Len's list of nothingness

Len Brown has been forced to come up with a list of his 100 things he dreamed up to do in 100 days. It is day 79 into his hundred days and he releases a list of 52 things. Here they are (don’t laugh, he’s serious, my comments are in bold):

  1. Cruise ship terminal options study Whoopy
  2. RWC 2011 schools programme How is this the mayors project?
  3. Study into web or broadcast of governing body meetings – How hard can it be parliament does it?
  4. Business Advisory Panel  – Already existed
  5. Civil Defence preparedness test – Already existed and standard in any council planning
  6. Neighbourhood Civil Defence response plans – Already existed and standard in any council planning
  7. Civil Defence social media plan – WTF teaching chumps to use Twitter!!!
  8. Completion of Potter’s Childrens’ Garden – And who started it Lenny?
  9. Mayor in the Chair – That’s one original thought, right there.
  10. Yates Building clean-up – Corporate welfare
  11. Theatre venue study – Another freaking study…study is weasel words for too hard
  12. Opening the Books – Still waiting on the opening of the books from Manukau…oh that’s right I made you tell us about Volare by complaining to the Ombudsmen.
  13. CCO Strategy and Appointments Sub-committee – More secret appointments?
  14. CCTV plan – Was already in progress in many locations.
  15. CBD rail link business case – Len’s big train set.
  16. Traffic management integration – Uhmmm this is Transit and the Transport CCO’s responsibility not the Mayors
  17. Integrated public transport ticketing – a slogan so far
  18. Kokako protection area expansion – WTF…as if you came up with that idea.
  19. Wynyard Quarter plan change – Already in progress by previous council
  20. Sports and Recreation Advisory Panel – Already existed in previous councils
  21. Anti graffiti initiative – All councils have been doing this for years, Manukau, the most highly graffiti’d city in NZ was spectacularly unsuccesful at this.
  22. RWC 2011 training venues – A Mayoral initiative…yeah right…I think you will find that there is a Minister responsible who will be claiming this one.
  23. RWC 2011 stadium walk-up – A Mayoral initiative…yeah right…I think you will find that there is a Minister responsible who will be claiming this one.
  24. Gateway Plaza construction – Already underway, certainly not Len’s idea and he has already mentioned this under a different name as the Wyndard Quarter.
  25. Orakei basin boardwalk – built by Banksie, finished just weeks after the election, he can hardly claim this one.
  26. Auckland Anniversary enhancement – I don’t have any idea what this even means and I doubt Len does either.
  27. Spatial plan initiation – Spatial plans from all cities were amalgamated into the new city, actually is business as usual.
  28. Recommending the budget – You mean the part where you hiked rates by over three times what you promised? That budget?
  29. Council structure announcement – It was mandated by law you chump.
  30. Youth Advisory Panel – YAWN
  31. Regular engagement with local boards – It is required by law idiot.
  32. CBD rail link route protection – Another report and  job for bureaucrats, certainly not the mayors great idea.
  33. Airport rail link designation – Len can have this one…his second original and stupid idea.
  34. Auckland Summit – A freaking meeting, he is claiming a freaking meeting!
  35. CCO accountability – Yeah starting with secret board appointees, CCO’s are accountable as mandated by law. Not Len’s idea, actually it is Rodney’s.
  36. Pacific Advisory Panel – How the hell is a Pacific advisory panel, which is mandated by legislation, a new mayoral initiative?
  37. Opening up the Town Hall – It is open every day dickhead.
  38. Rural Advisory Panel – F*ck the farmers, greedy self interested c*nts.
  39. Otahuhu Bus Station upgrade – Responsibility of the transport CCO and Maxx and not Len’s idea or project.
  40. Destination strategy – Whatever that means…is he going to dream up cool new destinations to travel to?
  41. Doubling public transport patronage – How? I love plans like this, it means I can bash him to death over it in 2 years time when the numbers are nowhere near doubled.
  42. Alternative transport strategy – You mean drive 9 kms in a mayoral car to a train station?
  43. School transport programmes – You mean like riding bikes and walking instead of catching Mummy’s SUV? Hardly a new initiative.
  44. Bus lane review – Another report…and already was in progress.
  45. Free swimming pools feasibility study – Len’s third original idea.
  46. Recreation and sport reference group – Already in existence at several councils, nothing new here, business as usual.
  47. Disability reference group – Probably mandated by law… certainly no fresh idea from Len.
  48. Saving the Suffrage Centenary Memorial – from what? Bizarrely claiming to do something when the actual decision is to do nothing.
  49. Pre-governing body public forums – I won’t even try to unravel that clap-trap
  50. Regional governing body meetings – It’s what you are freaking paid for.
  51. Monthly town hall meetings – Same as 50.!
  52. Ethnic Advisory Panel – How the hell is an ethnic advisory panel, which is mandated by legislation, a new mayoral initiative?

What a banal, pathetic attempt at spinning he is doing something. I’ll make a bold prediction though. I bet you dear readers that tomorrow there is a breathless article in the Herald from Bernard Wh-Orsman about the wonderful things that Len Brown has achieved for us all since being elected.

From the look of the list Len is struggling to come up with anything original, there are just three things on that list that he could honestly claim as his own, the rest are either not his ideas, business as usual or legal mandated in legislation.

Might I suggest a few more to help pad out the list.

53. Opened office door
54. Walked into office
55. Sat in office chair
56. Signed my name
57. Slapped face
58. Started rapping
59. Fell over
60. Spoke to god
61. Decided I was now Jesus
62. Persecuted like Jesus
63. Resurrected
64. Whipped out the council plastic for dinner and opera

I’ll say one thing though, Conor Roberts must be on leave because I simply can’t believe he would have anything to do with this sorry pathetic list of so-called achievements.

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