Understanding Chinese Business

The Chinese have many sayings that New Zealanders will by now be learning. Especially those greedy farmers who want more agricultural operations in China but don’t want Chinese in New Zealand. Especially greedy South Island farmers who want the government to bale them out every time a storm provides random stock control.

These are some of kinds of business phrases that you should acquaint yourself with if contemplating business with China:

“We are like brothers” – anyone read Kane and Abel?

“Spirit of co-operation and partnership” – you do what we say.

“Chinese have a culture where they will not give control over” – how precious? Like every other culture on the planet, especially just like greedy South Islander farmers.

“We are not in competition we are partners” – I’m going to bend you over and screw you from behind once we’ve stolen borrowed unpicked your IP and undercutting you in a factory in Guangdong.

“Give me your best price. I buy 1000 units” – quote me on 1000 units and I will end up buying 2 units at this price then go somewhere else for their best price.

“We will build a long-term relationship” – we are already looking for better price and will arse-drop you when we’ve found it. In fact we already halve we are just yanking chain for the fun of it.

“Chinese want a quality product” – we are too proud to say we are cheap so when your quote is too high we will blame quality.

“This will result in a loss of face” – you didn’t offer enough for his produce and now he’s having a sulk, and he really does mean loss of face, yours, when you take a wrong turn on your drunken wander back to the hotel.

“Indians have no honour” – Indians bargain as hard and with as much b.s. as we do. You can substitute any asian race in there for Indians but the Chinese know that know one likes the Indians.

Given New Zealanders parlous record with saving we best get used to dealing with the Chinese as they have all the money, yep all of it. The currency market are just playthings for the Chinese Government, why do you think the Australian and NZ dollar are so over valued?

They are not over-valued this is the new level set by the Chinese government so they don’t have to pay so much for their imports, particularly minerals. The Aussies are looking forward to parity with the US dollar and planning parties, all the while it is the Chinese saving themselves trillions on their forward contracts for minerals. Once the deals are done watch the Aussie dollar tumble. We are just going along for the ride like fleas on a dogs back.

They already own the pacific, now they are coming for us. So learn the above phrases well you’ll be needing them.