What to do in a Terrorist Attack

The US government has a new website, http://www.ready.gov. displaying
public service symbols for terrorism readiness, in the tradition of the old "duck and cover" campaigns after WWII.
The fun thing is that these pictures are so ambiguous they could mean anything! Here are a few guesses about what they mean:
If you have set your self on fire, do NOT run.
If you spot terrorism, blow your anti-terrorism whistle. If you are bald, yell really loud.
If you are sprayed with an unknown substance, stand and think about it instead of seeing a doctor.
If a door is closed, karate chop it open.
If your building collapses, cower under a desk and kiss your ass goodbye.
After exposure to radiation it is important to consider that you may have mutated to gigantic dimensions: watch your head.
If you've become a radiation mutant with a deformed hand, remember to close the window. No one wants to see that shit.
If you hear the Backstreet Boys, Michael Bolton or Yanni on the radio, it is a psychological terror attack. Cower in the corner or run like hell.
If you are trapped under falling debris, conserve oxygen by not farting.
If you lose a contact lens during a chemical attack, do not stop to look for it.

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