A word to the whispering MPs

My spies tell me that some MPs are having tears over their nicknames. Worse still they are crying in DPF’s ear to get me to change them. Unfortunately for you, yes I know who you are, crying a river of tears in David’s ear will not get the names changed no matter what he has said to you.

The Politicianary names are only changed by either me, Cactus Kate or Barnsley Bill. We invented the list, we made them up, so only we get to change them.

However the naming committee has had a virtual meeting and agreed that bribes payments can be received to change names. The prices vary, some require a commitment to grow some some balls, others gifts, others consumables. Barnsley Bill accepts cartons of duty free ciggies (shouldn’t be hard to get those from all your troughing trips), Cactus Kate accepts only cases of the finest of champagnes (you know the real stuff from Champagne in France), me, I accept almost anything but am prepared to trade juicy MP slaying gossip for a name change. It is, remote though, possible that a simple email or phone call to one of the committee will get your nickname changed.

Don’t even bother Tigerpig, yours ain’t ever changing to something nice.

Now for some specifics which shows who has been crying to Farrar;

  • FIGJAM – You know what you have to do, best get on and do it otherwise it will never change.
  • Paula Benefit – You can change yours for free due to the helpful suggestions regarding some other nicknames the other day.
  • Karori Bill – just resign, not hard, and the name goes away.

Same goes for media nicknames, the prices will be a bit cheaper knowing how tight-arsed your bosses are and how poorly paid you are as well.

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As much at home writing editorials as being the subject of them, Cam has won awards, including the Canon Media Award for his work on the Len Brown/Bevan Chuang story. When he’s not creating the news, he tends to be in it, with protagonists using the courts, media and social media to deliver financial as well as death threats.

They say that news is something that someone, somewhere, wants kept quiet. Cam Slater doesn’t do quiet and, as a result, he is a polarising, controversial but highly effective journalist who takes no prisoners.

He is fearless in his pursuit of a story.

Love him or loathe him, you can’t ignore him.

To read Cam’s previous articles click on his name in blue.