Would you hire this guy?

via the tipline

This is a CV received by someone I know. He has noticed a bit of a pattern emerging amongst some of the CVs that he is receiving and is getting a few like this one. This is one of the worst examples.

Would you hire this guy?

I wouldn’t, but then I think that is the intention. This CV is deliberate attempt to ensure that the applicant never gets a job but meets requirements of applying for jobs.

Dodgy CV – Updated


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  • kevin

    It certainly presents more questions than answers. On a bene with a few cash jobs?

  • Brian Smaller

    I am pretty sure WINZ give help with writing CVs. This guy could use some.

  • Some of the CVs you receive make you cry. The one that sticks most in my mind was one created, sent in and with a cover letter by his mum.

    Some people t seem to occupy the same space as I do, but not the same reality.

    • thor42

      A cover letter by his mum…. gawd, that’s pretty bad……
      There really are some people out there whose only use would be as a human mine-detector, stomping the ground in front of an infantry patrol in Afghanistan.

  • thor42

    No, I wouldn’t hire him. I’m sure that you’re right though – there’s no doubt at all that this CV is just being used to toss at employers so that the guy can say “I’ve applied for “x” jobs”.
    The guy definitely comes across as a complete loser. I think the best way to deal with someone like this would be to force him to take (say) a scrub-cutting job. In other words – he either works or the dole is cut off there and then.
    Actually, another idea – I think this CV is so bad that it would qualify as a “non-application”. If I were a WINZ case manager and this guy said that he’s applied for a job with this CV, I’d tell him “this is pathetic – you’re not even trying. I’m stopping your dole – get out.”

    • oldlogger

      the problem is Thor, that WINZ doesn’t have anyone sitting at the ‘NO desk’.
      That desk was vacant also, when the gangsta Harris family of ChCh came in, asking for maintainance on theur rental properties, fencing for their swimming pool and new tyres for their pimpdadeh car too. WINZ are soft c**ks.

  • glenn

    .. at least it’s honest…

  • kevin

    Certainly creates more questions than answers…

  • Brendan

    Pathetic CV.

    Get your friend to send it to Winz.

    Either you are right and this individual does not really want to work (and if so breaks his job seeker agreement by intentional sabotaging his efforts) or he really needs their help straight away.

    I do not know this individual but for some people the best help Winz could give would not be to give any money at all to some people.

  • Michael

    Says in there that he pissed on a tree late at night and drove drunk. Is that the qualifications to be a candidate for NZ First?

    • Or maybe Mayor of North Shore City?

  • illalwaysrememberportugal

    Surely this is a piss-take CV? It can’t be real……..can it?

    • No it real.

      • illalwaysrememberportugal

        Well holy shit fuck! Well one day this jerk will grow up and and this is on the internet forever. I doubt it would take much to find out who this delightful person is and future employers may not see any funny side to this cabbage of CV.

        • I know who he is. I have all his details. I redacted them.

  • rouppe

    I’m with Brendan. This is a piss-take.

    His WINZ case manager needs to know that this is the crap he is sending out

  • Clayts

    Having used ETCO apprentices in the past I’m surprised it wasn’t written in crayon.

  • TM

    This reminds me of the scene in Trainspotting where Spud goes for a job interview, but gets loaded on drugs beforehand to make sure he won’t get offered the job and can continue to receive the dole:

  • TitanUranus

    Andrew Williams CV?

  • arlo

    On the other hand would you prefer that this guy lied on his CV and some poor unsuspecting employer found out the hard way what he is really like?

    • notavictim

      they’d have 90 days to find out. meanwhile working might encourage him to keep going and he might hold the job. at least he might get a chance when the employer has options.

  • Agent BallSack

    Im not trying to cast aspersions on one sector of industry but most electricians I’ve dealt with make this guy seem positively erudite. Im surprised he’s not already working for Transpower! I wouldnt worry too much, Welfare will undergoing be one of the biggest shake ups in living memory over the next couple of years, about time too….I give him credit for the existence of a CV, most kids these days have no idea what one is.

  • Mickrodge

    I’d be forwarding that shit onto his case manager.

    WTF was all that rubbish about sex with animals & woman with downs syndrome?

    He’s taking the piss clearly but he needs to learn that a benefit is a helping hand not a fucking career choice.

  • kisekiman

    This is why I now live in Singapore. No dole, work or find a private source of welfare.