You have 2 cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION:
You have 2 cows.
You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

A BRITISH CORPORATION:
You have 2 cows.
Both are mad.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:
You have 2 cows, but you don’t know where they are.
You break for lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
You have 2 cows.
You count them and learn you have 5 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.

You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION:
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.
You charge others for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION:
You have 2 cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim full employment, high bovine productivity and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION:
You have 2 cows.
That one on the left is kinda cute.


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As much at home writing editorials as being the subject of them, Cam has won awards, including the Canon Media Award for his work on the Len Brown/Bevan Chuang story. When he’s not creating the news, he tends to be in it, with protagonists using the courts, media and social media to deliver financial as well as death threats.

They say that news is something that someone, somewhere, wants kept quiet. Cam Slater doesn’t do quiet and, as a result, he is a polarising, controversial but highly effective journalist who takes no prisoners.

He is fearless in his pursuit of a story.

Love him or loathe him, you can’t ignore him.

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