May 2011

Whale vs Duck – Update

Whaleoil vs MallardDay two of serious training. Thanks to all those who have sent emails of support, I appreciate all the support. I am committed to thrashing Trevor Mallard so badly he never raises his crippled head again.

This morning I went to the gym again and jumped on the spin cycle. Yesterday I had knocked out 30 minutes of interval training and so today I wanted to increase that. In the end i did 35 minutes with the same 2 minute intervals as yesterday.

Overnight I had a GP contact me with a suggested diet to lose weight but maintain lean muscle mass. That is now in progress.

Just after the gym one of my mates contacted my via Facebook to say he had potentially  found me a bike sponsor. I had to meet them at 3pm.

So at 3pm I rocked along to Mt Eden Cycles and met Mark Taylor and the team.

Mt Eden Cycles

I can now announce that I have a bike for training and for the race against Trevor Mallard. It is a Specialized Tarmac.

Specialized Tarmac

I’m told this is the bike that won the Tour de France. Mark and his team fitted me for the bike and and also sorted some gear like a helmet, shirt and shoes.

They have also agreed to monitor my training and give pointers and tips. They have suggested I also go along for their Shop Rides or if the weather is crappy their Spin Classes.

Mark Taylor from Mt Eden Cycles with the Race bike

The bike is awesome. It is so light. Here is a little video for your entertainment. Bet Trevor Mallard can’t even raise his arms above his shoulders let alone bicep curl his bike.

Now all we need is helmet cams and live streaming of the race. Pity Steven Joyce hasn’t organised the UFB yet.

UPDATE: This just in, Trevor Mallard’s secret swimming training video.

What does Machiavelli say about Trevor working as campaign manager for Phil?

“It is an unerring rule and of universal application that a prince who is not wise himself cannot be well advised by others. Good counsels have their origin in the prudence of the prince, and not the prudence of the prince in wise counsels”.

The literal translation from the italian is the political cripple is pushing shit up hill and should bale out before he is covered in it.

Has Cosgrove changed teams?

Clayton Cosgrove appears to have changed teams, not only that it appears he has negotiated a Ministerial portfolio as well. This was from his email he spread all over parliament. Clayton Cosgrove never was one to hold back on promoting himself.

The online version has been corrected.

Cosgrove promotes himself

Hot off the tip line

Rumours are swirling that the esteemed temporary Leader of the Labour Party is to take at least a week off from the election campaign to attend his son’s wedding.

Attending your son’s wedding in itself is an obviously important duty as a father however let’s just unpack the problems with this at a political level.

  1. If your own son believed you could win the election wouldn’t he ensure the timing of the wedding was outside the election campaign process?  I mean, if my Dad was likely to be PM I’d be doing everything to help him get there – even postponing my own wedding.
  2. Is leaving the country for a week a good idea?  I don’t know.  It might pay to ask Jim Bolger and a number of other former Leaders what usually happens when you go overseas.
  3. Is Goff trying to outplay the PM and show that he too can attend a wedding overseas?  I’m not sure how much media coverage junior Goff’s wedding will get though.
  4. Do the polls say that you can take a week off work?  I suspect they don’t.

Now, let’s look at the positives.

  1. Attending his son’s wedding will remind the wider public that Goff is not Clark.  He is a family man.
  2. Attending his son’s wedding will remind the wider public that Goff is just like Key.  He is a family man.
  3. OK, so

Poor Mr Goff, can’t get a break anywhere.


A vote for?

Following on from yesterdays post, a reader pointed out through the tip line John Key needs to be very careful about talking up the Maori Party.

The same logic that was used in 2008 “A vote for Winston Peters is a vote for Helen Clark” could be used on John Key. “A vote for National is a vote for a coalition with the Maori Party”.

National desperately need some polling to tell them what people think of this line or they could lose support rapidly to ACT.

Trevorism – definition




1. Used to describe nasty innuendo rumors and false accusations based on flat out lies borne of desperation for relevance and media attention
2. the expression so substituted: “American Bagmen” is a Trevorism for “donor”
3. the expression so substituted: “Crosby|Textor” is a Trevorism for “advisor”, especially when you know your own side is using American campaign consultants.

New Heineken ad

Watch this new Heineken ad. Note for Trevor Mallard the correct use of a Heineken bottle.

Rangitikei Selection – Congratulations Ian McKelvie

Clear favourite and Manawatu Mayor is the National Candidate for Rangitikei. He beat Fleur Greig, Roger Hynd and Reon Hince to the selection. People in the room have told the tipline was a very solid performance from an experienced and competent politician.

Ian will face a competent campaigner in Josie Pagani, who will be backed by a lot of union muscle and the acknowledged campaign mastery of her husband.

Unfortunately for Josie she has lost her composure and got way off message, criticising National’s selection process.

Mr McKelvie’s main competition in the electorate will come from Labour candidate Josie Pagani, who welcomed him into the contest but raised concerns about the fairness of the selection process. “Serious questions need to be answered about whether National followed its own processes and sought out the best candidate, or closed ranks to keep energetic younger candidates out.”

Why Josie didn’t have intelligence to talk about what Labour would do for Rangitikei is beyond comprehension, but the left love throwing mud and maybe Trevor Mallard was running her messages. She should have been making a case for Labour representing a seat that returned a Social Credit candidate in the 70’s and 80’s so has a track record of doing odd things.

Josie stop listening to Trevor and start talking up your own message. And as readers know this blog outs skullduggery and bad behaviour, and believes the 60 delegate selection process run by National means the electorates get who they want, rather than having candidates forced on them by the National Party. Even New Zealand’s favourite grandmother, Maggie Barry, was beaten by Jami-Lee Ross in Botany when she was the party hierarchy’s preferred option.

Labour can hardly point the finger about selection processes with their union dominated and headquarters rigged process.

Obviously Josie hasn’t met either Fleur or Roger who are both a little dated, and can’t be described as young even by the most charitable individual.

As a footnote, due to Nikki Guy’s tragic family circumstances Nikki withdrew from the Rangitikei selection. Nikki is a Palmerston North City Councillor and exceptionally highly regarded by seasoned political veterans.

Nikki is still young enough to have a career in parliament and I wish her luck changes in the future as she will make a very good MP and a big contributor to New Zealand.

National now just needs to complete the Epsom selection, which i’m told is shaping up to be very interesting.

Brian Edwards epiphany

Brian Edwards has had an epiphany, he has had his “road to Damascus”, he has converted and his argument is compelling.

Well, I’ve been having a bit of a rethink about this myself and it’s blindingly obvious to me, as it must be to any other reasonable person, that what the PM is saying just has to be right.

It’s just common sense that if an employer has a choice of employing someone on $12.50 an hour and someone else to do the same job for $15 an hour, he’s going to employ the first bloke. And if he can’t afford $12.50 an hour, he’s not going to employ either of them. That’s simple economics. We could call it ‘John’s Law’:The higher the hourly rate, the higher the number of unemployed.

The corollary of John’s Law – let’s call it ‘Bill’s Law’ – must then logically be: The lower the hourly rate, the lower the number of unemployed.

Now, unlike Ms Misa, I can quote several million ‘experts’ to support Bill’s Law. They’re all in highly productive work, none of them are on the bread line, they rarely complain about their lives or working conditions, their economy is knocking the rest of the world for six and almost every New Zealander benefits financially from their labour. They’re the Chinese of course and we could learn a lot from them.

Here are some of the things we could learn:

  • If the minimum wage were set at $2 an hour instead of $12.50 an hour, a manufacturer could  take on six (and a quarter) workers instead of just one.
  • In one fell swoop unemployment would be erased.
  • With his now significantly  increased output the manufacturer  could greatly decrease the cost of his product, thus hugely increasing both his domestic and, more importantly, his export sales.
  • At the same time, the $2 minimum wage would put pressure on all wages, increasing the manufacturer’s  margins and therefore his taxable income.
  • By way of example, the clothing and shoe-making industries, both driven out of New Zealand because of high wages and an inability to compete in the international market, would be revived.
  • Instead of buying clothes and shoes from China, we would be selling our clothes and shoes to the rest of the world, including China.
  • And so it would be with everything, from plastic toys to Kiwi-built personal flying machines.

In summary, if the minimum wage were reduced rather than increased, we would become a mini China. Our $17 billion deficit would be gone by lunchtime.  The Government’s coffers would be full.

While it is certainly true that wages and salaries will fall dramatically under Bill’s Law, several compensatory factors must be borne in mind:

  • Everyone in New Zealand who wants a job will have a job;
  • Huge government surpluses will make it possible for governments to offer substantial across-the-board, flat-rate tax cuts every three years as a sort of Christmas bonus;.
  • Blue jeans, most clothing and flat screen 3-D TVs will be cheap as chips;
  • Charities, including public hospitals and schools,  can expect to receive much larger donations from the new super-rich;
  • The job-market for gardeners, chauffeurs, nannies, maids, butlers, cooks, kitchen hands, cleaners, chimney sweeps and other ‘downstairs’ staff will  hugely increase;
  • New Zealand’s 100% pure, clean/green environment, cheap labour and inexpensive retail goods will make it a tourist paradise and a Mecca for foreign investment;
  • The trickle-down theory will become the trickle down law.

Ms Misa will of course reject Bill’s (and John’s)  Law. She will say that it will  create even greater divisions between the haves and have-nots in society. Of Labour’s policy of increasing rather than reducing the minimum wage, she writes:

‘There’s no doubt about the good it will do: it will put more money in the hands of the struggling low-paid, and lighten the load on Working for Families.’

To that, in the immortal words of Milton Friedman, I reply, ‘Yeah right!’

With that I welcome Brian Edwards to the dark side. He has written a concise, perfectly logical justification for the lowering of the minimum wage. I don’t think any treatise from the Round Table has ever so successfully explained the position.

Well done Brian.


Whale vs. Duck – Update

Whaleoil vs Mallard

First up I have to thank all the people who have emailed me with messages of support and advice. It is very much appreciated.

Today is really the first day of the campaign to kick Trevor Mallard‘s arse in the sport of his choice.

So this morning I went to the gym to have chat with Buck about my fitness programme. THen I jump on the spin bikes and did a 30 minute interval session with Buck yelling at me. 2 minutes on low resistance and then 2 minutes on high resistance standing on the pedals, for 30 minutes. I then topped that off with a quick weight circuit to aid with the energy burn.

When I got home tonight I then went for a 10km walk around my usual route.

Once I get a bike started I’ll start riding to Manukau from home and back again each week day, plus a gym session with my walk each night.

I am trying to get my weight down as quickly as possible but without reducing lean muscle mass.

Now I need to work on my diet.

There is no way I am doing to let Trevor Mallard beat me.