I know, here’s an idea, how about a haiku on Red Alert?

Clare Curran thought she was being cute. She wrote a haiku to John Hartevelt, Labour’s fan-boy at Fairfax:

Though our aim divine/
The delivery human/
A labour of love

A haiku about Red Alert dedicated to John Hartevelt

Readers of Red Alert felt inspired, like Danyl McLauchlan:

As the dying eel
drifts to the sea floor
Labour drifts into social media

…and Chris Trotter:

The summer rains fall,
Hopes for better weather fade,
Shearer says nothing.

Yeah, not sure that the haiku was a good idea Clare.


THANK YOU for being a subscriber. Because of you Whaleoil is going from strength to strength. It is a little known fact that Whaleoil subscribers are better in bed, good looking and highly intelligent. Sometimes all at once! Please Click Here Now to subscribe to an ad-free Whaleoil.

  • Petal

    I’m impressed with Trotter’s one.  It’s not just about the lines and syllables, but he also incorporated nature into it.  Well done.

    • Thorn

      Trotter is creative
      Makes things up
      Including ‘Facts’.

  • Michael

    There was a middle aged man name Shearer
    Who’s party was the workers flag bearer
    They started a blog
    Filled it up with SMOG
    Found that election victory was no nearer

  • Anonymous

    How about this …….
    “I’m at Red Alert
    What a load of bollocks here
    I just want to puke.” 

  • Yeah, Trotter’s is good.  Actually, the Japanese don’t consider a poem a haiku unless it incorporates some reference to the season.  So Trotter’s is the only one that would pass.

  • Red (Hair – not politics)

    I read the short piece
    Lost the will to live
    Labour is endowed with pretentious dickheads isn’t it?

    Achoo – Not Haiku – Thank u

  • Guest

    Cherry blossoms fall down
    like Labour MPs
    Password protect your site

  • Vlad

    A website blossoms
    Spring’s new red dawn
    A cripple wins a bike race

  • Thorn

    Summer’s bright light
    Put socialist scum
    To despair and flight.

  • Michael

    Got mocked as a kid

    When I’m an MP they’ll see

    Still so insecure

    • Gold

      Sooooo many Labour MPs this applies to. Grant Robertson, Michael Cullen, Helen Clarke, probably Mallard because he was fat…

    • Michael

      A doppelganger

      Good at poetry too
      But Haiku not limerick.

  • Michael

    Once thought wealth was bad

    Am older now and wiser

    Too proud to change views

  • Michael

    A good wicket here
    Use welfare slaves to get votes
    Biggest salary

  • Anonymous

    Darkest winters’ passed
    Out of cold hearts, to warm glow
    Under National

  • Anonymous

    Ugly women here
    Helen Clark and Darien
    Dingo ugly both. 

  • Anonymous

    Dear Michael The Poor
    Probably like me, Mate
    Pissed against The Wall
    (Haiku – no offence intended)

  • bhudson

    Spring blooms a new hope
    Bright blue vision grows
    Red October wilts

    {Would help if we were in the Northern Hemisphere]

  • bhudson

    Opps. small error in post there. Haiku is 5-7-5/. It should read:

    Spring blooms a new hope
    Bright blue vision grows a fresh
    Red October wilts

    {Would help if we were in the Northern Hemisphere]

  • Anonymous

    Labour party f**ked
    Policies ridiculous
    Still hate Helen Clark.  

  • middleagedwhiteguy

    Ratana voters
    baulking at having to feed
    Parakura Horomia

    • Thorn

      Now that would be a miracle.

  • Anonymous

    Labour’s lost the plot
    Three more years so far away
    Why did Helen flee

  • jay cee

    there was a young money man named key
     who dreamt of being pm, one day, did he
    so he bided his time whilst stashing away
    every nickel and dime,
    and practiced smilng and waving non-threateningly

  • Anonymous

    Red as Tomatoes
    Raw the wounds from Labour grate
    in society

  • Guest

    After Helen Clark
    Discipline went out the door
    Darien Fenton!

  • Guest

    Hear the Mallard loon
    froth at the gums loudly
    Key has $80 million

  • Guest

    Parker went to Epsom
    He was sent a clear message
    not given lightly

  • Thorn

    Summer’s harvest is in the granary
    Tired farmer rests
    CTU locusts demand Fair Deal. 

  • Guest

    Over at the ports
    Parsloe and mates strike to death
    Len Brown can get fucked

  • Gazzaw

    Parekura’s here
    Ten Big Macs on the griller
    Don’t forget the fries.

  • Cactus Kate

    I think Whaleoil’s audience is more creative than Red Alert’s

    • Anonymous

      Its the ability and practice of thinking for one’s self that proves the difference.

      • Thorn

        Wonder where Kosh was?

  • nzd.gbp

    future fades

    minds diverted

    not labour

  • nzd.gbp

    Greens sleep safely
    while Labour’s best minds

    lose battles won

  • Lofty

    Dreams of summers past
    Fill the lost labour minds
    the 9year reign is lost

  • Angry Croc

    Trevor went trout fishing
    Trevor caught a Mallard
    What the fuck

    Not the proper format, but check out Red Fart on Trevor’s great fishing adventure.