Nominations for new Politicianary

On my old site I had a “Politicianary” which listed all the possible nicknames for MPs.

It is perhaps timely, given we have just had an election and there are a whole swathe of new MPs that I re-release the politicianary.

It is possible to change existing ones too and I have a few ideas around that.

So folks over to you…pop your suggestions for nicknames (and the reasons behind the nickname) in the comments and we wil start to build the new politicianary.

The full list of current MPs is on Parliament’s website.


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  • Agent BallSack

    Jacinda Arden = Jarden Mile

    • Agent BallSack

      LOL I was supposed to give reasoning…Jarden Mile is a road in Welly, Horse races can be a mile long…etc. 

      • Michael

        I think there is a race during Wellington Cup Week called “The Jarden Mile”.

  • Luke

    Shane Jones – Pornhub

    • EX Navy Greg

      How about “tellywhacker” ?

      • Jman

        Nah, with Jones we got to stick with “Tugger”

      • Troy

        Jerkoff – it applies for his behaviour in more ways than one.

  • MBXChequer

    Darien Fenton – The Used Teabag

  • poorman

    Richard Prosser – RAMBO
    Arm the dairy owners and taxi drivers… let natural justice reign.

    • James Stephenson

      I was thinking Richard “Rhymes with” Prosser

  • JonBSails

    “Moaner” Mackey

    • JonBSails

      Self-explanatory, but for every time I tuned into Parliament TV and she got up to speak, it seemed it was moan, moan, moan.

  • Agent BallSack

    Damien O’Connor – Doc Honour : Since he’s the only reasonable Labour MP out there

  • cornershop…not

    David Cunliffe = Old Davy C*nt-lips
    Gareth Hughes = Greenfingered Huesy
    Andrew Little = Handy Union Andy

    • Michael

      David is already known as “Silent-t”.

  • Lofty

    Gareth Hughes – the child MP.

  • ConwayCaptain

    Our Little Comrade =Jacinta Ardern

    Seeing her speech to the Union of Socialist Youth and everyone is a comrade.  As she is a show pony after My Little Pony toys.

  • Colin

    Maggie Barry- Fire Tree (google it)
    Jerry “Minister of Shakes” Brownlee
    Paula Benefit
    Peter Dunne-and-Dusted
    Phil Goff-and-Off
    Hone “Porangi” Harawira
    Tau “Duck-bait” Henare
    Nicky “The member for Kaye Road” Kaye
    Trevor “The Duck” Mallard
    Mojo “Eminem” Mathers
    Mark “Possum” MItchell
    Lockwood “Doctor Teeth” Smith
    Nicky “Photo Finish” Wagner
    Louisa “She-Buck’ Wall

    • MBXChequer

      Mojo “Eminem” Mathers – lmao. Classic

      • Anonymous

        A triple M would have been better, Mojo “Marshall” Mathers, still keeping in line with the eminem theme

    • Troy

      I prefer “Daffy” for Trevor Mallard – he sounds just like Daffy from the disney cartoons when he speaks.

  • Grandstream

    Cock Wallet or Arse Banging Queer – Grant Robertson (self explanatory)
    Noddy Do-little – Andrew Little (self explanatory)
    Dumb Bastard or Kosh – Trevor Mallard (self explanatory)
    Whiney Pisser – Winston Peters (self explanatory)

    • TS

      How imaginative. Your derogatory remark based on sexuality says much more about you than it does about the Deputy Leader of the Opposition. Grow up.

      • Super Guest

        Shut up. No-one cares about Grant Robertson except for Grant Robertson.

    • Kosh103

      Homophobic much.

      • Suffice to say they won’t make it through.

  • Super Guest

    Grant “The Ego has Landed” Robertson.
    Hone “Grand Wizard” Harawira
    Russel “Leader of the Opposition” Norman

    I think Cunliffe should still be “Silent-T” though.

  • Super Guest

    Louisa “Ticks all the boxes” Wall.

    She’s perfect for modern Labour, a woman, brown, gay, and a union hack. All boxes ticked.

    • grumpy

      Don’t you mean “….licks all the boxes….”?

      • Jam_Sammie

        LMAO…..Pure gold Grumpy

      • Anonymous

        haha nice one, can’t beat that.

  • jay cee

    lockwood “deja vu” smith.

    i used chair a childrens quiz programme,now i’m speaker of the house

  • poorman

    Darien Fenton – Nek Minit
    Only a minute away till her next case of foot in mouth.
    David Shearer – Le Costa Concordia or The Rena

  • James Stephenson

    Simon Bridges apparently has the nickname of “Cougar bait”. As MP for Tauranga shouldn’t that really be “Granny bait”?

  • Michael

    Amy “PM 2024” Adams
    Shane “Tractor” Ardern
    Chris “Rhymes with (cock in hole)” Auchinvole
    Kanjwaljit Singh “Banshee” Bakshi
    John “Whole Caucus” Banks
    Maggie “Ginger Ninja” Barry
    David “Eastside” Bennett
    Paula “Westside” Bennett
    “Doc” Jackie Blue
    Chester “Lawman” Burrows
    Simon “Harbour” Bridges
    Steffan “E” Browning
    Gerry “The Earthquake” Brownlee
    Cam “Corder” Calder
    David “Get” Carter
    “Champagne” Charlie Chauvel
    David “the other” Clark
    David “Bladerunner” Clendon
    Jonathan “Cigar” Coleman
    Judith “Crusher” Collins
    Clayton “MP” Cosgrove
    David “The T is silent” Cunliffe
    Claire “stolen voters” Curran
    Lianne “Liquafaction” Dalziel
    Jacqui “Playschool” Dean
    Catherine Delahunty, MP for Mars
    Peter “Not quite” Dunne
    Ruth “DIU” Dyson
    Bill “Double Dipton” English
    Kris “Recovered Memory” Faafoi
    Darien “Picket Line” Fenton
    Christopher “Peter Pan” Finlayson
    Te Ururoa “Flava” Flavell
    Craig “Finance” Foss
    Julie Anne “Berkeley” Genter
    Phil “Gone off” Goff
    Paul “Silver Medal” Goldsmith
    Jo “Devo” Goodhew
    “Jack” Kennedy Graham
    Tim “The Trade Man” Groser
    Nathan “Right” Guy
    Kevin “The” Hague
    Hone “I don’t need a nickname you mofo” Harawira 
    John “Future Leader” Hayes
    Phil “Electric” Heatley
    Tau “42” Henare
    Chris “Chippie” Hipkins
    Brendan “Media” Horan
    Parekura “Heart Attack” Horomia
    Gareth “Birdman” Hughes
    Raymond “Landslide” Huo
    Paul “Hitch” Hutchison
    Shane “Movie buff” Jones
    Steven “NZ next PM” Joyce
    Nikki “Horse Whisperer” Kaye
    John “Smiling Assassin” Key
    Annette “Sleeping Landlady” King
    Colin “Queen” King

  • In Vino Veritas

    Perhaps David Shearer could be Nek Minnit.

    “Left the UN, went into the Labour Party, nek minnit…..”

  • Michael

    Melissa “The Korean Honey” Lee
    Iain “Stenographer” Lees-Galloway
    Andrew “EMPU” Little
    Jan “Award” Logie
    Asenati “Regional Advisor Pacific Northern Region for Rehabilitation and Reintegration Services at the Department of Corrections” Lole-Taylor
    Peseta “Similing” Sam Lotu-Iinga
    Tim “Symphony” MacIndoe
    “Moaning” Moana Mackey
    Nanaia “Princess” Mahuta
    Trevor “The Duck” Mallard
    Tracey “Vince” Martin
    Mojo “Coolest name in Parliament” Mathers
    Todd “Boris” McClay
    Murray “Dark Lord” McCully
    “Mayor” Ian McKelvie
    Mark “Mitch” Mitchell
    Sue “No E in Moron” Moroney
    “Pastor” Alfred Ngaro
    Russel “There’s only one L” Norman
    Damien “Gaggle” O’Connor
    Denis “It’s not a P” O’Rourke
    “Who the” Hekia Parata
    David “Peter” Parker
    “The Comeback Kid” Winston Peters
    Rajen “High flyer” Prasad
    Richard “Pistol” Prosser
    Grant “Maritime” Robertson
    Ross “Spot” Robertson
    Denise “Cockroach” Roche
    Jami-Lee “ACT’s other MP” Ross
    Eric “Southern Man” Roy
    Tony “Sartorial” Ryall
    Mike “P” Sabin
    Eugenie “Parsley” Sage
    Katrina “Long” Shanks
    Pita “Bread” Sharples
    David “The Mogadishu Peacekeeper” Shearer
    Scott “Homer” Simpson
    Su’a William “Sewer Bill” Sio
    Doctor the Honorable Lockwood Smith
    Nick “Dung head” Smith
    Barbara “Nobody noticed I was gone” Stewart
    Maryan “Molesworth” Street
    Rino “3rd Generation” Tirakatene
    Lindsay “Blowoff valve” Tisch
    Anne “Teachers Union” Tolley
    Chris “Kel” Tremain
    Metiria “McGillicuddy Serious” Turei
    Tariana “Auntie” Turei
    Phil “Tau bait” Twyford
    Louise “Blondie” Upston
    “Landslide” Nicky Wagner
    Holly “Holy” Walker
    Louisa “Brick” Wall
    Kate Wilkinson “Sword”
    “The Leaky Mayor” Andrew Williams
    Maurice “Staying Alive” Williamson
    Michael “Bungalow” Woodhouse
    Megan “Anderton” Woods
    Jian “Yin” Yang
    Jonathan “the Younger” Young

    • MBXChequer

      Eugenie “Parsley” Sage
      What about Rosemary?
      Or Thyme?

      • Michael

        Looked wrong – but it made you think of it!

        Plus I initially put Denise “Cock” Roche but thought better of it.

  • Mickrodge

    Yeah I like “Champagne Charles” Chauval

  • poorman

    Trevor Mallard – Krill
    An easy snack for WO……

  • Super Guest

    Brendan “Gold Standard” Horan
    Brendan “Weather girl” Horan

  • Anonymous

    “Teabag” suits Darien Fenton perfectly.
    Well done, MBXChequer!

  • Agent BallSack

    Charles Chauvel – ‘Ceecee’

  • Anonymous

    Hone Harawira must surely be John Hatfield. Ie, his white man’s name.

  • Thorn

    Hone “The White Mans’ Burden” Harawira pays him back in his own coin.

    David “Messiah” Shearer in expectation of raising the dead party. 

    David “Dick Tosser” Parker for success outside Parliament.

    Te Uroroa “Hammerhead” Flavell for naming himself with insight as to his cognitive abilities..

    Andrew ” 5%” Little in recognition of another major campaign that failed under his leadership.

    Tariana “Staple” Turei for using colonial technology.

    John “Slapper” Key for ignoring the manifest will of the people, and tearing Labour MP’s new ones.

    Gareth “Panic” Hughes who mistook Rena’s success for failure.

    Peter “Bunny” Dunne, the attack rabbit if ignored.

    Nanaia “Mafuta” Mahuta, a famous pachyderm.

    Nick “Sub-zero” Smith, for losing the hockey stick.

    Trevor “Kosh” Mallard, for entertaining the vast right wing conspirators.

    Winston “Coral Reef” Peters for unexpectedly wrecking reputations of political pundits, and bad judges.

    Parekura “Mr Wu’s Pig” Horomia for eating anything and everything.

    But the joke is on us, the voters, for electing the MPs we do, and for wanting to stick with MMP.

  • jay cee

    as i posted on the innappropriate nick names bit. for all you nats who so adore him.

    john “solar rectum” key 

  • Dion

    I suggest that Dear Leader be included – as evidenced by the texts from New York she’s still very active in NZ political circles :)

  • Mike

    “Jelly” Brownlee. Works on so many levels….

  • Jman

    Darien “Coondog” Fenton – cos she needs to be kept muzzled

  • Colin

    Doctor Lockwood Smith iis already known in Rodney by several nicknames.
    “Doctor Teeth” is the commonest (his doctorate and surgicallly attached smile)
    “The Game Show Host” is fairly common (his past still haunts him)
    “The member for Ruawai” has been used a bit, too, because of where he lives.
    and then there are the other names, usually derisive which I wont put here.