Hard to know whether this press release is satire or not but it adds weight to Cactus Kate’s comments that she is”delighted” to see Heather Roy go. I mean really!

ACT New Zealand is delighted to be counted among the opposition parties calling for healthy eating policies following the release of a report showing New Zealand has one of the highest rates of diabetes among developed countries, says the party’s Forbidden Foods Spokeswomanperson, Heather Roy.

An international team of researchers, working with the World Health Organisation, has found that New Zealand is among the top five nations where blood glucose levels indicate diabetes.

Labour leader Phil Goff says the findings vindicate Labour’s call to remove GST from fresh fruit and vegetables.

The Greens’ Spokesperson on the Prohibition of Everything, Sue Kedgley, says that doesn’t go far enough. She wants a ban on the ingestion of any form of animal protein, and a law to make veganism compulsory.

“ACT supports all of the above,” says Ms Roy, over a breakfast of tofu and spirulina. “But none of it addresses causes instead of symptoms. The real problem lies with eating, period. There’s just too much eating going on. Studies have shown conclusively that the vast majority of participants who developed diabetes had been eating for years. Personally I put it down to all those free lunches that people had before Roger’s reforms of the 80s … hatched – shame on him – over fish and chips.

“Yes, even I find it difficult to resist culinary temptation,” Ms Roy sighs, lasciviously eyeing a side-dish of bean sprouts. “But we must bite the bullet (and very little else). Another recent study showed that diabetes can be reversed on a diet of 600 calories a day. While such a regime may fall short of the ideal, no-calorie diet, a law banning the consumption of more than 600 calories should be the minimum objective of all parties’ healthy eating policies.

“Failure to pass such a law will only encourage stroppy individualists in their perverse and anti-social belief that what they eat is up to them,” Ms Roy concludes.


Nice to see Heather working hard, focussing on the really important issues that are core to ACT now there is no coups left to plot. This is what happens when you hire Lindsay Perigo as a press secretary. If ACT wants satire and smarmy writing then why don’t they just hire DimPost, at least it will be funny. Lindsay Perigo is ACTs answer to Bomber Bradbury.


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  • paranormal

    Sorry WO I think it is LOL hilarious. It plays to all the right stereotypes. Lets just wait and see if the MSM lambasts it. then we’ll know it was on target.

  • gaskranken

    `The real prob­lem lies with eat­ing, period.’

    That’s not a veiled reference to Alisdair Dinosaur is it?

  • titanuranus

    In todays political climate it has become increasingly difficult to distinguish satire from reality.
    Is Scoop NZs version of the Onion?


  • whalewatcher

    refreshing! some humour in NZ…

    I am a lover of http://www.thedailymash.co.uk – check it out, Kiwis

    I love ‘bite the bullet..’ so long as it is steel and not a lead bullet, that’ll poison all the birds we can’t eat..
    hang on, that steel comes from China and has a high-Carbon footprint. Oh dear, what do I bite now?
    My own bum?

    Bite me, Heather
    but not lasciviously, please. It hurts, and then you wont be a vegan no more

  • lowercaseusername

    She has a point, she’s just fucked it up. Anyone can afford 600 calories worth of vegetables. It also underlines that people who are prepared to take care of themselves with type II brought on by obesity can start at any stage. They don’t need some vote-grabbing GST gimmick, they just need a no-bullshit diet. A fantastic opportunity to make a point wasted.