Trevor Mallard – Part 1

Trevor seems to be suffering since his senior moment on a cycle, apart from his deliusions which I will cover in a separate post, his hip and shoulder seem to be causing him a great deal of pain. I understand he is spending a huge amount in the wheelchair off camera and out of sight of the media.

Here are some handy links for him to assist with his recovery. Because I’ve been ill and I know how hard it is to get through recovery.

Safe Sexual Positions Post Hip Replacement Surgery

Approved Positions
Positions for Intercourse which Do Conform to Precautions of Total Hip Replacement

Trevor take note: Not these ones….and I guess the Swiss Ball at Annette’s is out. I wonder if the Police have returned it yet?

Avoid Positions
Positions for Intercourse To Be Avoided Following Total Hip Replacement


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  • pwebb

    Hahahahaha Cameron

    Very funny.

    So who is Simon Lusk and what role did he have in the ACT takeover by National? Trevor has made very detailed allegations. Care to respond to them point by point?

    • Trevor hasn’t made any allegations, just smears without a shred of evidence. Now fuck off with your smears too.

  • thor42

    Nice one, WO!
    Hey, there’s one thing that Trev can still do as much as he likes (even though he’s an invalid now)….. masturbation.
    Then again, he’s probably doing a fair bit of that already…..

  • Trevor Mallard

    No secret whale, use chair round Parliament including through the media scrum twice this week. Still touch rather than full weight bearing.

    Thanks for doing the drawings. Not sure what I think of you focussing on that part of my life. Might have been useful six weeks ago.

    Recovering well.

    • monty

      Too much info re last part of post. Do hope you recover soon. Obviously you are too bloody grumpy such is the rate you have been banning and moderating at red alert.

    • mediatart

      Keep up the good work Trevor.
      Its not nice work but someone has to do it. National makes much of union figures in the back rooms of the labour party so its sweet payback to hear of their hit squad and their tactics

      • titanuranus

        Looooooooool, jesus MT do you swallow?

  • grizz

    No disrespect to your invalid statud Trev, but these pictures are for people with hip replacements. I suspect you still have your native hips and your sexual abilities will compromised in a different way. I doubt there is too much of the both partners standing, but I am sure you can at least do a bit of missionary or at least girl on top (At least try to avoid fracturing you Penis with that one!).

  • titanuranus

    I`m betting Trev you didn`t have to wait 4days to have your injuries operated on.
    Back 2001 and 2007 I had the misfortune to break my legs ,both times I had to wait 4 days before a surgeon would look at me in the fucking hellhole that Helen created that is the NZ health service. I would have been better off in Zimbabwe.
    If in the future it happens again and they want to take me to Middlemore,I`ll tell to fuck off and I`ll walk home,broken leg or not.
    Hope you`re proud of what your Labour party hasn`t achieved,fuckwit.

    • mediatart

      WEll its just got 10 times worse since those days t-uranus.
      Your case was an ACC job was it not .
      Nick Smith has made it so that 4 months would be your delay not 4 days and that your ‘degeneration’ sounds like a major factor. Who with all their faculties would suffer such a calamity – twice

      • titanuranus


  • adolffiinkensein

    There doesn’t appear to be much of the missionary in Mr Mallard so, is one left to conclude that for the time being he is celibate?

    • Might explain the foul temper, Adolf.

      Either that, or he’s finally realised the vast majority of his gaggle will be lining up for the unemployment benefit come November 27.

      • gazzaw

        ……..or offering their services as union organisers or social policy advisors. Certainly nothing that contributes to society.

        • Outside of universities and unions, the whole damn lot of them are basically unem-fucking-ployable. I sure as hell wouldn’t want any of them in my company!

  • jabba

    the biggest problem with the positions shown is that there is an extra person required

  • cheshirecat

    Just one question; why is Trev wearing a wig in the first position?

  • titan

    The drawings is discriminatory and meaningless – especially for a Labor MP.

    Wheres the Gay version?

  • Abbie214

    supper explanation

  • Abbie214

    i want to fuck any one is ready now???