The Whale Oil Beef Hooked Honours List

Sir Tony “Wardrobe” Ryall – (WOBH Politician of the Year) For services to New Zealand. Cutting the health bureaucracy by $500m is a bloody good start. Keep swinging the axe Tony and we should see you through to the House of Lords.

Silly Old Dame Sue Bradford – For services to New Zealand, particularly leaving politics. Hope she does join Len Brown and his Band of Merry Meddlers for next years local body elections.

Sir Crusher Collins – (I defy anyone to call Crusher a Dame to her face) For services to New Zealand, especially for muscling up to scumbags and not worrying about the f**king liberal elite who go on about the poor souls that have suffered under an oppressive society, colonialism or other silly progressive excuse du jour. Would have won Politician of the Year if she had actually gotten a car crushed before today.

Sir Kevin Brady – For services to New Zealand, particularly honesty in trying to hold a corrupt government to account in the dying days of the Clark Regime.

Sir Trevor “Tiger” Mallard – For servicing lonely women all over New Zealand for decades

Sir Winston Raymond Peters – For complete shamelessness, and on the proviso he runs in 2011. Please Winston the country needs you.

The Loretta Award for being a splitter on the left – Chris Trotter, it is expected that he will win this most of the time, but there has to be a rookie somewhere in the ranks of the left. Anyone? Anyone?

The “Karori” Bill English Award for monumental electoral fuck ups – John Key. Although his poll ratings are sky high the appointment of Helen Clark to the Order of new Zealand is a step too far.

The Andrew Williams Award: Inconsistency and Incompetence in local government – Andrew Williams, there is no other eligible for this award, it may even become a lifetime achievement award.

The Michael Laws Award: Telling the unvarnished, unpalatable truth to the liberal elite – Joint holders Judith “Crusher” Collins and Michael Laws.

The Tiger Woods Award: for exceptional ability with multiple partners: Two awards in this category for 2009, Trevor “Tiger” Mallard and Stuart “Mangrove” Nash. Your exploits have not gone un-noticed.

The Fred Astaire Award: for services to dancing – awarded to Darren “Private Dancer” Hughes.

The Santa Claus and Easter Bunny Award – David Cunliffe for his leadership aspirations.

The Big Ben Award: for services to Fast Food – Joint winners Shane “Five Chins” Jones and Parekura “Whopper” Horomia for stopping in at Burger King during a protest march.

The Isaac Newton Prize for Mathematics – Sir Roger “Yeltsin” Douglas, “Private” Heather Roy and John “Spanky” Boscawen for think that 3 from 5 is a majority.

Other suggestions please in the comments, perhaps we could make this an annual event with a function sometime around December 15.


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As much at home writing editorials as being the subject of them, Cam has won awards, including the Canon Media Award for his work on the Len Brown/Bevan Chuang story. When he’s not creating the news, he tends to be in it, with protagonists using the courts, media and social media to deliver financial as well as death threats.

They say that news is something that someone, somewhere, wants kept quiet. Cam Slater doesn’t do quiet and, as a result, he is a polarising, controversial but highly effective journalist who takes no prisoners.

He is fearless in his pursuit of a story.

Love him or loathe him, you can’t ignore him.

To read Cam’s previous articles click on his name in blue.

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