Braunias on Goff

Steve Braunias has written another diary. Phil Goff’s:

MONDAY

Hi there. My name’s Phil Goff. You may remember me as the leader of the New Zealand Labour Party.

Here I am on the shores of Lake Benmore. It’s the setting for the party’s TV campaign. There was talk about filming it on a busy street so I’d be surrounded by New Zealanders from all walks of life, but that’s not a good look.

Caucus also debated about my outfit. I argued in favour of camouflage gear. A sad loner dressed in camouflage gear, pacing to and fro on the shores of a lake, staring out across the water with God knows what on his mind – that’s a good look.

In the end, we went shopping at Farmers, the menswear store for farmers, who raise hoggets and the like, and so here I am on the shores of Lake Benmore talking to myself.

I like to be left alone with my thoughts. The party encourage it. “Stay as long as you like,” Cunliffe said.

But I’ve got an election to fight. Labour has formulated a series of policy initiatives to take New Zealand forward. National’s message is that John Key just wants to take care of his rich mates. Not that there’s anything wrong with being rich. I’m all in favour of it. But I do have a problem with mates. Who really needs them? All friends do is laugh and joke in an attempt to distract attention from the fact that life is essentially meaningless.

TUESDAY

Here I am on the shores of Lake Benmore. The film crew left yesterday. “There’s no room for you in the helicopter,” they said. I thought that sounded fair enough, although I couldn’t help notice they were in a car….

Go read the rest, hilarious.


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As much at home writing editorials as being the subject of them, Cam has won awards, including the Canon Media Award for his work on the Len Brown/Bevan Chuang story. When he’s not creating the news, he tends to be in it, with protagonists using the courts, media and social media to deliver financial as well as death threats.

They say that news is something that someone, somewhere, wants kept quiet. Cam Slater doesn’t do quiet and, as a result, he is a polarising, controversial but highly effective journalist who takes no prisoners.

He is fearless in his pursuit of a story.

Love him or loathe him, you can’t ignore him.

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