What to do in a Terrorist Attack

The US government has a new website, http://www.ready.gov. displaying
public service symbols for terrorism readiness, in the tradition of the old "duck and cover" campaigns after WWII.
 
The fun thing is that these pictures are so ambiguous they could mean anything! Here are a few guesses about what they mean:
If you have set your self on fire, do NOT run.
 
If you spot terrorism, blow your anti-terrorism whistle. If you are bald, yell really loud.
 
If you are sprayed with an unknown substance, stand and think about it instead of seeing a doctor.
 
If a door is closed, karate chop it open.
If your building collapses, cower under a desk and kiss your ass goodbye.
After exposure to radiation it is important to consider that you may have mutated to gigantic dimensions: watch your head.
 
If you've become a radiation mutant with a deformed hand, remember to close the window. No one wants to see that shit.
 
If you hear the Backstreet Boys, Michael Bolton or Yanni on the radio, it is a psychological terror attack. Cower in the corner or run like hell.
If you are trapped under falling debris, conserve oxygen by not farting.
 
If you lose a contact lens during a chemical attack, do not stop to look for it.
 

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As much at home writing editorials as being the subject of them, Cam has won awards, including the Canon Media Award for his work on the Len Brown/Bevan Chuang story. When he’s not creating the news, he tends to be in it, with protagonists using the courts, media and social media to deliver financial as well as death threats.

They say that news is something that someone, somewhere, wants kept quiet. Cam Slater doesn’t do quiet and, as a result, he is a polarising, controversial but highly effective journalist who takes no prisoners.

He is fearless in his pursuit of a story.

Love him or loathe him, you can’t ignore him.

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