Important Question

Whaleoil vs MallardOver the weekend I was lobbied by a few wags who thought that if I was going to kick Trevor Mallard’s arse in a cycle race that I should do it properly, as in shave my legs and apply spray tan so as to look the part.

I think it is gay. But I am willing to take advice.

So dear readers, it is over to you, I need your advice. Comments please.

Mt Eden Cycles


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  • Cactus Kate

    I think the mere fact you are putting it to the floor means you want to do it and are looking for justification from the audience.

    Shame on you.

    • Piss off I don’t want to go it, unless some razor company chucks me a whole heap of loot. Then it is a simple decision. I am trusting the wisdom of the army to prove my point to the beltway homos that suggested it.

      • Cactus Kate

        Name and shame those who suggested please.

        Get there…..with hair.

      • V

        Perhaps Stihl chainsaws would sponsor you? Razors might not cut it.
        Besides the brand would be more aligned with your interests.

  • Budgieboy

    It’s not you big guy, I wouldn’t go there.

  • jabba

    shave legs .. no
    spray tan .. no
    lycra suit .. no

  • DangerMice

    No, that’s stupid

  • michaels

    I don’t give a screaming shit, just whip his arse.

  • MrInfinity

    I was watching QI the other day and it said that there is no noticeable aerodynamic advantage from shaving one’s legs. If you were swimming against the duck (no pun intended) it’d be a different story, but for bike racing there’s no need.

    I say go unshaven. Maybe even grow a beard.

  • Whafe

    I cycle, cant say I have ever shaved my legs, however I do wax them ;)….. Lasts far longer and Mrs Whale will love your smooth legs in the passion pit!

    But it may not suit your style…. Gotta try everything once though. However you will feel the cold something bad…

  • Peer pressure? No.
    Major sponsors? If you want to sell your soul.

    Do it for a charity maybe – turn it into a laugh.

    But other than that? No.

  • sandynobb

    Only if Ducky does the same… and get sponsorship and donate money to a charity (bird rescue / sanctuary?). Oh wait – he does wear lycra.

  • Barnsley Bill

    You should be more worried about reinforcing those angel hair noodle arms Davros

  • Bobm

    If you can’t beat him, join him. Go gay.

  • sassy00cassy

    I thought the leg shaving thing is all about competitive cyclists needing regular calf and quad massage and administering to gravel rash and other injuries- you won’t need any of this. Besides I think the wags are pulling your chain as – you are right that lycra and spray tanning is just gay .They’ve probably suggested that you be abstinent too

  • Jenny Campbell

    One way to horrify the Spanish bride – go for the full ‘back, sac and crack’ wax…

    • He waxed his back a few years ago against my advice I might add ( I told you so nah nah nah ) and ended up with an ongoing rash caused by an infection that took more than a year to go away.

  • kevin

    Your confidence is so high, ‘lots of hair aerodynamic drag’ are just another bird flip for mallard.
    The race is how long?

  • Mark

    The spray tan. is gay.
    However there is a very good reason for the shaved legs. Having done a bit fo cycling for triathlons falling off (cars / potholes) is an occupational hazard. Shaved legs makes a big difference to the time it takes to heal and the reduced chance of infection / simplicity of changing bandages. After a couple of those even I changed my mind about shaving my legs. But really it’s more useful for training than the race.

  • Lulu


  • if you go gay you will have to change sides and hold hands with all the. Stay true to BLUE.

  • Roflcopter

    Be a man about it… if you want to lose the “gay” tag, make sure you use a wood rasp to remove hair… very macho!

  • Trevor Mallard

    Mark has got it right but I never have. Fairly extensive shaving in Dunedin hospital but that was the only time razor got below neck.

    Do what feels right for you Whale – but if you decide to shave I won’t be joining you.

    • devlsadvocate

      We’d be worried if you were – I dunno but I don’t reckon there’s enough room in Whale’s bathroom for you, him and the awkward silence…

  • devlsadvocate

    We’d be worried if you were – I dunno but I don’t reckon there’s enough room in Whale’s bathroom for you, him and the awkward silence….

    • devlsadvocate

      I’m really, really not liking this broke-ass anti-spam javascript.

      • You hate it…I have to manually approve all comments!

  • devlsadvocate

    We’d be worried if you were – I dunno but I don’t reckon there’s enough room in Whale’s bathroom for you, him and the awkward silence…..

  • Spiker

    That idea is as lame as that guy you’re racing.

  • Doc

    As mentioned above – the shaving is only beneficial in reducing the road rash in the event of a spill, rather than adding any tactical advantage.

    Go hairy!

  • Gazzaw

    Judging by the mobs of cycling dorks who regularly jam Onehunga Mall three abreast on Saturday mornings lycra & shaved legs are an absolute prerequisite. Maybe one of those streamlined helmets would help.

  • Matt

    I suggest making it a fundrasing thing – whoever can solicit the most money for their charity doesn’t have to shave.

  • P1LL

    GAY , GAY , GAY nuf said !

  • pbnz

    Do it, I do and it feels so much better.
    Hey, its a good excuse to try it anyway.

  • Crusader Col

    My son is a competitive cyclist and he tells me that it is all about removing pain after you crash and have bandages over your gravel rashes that have to be changed frequently.

  • If you DO shave?

    Don’t jump on the satin sheets at the end of the day.

    You’ll pile up against the head board in the worst crash of the day!

    • spiker

      LMAO that created a hilarious mental image.

  • Gazzaw

    Judging by the hordes of cycling dorks riding four abreast in Onehunga Mall on Saturday mornings then Lycra & shaved legs are all the go. Maybe one of those streamlined helmets would literally top it all off.

    • frosty

      3 abreast or 4 abreast? Or can’t you count? 1, 4, 16 – ah same thing eh, let’s exaggerate…
      If you’re considering continuing riding after the ‘main event’, go for the shave. As a competitive cyclist of many years I’ve only known one rider who got a fake tan, and the amount of crap he got from the rest of us meant never again…
      Only thing gay about lycra (and shaved legs) – the people who feel uncomfortable when they see someone sporting it on a bike – must be those deep down homosexual tendencies bubbling to the surface – usually expressed as denial, verbal abuse and bad driving!
      Best of luck out there this weekend!

  • David C

    Sponsorship from Sako, Hornady and Schmit Bender is allowed.
    Sponsorship from Gillette is not!

  • David C

    I dunno what I did last comment to get binned!

  • David C

    Ok f**kit I giveup!

    Go fast and cheat!

  • Wally Anchor

    There are only two reasons I can think of that you’d shave your legs.

    1. More aerodynamic.
    This is a myth. A legful of hair is gonna make fuck all difference to your speed.

    2. Lower risk of infection,
    If you come a cropper and rip your leg open, you’re more likely to get an infection with hairy legs, as all sorts of crap sticks to hairs.
    This (I guess) is a valid reason to shave your legs – but it means you think you’re a crap cyclist and think you’re gonna crash.

    DON’T DO IT!

  • Lesley

    Be a natural not all that other stupid stuff that lycra cyclists do. Follow Mike Hosking’s example – he does not wear lycra and from what I heard this morning does not use botox. He hasn’t talked about this legs yet but if he refuses to wear lycra and use botox then he probably doesn’t shave his legs.

  • Ciaron

    Compression gear under rugby shorts… I assume you intend to wear the Mt Eden Cycles jersey they gave you?

    • Ciaron

      Scratch that… Fitzy & Telecom just screwed any remaining masculine integrity left in rugby.

      Have you considered hitting up Levis for a sponsorship?

  • mary

    Shaved legs, spray tan, lycra? Beyond yuk, don’t join the narcissists.

  • NZ Groover

    Whale in bike shorts!? Christ on a bike…….I’ve just gone off my lunch.