The rules of home/shop invasion

These are the rules to go by if threatened in your home or workplace by machete weilding morons.

Rule 1 – Use overwhelming force. If the offender uses a baseball bat you use a gun, if the offender uses a knife you use a gun, if the offender uses a machete you still use a gun, and if the offender has a gun then use a bigger, better gun and shoot straight and first.

Rule 2 – Shoot the idiot and then shoot the ceiling, in that order.

Rule 3 – Make sure the offender is dead. My cousin who was once a police man said to me that this rule is very important otherwise the police get to hear the offenders side of the story. It is very important that only one story gets told. If you don't then you get this sort of crap.

[quote]"We're waiting for advice from the medical experts as to when we can do that," he said. "Over the next few days we should be able to speak to him and get his side of the story."[/quote]

Rule 4 – Always say you fired a warning shot (see Rule 2) then use these words. "I was in fear of my life, officer" 

Rule 5 – Never change your story. 


Do you want ad-free access to our Daily Crossword?

Do you want access to daily Incite Politics Magazine articles?

Silver Subscriptions and above go in the draw to win a $500 prize to be drawn at the end of March

Not yet one of our awesome subscribers? Click Here and join us.

As much at home writing editorials as being the subject of them, Cam has won awards, including the Canon Media Award for his work on the Len Brown/Bevan Chuang story.  And when he’s not creating the news, he tends to be in it, with protagonists using the courts, media and social media to deliver financial as well as death threats.

They say that news is something that someone, somewhere, wants kept quiet.   Cam Slater doesn’t do quiet, and as a result he is a polarising, controversial but highly effective journalist that takes no prisoners.

He is fearless in his pursuit of a story.

Love him or loathe him.  But you can’t ignore him.

40%