Predictions for National's Conference

Every year the modern National Conference has some very predictable outcomes:

  1. The media will complain about it being stage managed and scripted.
  2. There will be no controversy. Unless some fool tries to throw out accredited media at inappropriate times.
  3. Some old duffer will want remits debated from the floor.
  4. Most of the delegates will be over 60, and many over 70, yet no one will be talking about how to bring the 30-40 year olds into the party so it survives when the rest of the membership dies.
  5. Despite the National Party web site saying fundraising is “critical” everyone will talk about how the president has done a fantastic job without ever saying how much of his fundraising budget he has met and how much of the fundraising budget has been raised through the Victory Fund “tax” on electorates.
  6. The Young Nats will be hailed as the saviours of the party even though they are doing their level best to prove Young Nats look like either weasels or meerkats and none will make it into caucus in the future.
  7. A group of hippies, bludgers and other malcontents will protest, and National will not tell them all to go and have a good wash, dress nicely and come back when they learn some manners.
  8. The new media will provide far better coverage than the mainstream media.
  9. Kees Keizer will not tape Bill English saying anything stupid this year, because he won’t be allowed in. Bill will likely say something stupid, but security will have improved and no one will be able to tape it.
  10. Fantastic New Candidates will include many that are over fifty, one that looks like a weasel and probably is one, and very few that look like front bench material.
  11. Candidates college will be lauded for bringing through all this talent when it met only twice last year and once this year, and no one will ask why Rodney, North Shore and Coromandel did not have a good local candidate to run for National.
  12. No one will ask what John Key is doing to ensure the strength of the National Party after he leaves.
  13. There will be a lot of gloating at how inept Labour are, and what a dickhead their campaign manager is, and how Phil Goff is useless, without acknowledging who it was that made them look inept, a dickhead and useless.
  14. The MSM will mercilessly mock National for their stupid 1930s dress up dinner.
  15. All in all it will be a self congratulatory, smug love fest that would make an onanists convention look like an exercise in self loathing, or a soppy episode of the Love Boat look like a snuff movie.



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  • Michaels

    So by the looks of this The Penguin will don his suit and have a good nite and The Whale will be at home in front of his computer……

    • Spanishbride

      Nope he is going.

  • Michaels

    I guess stranger things have happened.
    Shame they only make a penguin suit and not a Whale suit.
    You and the penguin could have made a fetching pair.

  • Ben

    Well this blog post was a good read for the S&G values. That is until I read the blog again and came particularly to point number 6 and realised why I was having a “hearty” laugh at this post – because to be honest all 15 points are true!

    But in defence of the Young Nats, there are some genuinely good ones and not being every thing stated in point 6, but sadly they are in the very small minority (and this is where my defence stops) compared to the rest of the larger majority.

    Although did I see some Karma dished out at the YN’s AGM/Elections?