Another "One"

Shane Jones is "one"You are one of the best fixers in maoridom, and traded your ability to fix things for a safe list seat for Labour. Based on your solving the maori fisheries issue you immediately became labeled likely to be the “First Maori Prime Minister”.

Being a good keen man you got slightly off side with the gaggle and the sisterhood, and the self serving unionist are a bit leery of you because you are not one of them. You believe you have cross over appeal to all New Zealanders, and do not have a reputation for being an arrogant c*** or a charisma free zone. Your cross over appeal is so great that your opponents on the other side of the house often ask you to join them, because they think your appeal to middle New Zealand would help them.

Unfortunately in the course of your ministerial duties you blotted your copy book, and had to pay back a modest amount of taxpayer money. Unlike your leader when he gets in trouble, you front footed it, apologized and copped it sweet.

This same leader, who thinks lying and blaming others is the way out of trouble, is now ruining your chances of being New Zealand’s first Maori Prime Minister. He has rooted your party, and seems intent on taking it to its lowest vote ever, through an incredibly inept display over nearly three years.

So you start wondering what would happen if you replaced him. Would you lift the polls? Would you be able to clean out the deadwood and make sure there were more MPs who appreciated red blooded males? Would you position yourself for becoming New Zealand’s first Maori Prime Minister in 2014?

Then you start thinking what a bunch of hopeless wets your caucus colleagues are, and start wondering why a “one” like you should wait around for a C*** or a Charisma free zone to ruin your party. So you get on the phone and start talking to your mates in caucus, and go from being a “one” to the “one”.


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  • Very good analysis WO. Has he been in receipt of any Txts from New York, d’you think?

  • John Fraser

    Is this the wanking hori who played with himself why watching WHITE girls getting bonked,why on a tax payer trougher trip
    shit he didnt watch MAORI wahines getting bonked so cam this troughing porn loving wanker only watched WHITE girls getting bonked why hoping the poor maori girl got bonked on the porn channel.Im not paying taxes FOR THE PORN CHANNEL WATCHER
    Shane Jones, shit that should disappear, is he a mate Cam??????

    • Brentster

      John, is English a second language for you, it doesn’t make a lot of sense!

  • Chris

    You’re right on the money in every respect, except one thing: getting caught watching a bit of porn in his hotel room will never be forgotten and will plague him forever. This isn’t because it put on the work credit card – look at all the other plonkers who pretty much get away this. It was what he was watching on the TV screen that’s done it. It’s this and this alone that means he’ll never be the PM – makes him way too much of an easy target. It shouldn’t be like this, but that’s just how it goes.

    • thor42

      Agreed. He will always be “Jack-off” Jones.

      • navyman

        yup. polishing the furniture at taxpayers expense won’t be forgotten..

      • lulu

        Agree. Call me sexist but this is a women thing. I understand most women dismiss Jones for watching porn. The abuse of the credit card and the white/Maori point that John makes aren’t polarising issues. We can forgive our politicians alot, e.g. drinking charges and infidelity, but effectively half of us disapprove of anyone who supports an industry that exploits women.

  • Oldlogger

    Agreed. Will never lose that stigma.
    For me it was how he bullshitted “I’m a movie buff, I’m not into buff movies”that nailed him.
    Denied it for 2 days then ‘front footed’ it , and came clean.
    Could have been great for labour, but not after that.

  • Troy

    Yup, I hear the name Shane Jones and all I think is “wanker” – no matter how smart he might be, I can’t imagine the av kiwi voting for a “wanker” let along being the PM, lying on a bed doing “wankie” things and getting caught out lol, what a loser.

  • smttc

    Anyway, he’s not a good bloke. He’s a pompous git.

  • Gazzaw

    What hasn’t been mentioned here is Jones’ downright stupidity in thinking that he would get away with it. Checking out public figures’ & celebs’ personal habits is considered a national sport by hotel staff. Housekeeping staff, front office and concierges know it all.
    Escorts, rent boys, sex toys, secret drinkers, drugs et al make for great discussions in the staff cafe.

    Jones movie habits do not augur well for an aspiring PM!