fa Goff

Dave Armstrong takes apart Labour and their pro tempore leader Phil Goff:

Last week I mistyped the Opposition leader’s name as Phil Goof. Given his recent form, my mistake may well go uncorrected by sub-editors. But can you really lump all Labour’s woes at the feet of Mr Goof? I don’t think so.

And that was just the second paragraph, there is more:

If Labour was a cricket team, it would be 60-7 chasing 260 to win with 30 overs to go. When Darren Hughes quit, I scanned the Labour list, desperately hoping someone like Richie McCaw may have put his name forward. No such luck. After Mr Hughes was Judith Tizard, Mark Burton and Mahara Okeroa. Jesus. There’s more talent in the Zimbabwe late order.

That’s the third paragraph, the hits just keep on coming:

The trouble with Mr Goff is the trouble with Labour – their legacy. Watch Alister Barry’s excellent documentary, Someone Else’s Country, and you’ll see Phil in the 1980s hysterically defending Rogernomics – a thirty-something, Treasury-crazed, moustachioed nut. By comparison, even Michael Laws comes off as compassionate in the documentary.

Today when Mr Goff talks about closing the gap between rich and poor, I simply don’t believe him. It’s like a newly reformed alcoholic trying to convince you that he now prefers the taste of tomato juice to tequila.

Labour spent nine long years largely trusting a free market “leave it to the unregulated banks” economic policy developed in Chicago and introduced to New Zealand by Roger Douglas.

The introduction of possums did more good for the country. Labour never restored Ruth Richardson’s benefit cuts and neo- Leftists like David Cunliffe (another name one must be very careful typing) happily existed for nine years in a government drier than a Hawke’s Bay chardonnay.

And speaking of Phil Goff’s legacy ,here is a bit of Youtube whimsy for you . I can’t confirm or deny whether this might be one of the campaigns Labour is considering for the election. It does however help to underline his extensive experience… as a lifelong politician.

NOTE: If you pause this clip at exactly the right moment (08 secs).  You will see an article headed: “Phil Goff – Big Hair, Bright Future.”
It starts – “Twenty years ago Phil Goff was hot.  So were VCRs, big hair, Hill Street Blues, and Duran Duran.”

Clearly us  bastards on the right of the blogosphere don’t give Phil credit for his extensive politcal legacy.

Looking at this video though, it”s his hair!

But back to Dave Armstrong for the last word:

If only there was the technology to morph different Labour politicians into one. Imagine a Labour leader with Jacinda Ardern’s looks, Trevor Mallard’s mongrel, Shane Jones’ blokie-ness, David Cunliffe’s intellect and Louisa Wall’s sporting ability. Trouble is, if you left it to Labour head office, you’d probably get an MP with Trevor Mallard’s looks, Jacinda Ardern’s mongrel, David Cunliffe’s blokie-ness, George Hawkins’ intellect and Judith Tizard’s sporting ability. But as any zoologist will tell you, there is no animal more ruthless than Labourite caucusi sniffing consecutive election defeats.

Despite no clear alternative, Labour’s caucus may soon say to its leader, as David Lange brilliantly called out to him in Samoan as he left for Apia, “fa Goff”.


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  • middleagedwhiteguy

    @ 1:02 “Not Triangle face! It scares me!”

  • Dave Armstrong was generous to Labour. In cricketing terms, they’re 60 for nine in the last over, needing 200 off six balls.

  • buffalobob

    Adern’s looks…..haha she would look better with a paper bag over her head….

    • grizz

      Beggars can’t be choosers.

  • chuck

    Chris Trotter was interviewed by Larry Williams on 4 April 2011.


    I quote the part related to Trotter’s analysis of Goff’s position if Hughes is charged by police. I quote starting at about 7m 50s on the MP3 file I downloaded from NewstalkZB.

    “Well, there is at tremendous amount of rumour flying New Zealand at the moment and I don’t know if the rumours are true of false. But, I would say if half – even half – of what is rumoured to have happened turns out to be true then certainly Phil Goff’s and Annette King’s positions will become untenable.”

    There is a bit more but remember this is from a left wing journalist.

    • abjv

      “Positions” as in karma sutra and a swiss ball? There are certainly some interesting rumours floating around.

  • devlsadvocate

    Well I for one would be curious to see Jacinda Ardern’s mongrel on show…

  • reid

    It’s quite unbelievable Goff himself still hasn’t woken up to what he’s now become. He has no chance. His public now is of a small, spiteful, ill-tempered bully. He will be utterly trashed in the opinion polls leading up to the election. Utterly.

    Meanwhile, he keeps reinforcing the image the more he opens his mouth to attack National and the more he does that the more his polling will dive. Nothing he can do will make a difference barring a total personality transplant which he’s not capable of doing because he doesn’t even know he’s doing it, let alone what it takes to stop doing it.

    This is so good. This is absolutely wonderful.

    Unfortunately, this allows National to continue its somewhat lacklustre performance, strategy-wise, re: the economy. I really hope Goff gets rolled before the election and Mallard gets put in charge.

    THAT would MAKE these luke-warm bloody so-called economic conservatives, actually DO something about the broken economy. Fire English for a start. A Finance Minister who’s incapable of booting Treasury’s arse isn’t worthy of the title. And he used to be one. I thought he’d be good, but he’s bereft of ideas. Evidentally.