Helen Clark – Candidate CV

Name: Helen Davis Clark

Marital Status: Married (well sort of)

Date of Birth: February 26, 1950 Hamilton, New Zealand

Qualifications for Role as Secretary-General United Nations

  • Defamation. 2000
  • Prima facie case of forgery found, 2000
  • Media manipulation resulting in dismissal of Police Commissioner. 2000
  • Speeding through countryside like an African Dictator, 2005
  • Mis-appropriating Parliamentary funds for re-election purposes, 1999,2002,2005
  • Covering up Ministers indiscretions and wrongdoing with ineffectual inquiries that always "exonerate" the parties concerned.

I believe that these qualifications must surely place me at the top of the queue to replace Dear Kofi, who was once referred to, appallingly, I might add, as a "Cheeky Darky"

Love Helen Clark

Prime Minister of the Peoples Republic of Clarkistan, currently residing in Helengrad.


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As much at home writing editorials as being the subject of them, Cam has won awards, including the Canon Media Award for his work on the Len Brown/Bevan Chuang story.  And when he’s not creating the news, he tends to be in it, with protagonists using the courts, media and social media to deliver financial as well as death threats.

They say that news is something that someone, somewhere, wants kept quiet.   Cam Slater doesn’t do quiet, and as a result he is a polarising, controversial but highly effective journalist that takes no prisoners.

He is fearless in his pursuit of a story.

Love him or loathe him.  But you can’t ignore him.

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