Friday Firepower – Hunting Taniwha

By all accounts taniwha are fearsome creatures that will require some serious firepower to put down hard. I have compiled a selection of interesting weapons that could be used.

Consultants’ preferred route would avoid the tributary and the stream, except for drainage through Queen Elizabeth II Square next to Britomart, which was an unreclaimed part of the harbour when the stream was buried.

But Mr Hawke said the taniwha swam into the tide as well as up and down the stream.

Len might give you a special permit to wait at the stream mouth for the taniwha to fill it with lead. Kev is on his way in the Hilux to help.

SOme suggested rifles would be the awesome Rigby Double Rifles. At $32500 USD though I might need a treat settlement to be able to afford one for taniwha hunting. Realistically I would need to get it in at least .577 Nitro Express and those rifles start at $44,500 USD.

Given the fearsome reputation of taniwha I should really be considering something like .700 Nitro Express.

Holland & Holland make the Royal Double Rifle which is an eye watering starting price of £95,000.

If you are going after taniwha then this is probably the puppy and a hell of lot cheaper than feeding the taniwha its usual diet of coinage and notes.


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  • What kind of hunting licence would be required for Taniwha? You can’t just go out and shoot quail for example with a 22 and you can’t fish for trout without paying the required fee. Where would I go to get a Taniwha license and what calibre of weapon are we allowed to use. As they are water loving do I have to use fliess or can I use lead?

  • oswaldbastable

    A whopping fine to the ‘owners’ for not having a dangerous animal microchipped, registered, neutered and behind a secure fence- that should do for it!

  • thor42

    I still reckon a dose of 1080 will do the trick…… ;)
    Get ’em gobbling down a few 1080-laced carrots and that’ll give them a puku-ache like they’ve never had before…….

  • royaloaks

    If you get old Horotiu in your sights, make sure you are at least 150 metres away from him as he will splat big time and crap will go everywhere.

    • thor42

      Heh……. nice one….. :)
      I just **have** to put a link to this good ol’ Kiwi classic here – “Puha and Pakeha”
      ( Actually, maybe puha goes well with taniwha too………. )
      Classic line – “I don’t give a hangi for the Treaty of Waitangi – you can’t get fat on that!”

  • gazzaw

    A few bins of burley (read koha) should bring it out in the open.

    • thor42

      “Koha and taniwha, koha and taniwha….. “

  • Mr Blobby

    What did Taniwha eat before the white man turned up with buckets of dollar bills

    • gazzaw

      He probably didn’t exist until the gullible white man turned up.