Facts about John Key

When I was talking with Trevor Mallard yesterday it struck me that he and most of Labour have no idea about the real John Key. So I have compiled a set of interesting facts to help them in the campaign.

John Key Facts:

John Key is widely predicted to be first Maori Prime Minister. If you’re thinking to yourself, “But John Key isn’t Maori”, then you are dead wrong. And stop being a racist.

John Key is suing Sony for his trademarked motto “It Only Does Everything”

Whenever John Key gets out of bed, Phil Goff cries “Oh crap, he’s awake!” soils himself and then hides.

What do you spell if you rearrange the letters in John Key’s name. Nothing, because you can’t mess with John Key.

2 > 1 … unless that 1 is John Key.

All your base are belong to John Key.

There used to be a street named after John Key, but it was changed because nobody crosses John Key and lives.

Some magicians can walk on water, John Key can swim through land.

When John Key looks at himself at a mirror, there is no reflection. There can only be one John Key.

John Key was in all 6 Star Wars movies…………… As The Force.

John Key doesn’t need a twitter account, He’s already following you.

John Key doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.

John Key was to star in Mission:Impossible but they recasted because they would’ve had to change the name of the movie to Mission:Accomplished.

They once made a John Key toilet paper, but there was a problem: It wouldn’t take shit from anybody.

John Key’s hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

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As much at home writing editorials as being the subject of them, Cam has won awards, including the Canon Media Award for his work on the Len Brown/Bevan Chuang story.  And when he’s not creating the news, he tends to be in it, with protagonists using the courts, media and social media to deliver financial as well as death threats.

They say that news is something that someone, somewhere, wants kept quiet.   Cam Slater doesn’t do quiet, and as a result he is a polarising, controversial but highly effective journalist that takes no prisoners.

He is fearless in his pursuit of a story.

Love him or loathe him.  But you can’t ignore him.