December 2009

The Politicionary

The VRWC is like rust, it never sleeps.

We have been busy and have now nicknamed every MP in the House. Some are naughty, some are nice, some are downright evil. Too bad, this is now the official nickname register for reference for member blog posts.

Please either email me suggestions for media and blogger nicknames or place them in the comments of this post.

How to get an ONZ – 101

I have had a few emails from deluded folks about my comments on Helen Clark making the Order of New Zealand. I thought I would reply to them all via a blog post.

Would Whaleoil join a club with the following members?

  • Whetu Tirkatene-Sullivan
  • Jim Bolger
  • Ken Douglas
  • Mike Moore
  • Jonathan Hunt
  • Paul Reeves
  • Owen Woodhouse
  • Cath Tizard
  • Lloyd Geering

Not bloody likely, pinkos the lot of them, I wouldn’t share my spit with them let alone have a cozy once a year dinner at Government house, which seems to be the only benefit of the silly thing. That might be something Farrar aspires to but certainly not me.

One other thing. Would the Lame Stream media repeaters stop repeating the lie that there are only ever 20 living members of the order. Right now there are 23 and that is EXCLUDING Clark. She makes it 24. She should have had to wait until there was a space.

However if you really do want to have a chance at being an ONZ or at the very least guarantee you will never be prosecuted you can buy access here.

Just wait till I tell the cops on Tuesday that I joined the Labour Party.


The Whale Oil Beef Hooked Honours List

Sir Tony “Wardrobe” Ryall – (WOBH Politician of the Year) For services to New Zealand. Cutting the health bureaucracy by $500m is a bloody good start. Keep swinging the axe Tony and we should see you through to the House of Lords.

Silly Old Dame Sue Bradford – For services to New Zealand, particularly leaving politics. Hope she does join Len Brown and his Band of Merry Meddlers for next years local body elections.

Sir Crusher Collins – (I defy anyone to call Crusher a Dame to her face) For services to New Zealand, especially for muscling up to scumbags and not worrying about the f**king liberal elite who go on about the poor souls that have suffered under an oppressive society, colonialism or other silly progressive excuse du jour. Would have won Politician of the Year if she had actually gotten a car crushed before today.

Sir Kevin Brady – For services to New Zealand, particularly honesty in trying to hold a corrupt government to account in the dying days of the Clark Regime.

Sir Trevor “Tiger” Mallard – For servicing lonely women all over New Zealand for decades

Sir Winston Raymond Peters – For complete shamelessness, and on the proviso he runs in 2011. Please Winston the country needs you.

The Loretta Award for being a splitter on the left – Chris Trotter, it is expected that he will win this most of the time, but there has to be a rookie somewhere in the ranks of the left. Anyone? Anyone?

The “Karori” Bill English Award for monumental electoral fuck ups – John Key. Although his poll ratings are sky high the appointment of Helen Clark to the Order of new Zealand is a step too far.

The Andrew Williams Award: Inconsistency and Incompetence in local government – Andrew Williams, there is no other eligible for this award, it may even become a lifetime achievement award.

The Michael Laws Award: Telling the unvarnished, unpalatable truth to the liberal elite – Joint holders Judith “Crusher” Collins and Michael Laws.

The Tiger Woods Award: for exceptional ability with multiple partners: Two awards in this category for 2009, Trevor “Tiger” Mallard and Stuart “Mangrove” Nash. Your exploits have not gone un-noticed.

The Fred Astaire Award: for services to dancing – awarded to Darren “Private Dancer” Hughes.

The Santa Claus and Easter Bunny Award – David Cunliffe for his leadership aspirations.

The Big Ben Award: for services to Fast Food – Joint winners Shane “Five Chins” Jones and Parekura “Whopper” Horomia for stopping in at Burger King during a protest march.

The Isaac Newton Prize for Mathematics – Sir Roger “Yeltsin” Douglas, “Private” Heather Roy and John “Spanky” Boscawen for think that 3 from 5 is a majority.

Other suggestions please in the comments, perhaps we could make this an annual event with a function sometime around December 15.


Rather Telling

It is rather telling that “Tiger” Mallard could only choke out three words in praise of Helen Clark. Even pinko Farrar managed more than that.

"Tiger" Mallard waxes lyrical about Helen Clark's ONZ

"Tiger" Mallard waxes lyrical about Helen Clark's ONZ

For a moment there I thought all my dreams had come true

When I saw the headline, my heart was a flutter. Could it be? Was it finally true? Had a loyal Kiwi finally had enough and managed to stab Helen Clark through her incredibly shriveled heart.

But alas, I was mistaken, it is a story about some soft-cock nancy townies being upset at driving past a homekill truck and operator as it was eviscerating a carcass in a rural area.

Roadside butchery of beast shocks pair - Pity it wasn't Clark

Roadside butchery of beast shocks pair - Pity it wasn't Clark

Fuck you very much

That is what the Honours Committee has told New Zealand today.

They have said Fuck You Very Much, New Zealand.

Note down these names, they are the members of the Cabinet Appointments and Honours Committee, John “Smiling Assassin” Key (Chair), “Karori” Bill English, Gerry “Salad Dodger” Brownlee, Simon “FIGJAM” Power, Tony “Wardrobe” Ryall, Anne “Closer” Tolley, Christopher “Tinkerbell” Finlayson, David “Brown Envelope” Carter, Murray “Charlie Wilson” McCully, Hon Georgina te Heuheu “Grub”, Pansy “Ting Tong” Wong, “Private” Heather Roy, “Aunty” Tariana Turia, Peter “Rothmans” Dunne.

These are the people who think that someone who:

  • Didn’t just forge one painting, she admitted to signing “about half a dozen” works of art which she hadn’t produced “over 20 years” and then couldn’t understand what was wrong with that.
  • Didn’t support the police who drove too fast to get her from Waimate to Christchurch so she could make a Rugby game.
  • Used taxpayers’ money illegally to pay for Labour’s campaigns, changed the law retrospectively to make that spending legal and passed an Act in an attempt to allow that spending to continue while restricting what other individuals and groups could spend.
  • Backed Phillip Field in the face of strong evidence against him and did her best to thwart the inquiry into his actions, and only cut him loose when he made the suggestion he might go independent.
  • Continued to back Winston Peters as a minister long after he showed he could not be trusted, right up to the election.
  • Presided over a government that lied in the PREFU covering up billions of dollars of exposure in ACC.
  • Denigrated many groups in New Zealand exercising their democratic right to freedom of speech. She would rather meet a sheep than “that group of haters and wreckers” and her constant attacks on the Exclusive Brethren were breathtaking examples of her own failure to adhere to the Bill of Rights.
  • Presiding of a government that despite at least 9 case of prima facie evidence being found the Police decided it wasn’t in the public interest to pursue against the Labour MPs but watched them charge and prosecute a National MP for driving a tractor.
  • Removed the Privy Council with a mandate as our highest court.

That person is Helen Clark and she has now been made an Member of Order of New Zealand. This appointment sickens me, it makes me feel dirty to belong to the National Party. This woman has more to destroy the New Zealand we knew than almost anyone else other than perhaps Muldoon and we nicknamed him “Piggy”.

I am disgusted, this is a step too far, supporting the evil witch into a cosy do nothing job at the United Nations was a step too far in my opinion but at least she was gone. Now we have a list that will have her name on it until the day she dies, which hopefully won’t be too far off.

The Order of New Zealand is restricted to just 20 living New Zealanders, the others on the list must be mortified that the beast is walking amongst them.


Complete Arse of the Year Award

The Clown of Campbells Bay - Andrew WilliamsThis award would have to go to Andrew Williams who unsurprisingly has also won many more awards at The Aucklander.

Edward Rooney has splendidly summarised the Clown of Campbells Bay complete arse of a year. The Mad Mayor of North Shore thankfully has less than a year left in the job when he will then slink off to Taupo, or so The Whale’s spies tell him. I’m not sure Taupo wants him though.

Of course Andrew Williams may yet have another rush of shit to the brains and decide to delight WOBH readers by standing for the Super City mayoralty.

My favourite award from the series is the:

Most frightful drug reaction.

Andrew Williams. On December 14, Prime Minister John Key confirmed he’d deleted “obnoxious and aggressive” text messages sent to him by Mr Williams, some as late as 3.30am. Mr Williams eventually offered a qualified apology for the messages, saying he’d been on “a lot of painkillers” following a cycling accident in March.

Need we remind you that the Mad Mayor also has frightful reactions to alcohol.

A curious coincidence

Here’s a curious coincidence for the readers of WOBH.

Q. The name of the bank that famous pyramid scheme fraudster Charles Ponzi had a controlling interest in and used to perpetuate his frauds?

A. Hanover.

Yes very curious indeed, I wonder how hose share sales in Allied Farmers are going?


I wonder if the Real Estate Agent will get charged

Ok so we all know by now that I am charged with allegedly breaching name suppression of an “Entertainer” and a former “Olympian”.

Then I saw this news article and now I’m wondering if the Police will be visiting Marco Markinvich and also the New Zealand Herald who displayed the photo below. If I have allegedly named someone with my posts then this sure as hell does too. Further he went and dropped it all over various neighbourhoods.

Marco Marinkovich said he wanted the letter to shock but not offend. So he sends a letter depicting P and cash

Pah! Repeaters

Just had a call from a  repeater at a reputable news organisation that makes me want to go postal on the useless twats.

They ring me up about a post from another blogger at Gotcha! and start telling me outright lies that I prove are outright lies while I’m on the phone with the repeater. The repeater then accuses me of being pedantic. Yes, well that is true, but shouldn’t a media commentator be pedantic, indeed shouldn’t they be accurate rather than simple repeat rubbish and tell out right lies.

Lie number 1: You are the owner of the domain name. No, I am the registrant, the lessee if you like, ICANN is the owner.

Lie Number 2: You will be prosecuted for breaching the embargo. Really! Under what law would that be? Why would I be prosecuted when it wasn’t me that posted it.

Lie Number 3: Well it was embargoed. Actually it as embargoed for the media. The media goes to great pains to not include bloggers or online only media under the banner of media. We don’t play by the rules because the rules don’t apply to us because you won’t let us play by the rules. That’s a nice circular chicken and egg debate that would be beyond most repeaters. You think you are special you aren’t, mostly you are leeches sucking off of the blogs for stories exactly like this case.

Lie Number 4: You are ultimately responsible for because you are the registrant. Well no, I’m not, I pointed out the registrant for her organisation and it turns out he is some tech dweeb, so I doubt he is ultimately responsible and therefore likely to be prosecuted. More likely it would be the Company that owned the site and the Chief Executive and possible the repeater that would be prosecuted.

Lie Number 5: If you do a Google search for Helen Clark and honours it comes up on the first page. Utter bullshit. Not even close, I couldn’t even find that damn article and I went to page 6 on both a New Zealand sites only search and Global search.

Lie Number 6: I (the repeater) can’t remember the exact search term because I’m not at my desk. Reeeeeally, then how come the number showing on my phone is a landline number from your office, in fact it is your direct dial you stupid cow.

Six lies was really quite enough. Not to other repeaters and the very few journalists that are out there, DO YOUR FUCKING HOMEWORK, before ringing me.

Oh and attribution of where you get your stories from would be appreciated, you do it for other media networks but you insult us by not attributing.