Breaking News – Subway running short of cucumber

Food RationingFans of the Subway sandwich have been frowning this week with the news the winter cucumber shortage has led to rationing the vegetable.

At Subway Metro on Devon St West, a notice was put in the service window, stating only two cucumber slices will go on six-inch subs instead of three, with five instead of six for foot-longs.

David Herrick, of Subway Restaurant marketing, said all cucumbers used by Subway were grown in New Zealand hot houses.

As there was often a smaller crop in the middle of winter, traditionally the organisation then sourced extra stock from Australia.

“Australia had very heavy rain, so they’ve got no telegraph cucumbers for us,” Mr Herrick said.

And how is this news exactly?

A friend of mine from Henderson went to his local Bond and Bond the other day, but couldn’t buy a new TV because they were out of stock in the model he wanted.

Could the Taranaki Daily News please contact him to get this exclusive scoop?


THANK YOU for being a subscriber. Because of you Whaleoil is going from strength to strength. It is a little known fact that Whaleoil subscribers are better in bed, good looking and highly intelligent. Sometimes all at once! Please Click Here Now to subscribe to an ad-free Whaleoil.

  • johnqpublic

    Re-posted on NZ Herald too I note. Cucumber is completely wrong and should be banned.

  • sickhealthysanemad

    Breaking news. Blogger short of irony recognition chip and poetic justice.

  • michaels

    I don’t go to The Strandard EVER because they are against everything I like, so why do people that don’t like what Whale writes bother coming here???

  • sickhealthysanemad

    We thoroughly like what is written here. You’ve got that sensationally wrong. Three question marks suggest you are turning somersaults in pained confusion; not entirely surprising from you michaels. Now run along. Maybe to somewhere that isn’t so challenging?

  • paranormal

    Isn’t it obvious? Things move slow in the Naki, 1 April has only just arrived. Granny Herald are just living up to their reputation.

  • michaels

    [We], so there is more than one that writes under your name then.

  • getreel

    I think thats the Royal “we”

  • sickhealthysanemad

    Not the royal we at all. I am multifarious. A different personality depending if I’ve taken my meds or not. Aren’t all the people here like that?

  • michaels

    Oh for fucks sake…..

    Look Whale, you’ve got your very own PhilU