I accept

Trevor Mallard has issued a challenge. As is usual for the cripple he has picked the one sport he is good at it (if you can all it a sport) and he has also picked on the wrong person for a challenge.

So Trevor, I accept your challenge, however some things need to be sorted before we go head to head.

Firstly, I need a bike, not just any bike the same bike you use. We have to race using exactly the same equipment. It is only fair. The only difference will be the riders. A Cripple vs a Whale.

Secondly, the race will be on August 15 and I pick 60kms for the distance, if you are going to go, go big.

Thirdly, since you picked a sport that you excel at, it is only fair that there be a counter-challenge and I choose boxing. You mentioned your “fear” of my excessive bulk. I currently weigh 105kg. You stated in the comments on Red Alert that if I got training then I would lose 30kg and you’re are probably right, therefore there should be no reason other than your cowardice for rejecting a boxing match 8 weeks after our cycle race.

You have 48 hours to accept all conditions. The NBR are following this story closely so best you step up and leave the washing for the woman of the house


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  • adolffiinkensein

    Well done Whale, well done.

    Just for fun and to see the look on his face, why don’t you turn up for the 15th on a 500 cc Yamaha?

  • gazzaw

    I hope for Trev’s sake that he’s better at boxing than he is at picking asparagus.

  • Trevor Mallard

    Getting close Whale, but I can’t do boxing. No big secret that I had a spinal (neck) injury playing rugby about a decade ago which has left me with pretty severe cord compression and highly elevated risk levels. No contact sports of public variety.

    • Well then lets do Sporting Clays, it is only walking and shooting, plus you can even do it from a wheelchair http://youtu.be/cYN3cwyC4ZI

      • michaels

        Fuck ya Whale, what about the idea of mine of shooting on the rugby field???!!!
        One shot and he’d be gone hopefully.

    • Doc

      Hey Trev, can you do Swiss Ball exercises?

      • scanner

        Easy fixed Trev, just get Whale to promise not to hit you to hard in all those little places, just as an aside the injury didn’t seem to be much of a problem when you were threatening motorists in Wgtn.

        • The Herald of 17/9/2009 reports:

          At one point Sky was on track to operate the new parliamentary television service, broadcasting the House in action, following behind the scenes discussions.

          Relations with Maharey, however, were cool. The ad hoc allocation of the contract was halted after the intervention of Green Leader Rod Donald, then handed to state TV.

          One of O’Brien’s smartest initiatives has been organising away trips for the Parliamentary rugby team, with Sky contributing some of the costs and organising other corporate sponsors.

          These trips gave Sky the unique opportunity for quality time with MPs, including Cabinet ministers, away from Parliament.

          When Maharey left as minister, rugby team member Trevor Mallard took over and Sky was surprised that he opted to continue with the regulatory review. In the words of one adversary: “Sky’s failing is to overestimate the influence of a lunch or a friendly gesture.”


          That’s really interesting. Steve Maharey, according to his Wiokipedia profile, was Minister of Broadcasting between 2002 and 2004.


          When did you have that neck injury Trevor?

  • johnboy

    Your neck injury never held you back from taking a swing at Tau Trev.

    Are you a gutless wanker or just a bloody racist?

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  • Trevor Mallard

    One on one basketball ?

    • thor42

      WO has accepted, your challenge, Mallard.
      The least you can do is “man up” and in turn accept his challenge at clay-target shooting.
      Stop being a wuss and pissing around.

      • Doc

        He’s a Labour politician, what else would you expect? Helen was the only one they had who had any balls.

        • Trevor Mallard

          Guys he accepted my challenge on the bike. I’m happy to go with that. He wants an opportunity to get revenge in the unlikely event he loses to a “cripple”.

  • grizz

    Why don’t you two hop on a tandom bicycle and challenge Farrar and Nash to a race. It will be the Whale and the Duck vs the Manatee and the Mangrove. The Duck is crippled. The Manatee only has post midnight dancing to his sporting CV so it should even out.

    • Because tandem cycling is for lovers or poofs. AFAIK Whale is neither a poof, nor having any affair with Mallard. Farrar and Nash on the other hand…

  • titanuranus

    I` ve got a challenge, how about we run a sweepstake on how many times the Labour fuckwits are going repeat “the rich are getting richer and the poor are getting poorer” and other assorted platitudes during the run up to the election.

  • Trevor Mallard

    So I understand whale, despite me accepting all your bike conditions, ie you choose date distance, city, even route and identical bikes (though I think that is a mistake on your part) you aren’t prepared to race without a facesaver in the unlikely event you can’t beat someone you described a couple of days ago as a cripple with a link to me in a wheelchair.

    • reid

      Trev you could simply accept the clays. Your sport, his sport, the best man wins.

      15 August is fuck all time to get conditioned. You’ll cream him in the bikes.

      • Trevor Mallard

        reid ten weeks since I was on a bike. Can’t walk without crutches. It is me who needs the conditioning.

        • reid

          When did you last see Cam, Trev?


    • chris73

      You soft cock loser, you challenge Cam to something you do regularly and yet when he issues you a counter-challenge (in fact two challenges) you try to pussy out.

      You’re a big tough guy behind a monitor and in parliament but when challenged to man-up in the real world you’re nothing but a little cry-baby.

    • toby

      Trevor Mallard, isn’t your whole reason of this challenge to gain face to begin with? I think it’s a bit rich of you to make out that WO only wants a reciprocal challenge to try to save face, as though your intentions are pure as the driven snow.

      Here’s the thing, Trevor Mallard. You challenged WO to a sporting duel on your terms in an activity you could reasonably expect to beat WO at, even with your respective disabilities. It’s only fair for you to accept a counter-challenge from WO on his terms. Otherwise, you get home court advantage.

  • Trevor Mallard

    And Whale if you want to make it a race with money going to campaign funds I will put $500 into a pot, don’t expect you to, but you could work on sponsors.

    If I win cash to the Labour Party, if you win to Act (presume you are still there) or Nats.

    Or we could nominate a charity each.

    • You need to man up on my challenge instead of trying to negotiate like it is coalition negotiations with Winston.

      Yeah and where’s my bike?

      • monty

        Or better still the dish goes to the election funds of the winners choice. I would so love to see Trev donating $500 to the National party election funds. maybe the leader of the political party ( key or goff) could publicly accept the cheque – or is that too tough for you Trev?

    • Needs to match Cactus’ grand Trevor…you donate to ACT and give it to Don Brash personally, and in the unlikely event i lose I’ll hand mine to Goff….that is if he will front…he chickenedout the last time we were due to front on TV together.

      • monty

        Trev wil be too much of a pussy to accept this challenge, but count me in Cam for a hundred and let’s see who else will toss in a hundy and you will be there.

  • NZ Groover

    No matter what anyone says Whale, they can’t deny your mastery of “new media” marketing. This has got nothing to do with the challenge and everything to do with raising profiles. This is good for you but make bloody sure that TM doesn’t gain from this.

  • scanner

    Trev you’re a soft cock, the big man when the opportunity is there to try and start something when you know it’s only going to be a one punch fight, but now the chance is there to step up you slime off to the corner, whats next glasses perhaps cause you can’t hit someone wearing them.
    Typical school teacher – a man among boys, and a boy amonng men.

  • jabba

    I warned you a year or so ago about riding bikes Trev .. should have listened even though the crash was your fault not that of some arsehole is a car.
    You challenged Whale, not the other way around. Get patched up, do the fight for Christchurch. If you want to chicken out, your words, then pass the baton to Plughead .. he is pretending to be the saviour of CHCH

  • thor42

    Hey Mallard – if that neck injury is so dodgy and risky, then why the fuck wasn’t it aggravated in your bike crash?
    Sounds like BULLSHIT to me…..

    • oldlogger

      Sounds like bullshit to me too.
      Didn’t stop you taking a swing at Tau in the corridor. C’mon you sack of shit, man up!

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  • Trevor, you have shown your utter and abject lack of any political acumen. You’re wrestling with a pig. You’re gonna get dirty and the pig will enjoy it. There is no winning here for you. The only possible victory is that Whale will get more prime-time radio play.

    You should never have responded to Whale’s taunts in the first place. You are after all, “The Honourable” Mr Mallard, the former holder of Her Majesty’s Ministerial Warrant. You’re playing chicken with a blogger with a mental illness FFS.

    This encounter explains why Labour is sinking so fucking fast in the polls, and why that smiling, waving empty suited fucking idiot is so fucking popular. Thanks Trevor, for giving us another 3 years of the disgraceful treasonous National party pandering to the politics of hate, envy and apartheid. That’s supposed to be your territory not theirs.

  • scanner

    Well done Duck you have now fallen to the official position of “Whales Bitch” in other words you are “owned” (http://onlineslangdictionary.com/meaning-of/get-owned)

  • For the route how about you do a point to point? Start in Shamrock Park, first to Sky Tower wins – choose your own route, no closed roads (like using a motorway, which is closed to Bicycles).

  • cadwallader

    Sorry Whale but your rooted on this: Trevor is a Labour MP and we all know they’re racing downhill until November (if not for longer!)

  • Mr Blobby

    The Dual is on.
    You should be honored. Only gentlemen are considered to have honor, and duels are reserved for social equals. If a gentleman’s honor is offended by a person of lower class, he should not duel him, but simply beat him with a whip or have his servants do so.
    Trevor has taken offense, real or imagined, and has demanded satisfaction from the offender (You) and thrown down the Gauntlet.
    You are obligated to accept the challenge or be dishonored.
    The challenge has been accepted. The field of satisfaction has been decided.
    15 August, Bikes, to 60 Km’s
    Trevor as you seem to have wondered into hostile territory I would be honored to act as your second.

  • I am an expert on Duels due to my extensive reading of Historical Romances :)
    The person who challenges does NOT get to pick the weapons, the man who is challenged gets that honor. Therefore, as Wo’s better half I have selected the following sporty number for the bike race. I think it is appropriate to the nature of the race. What do you all think?

    • thor42

      Pretty flash, SB…… ;)

  • fordtruck

    I think your machine may be a bit too powerful for the duellers, but just in case, put a red fag…(that was a faux pas)…I mean, put a red flag on the back, add panniers for drinks, food and a first aid kit, a GPS unit in case someone loses their way, a 50cc engine for the hills and check the route for any STOP sign that may not meet regulation and you may have an even contest.

  • whalewatcher

    Whale – 105kg?
    I’m 108
    In 1986 you were even more of a skinny white boy than me. And you had curlier hair..

    Get fit, then get some duck.
    And you won’t need your new 12G

    • Going Mallard shooting this weekend…down your way actually.

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  • Ciaron

    Whatever you do, get the bike fitted to you.

    And learn how to fix puntures (assuming you dont have support crew)