Whale vs Duck – Update

Whaleoil vs Mallard

The weather looks to be perfect tomorrow. I walked the course today just to take it easy.

Meanwhile David Fisher at the Herald has an article about the race.

In a year of mismatched and painful political races, tomorrow’s is likely to be the silliest.

The blogger known as Whaleoil will face off against the “bovver boy” of the Labour Party in a 60-kilometre bicycle race in Auckland’s eastern suburbs.

In a sport often called “chess on wheels”, the bike race between Cameron ‘Whaleoil’ Slater and Trevor ‘Duck’ Mallard will hear little mention of the word “mate'”.

There is mutual loathing.

Yep, I am going to kick his arse tomorrow.

The contest came after Slater goaded Mallard by calling him “cripple” over his badly broken leg.

The elder statesman of the Labour Party lashed back, calling the comfortably-padded Slater “blubber boy'”.

“I bet he is too chicken,” Mallard said.

Well, he did accept.

And Slater – known for obsessively hounding issues – has turned his compulsive nature to the race and cycled about 15kg off his frame.

Mallard noted his opponent’s weight loss on television.

“I’m distinctly lacking in confidence,” he said.

“I had a major injury. I can cycle slightly better than I can walk.”

Remember this was all Trevor’s clever idea. He challenged me. I simply accepted.

Mallard, Labour’s campaign manager for November’s election, broke his right femur and right shoulder blade when he brushed wheels with another cyclist during a race in Otago five months ago.

Since then, he said he had considered withdrawing from the challenge and refusing to compete. But he has cycled the 20km course – of which they will ride three circuits – and says he will be there tomorrow.

“I’m probably of the mindset and generation that doesn’t like quitting.”

Slater, who Mallard calls an “obsessive character”, is relentless.

“He is a cripple. And he’s running a crippled campaign.'”

So tomorrow night when the latest polls are being delivered to the living rooms of Kiwi voters you should all remind yourselves that Trevor Mallard, Labour’s campaign manager thought it would best to devote his time to a cycle race and an asymmetrical war with a blogger.

What is faster Whales or Ducks? David Fisher asks a Zoologist.

Otago University zoologist Philip Seddon said whales in the wild would always be faster than ducks.

“Almost whatever kind of whale you thought about,” he says.

Seddon – who runs the university’s Wildlife Management Programme – said smaller whales were faster.

Slater’s time could, perhaps, dictate whether the blogger was truly small and dangerous.

“Maybe he’s an orca… a killer whale,” said Seddon.

Seddon obviously hasn’t seen my logo. Nevertheless the scientist is emphatic, no matter what sort of Whale you choose it will always be faster than a Duck.

The race starts at 1.30pm Sunday at Musick Point reserve at Auckland’s Bucklands Beach.

Mt Eden Cycles


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  • nasska

    Will there be any live coverage to keep us up to date?

  • Tick

    Good luck CAm – kick his arse!

  • All the best Cameron. Hope you wipe him off the course with your speed. What are the TAB odds on the race?

  • James Stephenson

    Just don’t let him sit on your wheel for 59.5km…good luck.

  • Ray

    I reckon Mallard is going for the sympathy vote, he looked like an old sick man this week in Parliment
    Knock him off his bike Cam

  • oldlogger

    Yeah, kick his scrawny butt

  • first time caller

    Best of luck! Roast the old bird.

  • Rusty Kane

    You certainly look the part… he looks like a lame duck.

  • Liberty

    Best of luck whale.

  • Wish we were in Auckland to cheer you on !! Well done you for losing weight,getting fit, and showing committment. Go hard,I’m sure you’ll win.

  • Pharmachick

    Go Cam! Wish I could be there – but will be sending best thoughts from across the ocean. Any chance a savvy Whaleoil fan can manage a streaming moment for the finish line?

  • Ray

    You will probably win. If you do, why not just let it rest there. Your vitriol and hatred of the left, in particular Phil Goff, is well known. You might want to take time and consider where you are and how you are able to spend so much time doing what you do, I for one am too busy working.

    • Ray you cock, where do you get off coming here and telling me what I should or should not be doing. Fuck off.

      Hatred is such a strong word, one used by pinko scum all too often. There is only one politician I hate and that is Winston Peters. Most of the rest are just plonkers and Phil Goff is just a sad old git who seems to have a feeble mind.

    • Spanishbride

      Ray I am sick of you and others with your assumptions.
      You have no idea what WO does for a living. He’s better, don’t you get that. Better. Has been for quite while now thanks to hard exercise and getting off those awful drugs he was forced to take by they who cannot be named. WO is happy to let people think whatever they like of him but I have really had a guts full.

      • petal

        …can not be named? Active case perhaps?

  • Pharmachick

    Mr. Slater,
    just so you hear it 1st hand… I just posted on Kiwiblog that …
    if you win I will donate $NZ 100 to the charity of your choice.
    If Mallard wins, I will donate $NZ 100 to Sir Julian Robertson’s new initiative to help public schools.

    Sorry, I’m not in the Cactus League of offers, but then I come awfully close to being a “Public Servant” some days.

  • Peking Duck for the celebratory dinner tomorrow night Cam?

  • Pharmachick

    Mr Slater: sorry to double-post…
    just wanted to let you know that I’m with Cactus and DPF (but in a less affluent category) so I promised (on Kiwiblog):

    If Whaleoil wins I will donate $NZ 100 to the charity of W/O’s choice. [presumably thats the Mental Health Foundation)

    If Mallard wins, I will donate $NZ 100 to Julian Robertson’s new scheme to improve our public schools … Deborah Hill-Cone covers Sir Julian’s new initiative briefly here: http://www.nzherald.co.nz/opinion/news/article.cfm?c_id=466&objectid=10745913


  • DangerMice

    Odds on the duck giving up after 1 circuit?

  • Whafe

    All the best Cam, Pluck a Mallard for us all…..

    Hope to get there after my ride in the morning…

    I smell a plucked duck already….

  • P1LL

    best wishes Cam , pity I cant make it back to my old stomping ground of BB to cheer you on .

  • Roflcopter

    Don’t like Mallard, but at least he’s being a good sport about the race.

    Go Cam.

  • notavictim

    Take him out Cam, make him look even more inept.

  • whalewatcher

    Cam, as much as I dislike Mallard, he is now biologically-old, and had a fractured femur.
    I can tell you, the average recovery time from a fractured femur to be walking without crutches or significant pain is 6 months minimum for an adult. That is not to mention the shoulder injury.
    So have a little mercy and be humble in your victory.
    After all, the old duck has had a broken wing and a broken leg…

  • Gazzaw

    Hope Goff is there to take a lesson from Trev in how to concede to a superior competitor

  • Ray

    Cam, I read your blog every morning and without wanting or needing to start dialogue via this media, your posts are almost entirely devoted to Labour and Goff bashing. Just saddens me a bit to see such obvious talent wasted on a wasted cause.

  • Rico Fantastico

    If only Whale would put this level of dedication into finding a job.

    • Spanishbride

      Rico read what I said to Ray.
      You assume too much.

  • toby

    “I’m dis­tinctly lack­ing in con­fi­dence,” he said.
    “I had a major injury. I can cycle slightly bet­ter than I can walk.”

    Getting his excuse for losing in early.

  • Hires Help

    Regardless of the races outcome you’ve already won by causing a major distraction to the Labour Campaign.

    Have a great day Cam.

  • Pingback: Whale’s a winner regardless of who comes first « Homepaddock()

  • sassy00cassy

    Kia Kaha Cameron. Have a good race and feel proud of yourself for raising to the challenge with such gusto and drive

  • Roscoe 65

    You looked great on the first lap until you got to the sharp incline on Fordyce. It was very gracious of the Duck to stop pedalling to allow you to catch up after he had dropped you on the climb. I was also impressed with the conviviality you both enjoyed whilst pedalling. I think on the first five to six kms the Duck may have been using his old tricks as was he drafting most of the way. I dont know what the final result is or will be but win or lose you looked very professional. My concern was your fitness and some of those short sharp inclines. Notwithstanding having travelled behind both of you. you certainly had the better legs. The Ducks legs actually reminded me of paddle boards. Strange as that observation may be. After 18kms I would be favouring the Duck. He looked more cunning and was certainly not looking inept. Well done in any event for making Sunday enjoyable.