Getting your kit off

via the tipline

I am reliably informed that the Green Nutter Robyn Malcolm who recently appeared undressed on the cover of Next Magazine threw a tantrum when the cover was first printed forcing every cover to have a sticker placed in the region of her pleasure palace.

The actress with the intellect of of a rare endangered snail realised that when you take your clothes off and pose naked pubic hair may be exposed.

Fancy that.


THANK YOU for being a subscriber. Because of you Whaleoil is going from strength to strength. It is a little known fact that Whaleoil subscribers are better in bed, good looking and highly intelligent. Sometimes all at once! Please Click Here Now to subscribe to an ad-free Whaleoil.

  • you’re just jealous you haven’t been asked to do a magazine cover..

    ..but which magazine would it be..?

    [email protected]

    • starboard

      whore..there was a pharmacy robbed last night in akl..where were you around 11pm?

  • captain Kidd

    Cant stand that stupid bitch,hope they sail to antartica with her until she freezes

    • ConwayCaptain

      Wrong way they are off to the Arctic via Seattle

      • Steve (North Shore)

        Pity Captain Phil Harris is not still alive (Seattle)

  • Elaycee

    Pity the publishers didn’t enlarge the sticker so it covered all of the dopey bint.

    Malcolm should have remained the face of turf digest – at least her visage would not have looked out of place alongside that of Balmarino, Cardigan Bay or Bonecrusher. 

    • The Gantt Guy

      Yeah, but she had to make way for Socialist Cindy, the new fae of equestrian port!

  • motorizer

    you know, these “celeb types” malcome and lawless are totally blinded by stars in there eyes. they show their naivety. they are making themselves feel all good and great about doing their bit for the planet. they have no idea how foolish they look and they have no idea about the grand plan of the world green agenda.
     they just make themselves look stupid. i feel quite sorry for them.

    •  mot..i wd like to nominate you for the mixed-metaphor-of-the-month-award..

      ‘..blinded by stars in there eyes…’..

      genius..pure genius..!’s screaming for a t-shirt to rest on/proclaim from.. you have any more as good..?

      [email protected]

  • Why is it always the people that we LEAST want to see naked that take off their clothes?

    It’s the same with nudists – no one wants to see them naked!

    • fifibelle

      Yep, we can probably be glad that Whale’s not doing equal opportunity posts for the female and gay readers, cos based on the above we’d probably end up with a pic of Rodney Hide in speedos

      •  i was thinking of other naked-cover canditates of a right persuasion..

        ..holmes..?..laws..?..(maybe together..?..)

        [email protected]

  • thor42

    I’d pay bloody good money to see Cactus Kate naked……

    • starboard

      and Lucy Lawless but with her wearing only the top half off her zena outfit..oohhh yeah

  • Dr Wang

    The Next cover looks like it will be totally naff – a naked old slapper with a faked coy expression…bad actresses make bad models.

    • care to post a pic of yrslf!)… see where you are on the ‘a naked old slapper with a faked coy expression’ spectrum..

      ..and interesting how you conflate her politics into her muse..

      …does that really make sense..?..that conflation..?

      ..when you think about it..?

      ..even just a little bit..?

      [email protected]

      • Dr Wang

        1 Sorry to disappoint you, but I don’t crave publicity in a vain attempt to validate myself like this silly bint – so no pix for your gratification

        2 “..and interesting how you conflate her politics into her muse” um, I didn’t mention her politics Philly – you hallucinating again? I think you are struggling to “conflate” your vocabulary with your intellect…

  • Mr_Blobby

    Would like to see Lawless with her kit off but it would have to be still of silent movie if she opened her mouth it would ruin the moment.

  • Mark

    In the old days dear westie robyn  would flash it anyone she thought might stick something in it, unfortunately there were very few takers.. something about a smelly swamp…

  • Phar Lap

    Seems to me before the photo shoot,there was more fingerprints on her then there is in Scotland Yard. What a false modesty hypocrite.Just another  self styled   “liberated ”    bitch  selling her over used wares.Throw in Union Kelly and dare we say it the fat frog from “Green” Party,known as Turei.

  • how about brownlee and joyce..?

    ..together it were..

    ..flashing their ‘coy expressions’…


    [email protected]

    • starboard

      whore havent you got some bunson burners and precursor to attend along..

      • Mully

         Hilarious though that was, Starboard, please don’t feed the troll.

        I have a hopeful theory that it might fuck off if everyone ignores it.

      • Gazzaw

        Ever the optimist Mully.

      •  what exactly are you alleging i am doing..?..with yr reference to ‘bunsen-burners and pre-cursors’..?

        [email protected]

    • starboard

      D-day for you tomorrow philwhore..the Nats are gona come down hard on your lazy arse..bene cuts for you my boy..muwhahahahaha!!! Oh the humanity !

      • Gazzaw

        Are you serious starboard. He may have to pawn the PC?

  • jay cee

    want to see lawless naked? check out “spartacus” as for naturist showing their bodies,that only happens when the media come calling during the silly season over summer.robyn malcom asking for a bit of modesty in a photo shoot,so what?