You have boats, there are rocks

If the Navy can’t avoid rocks then how can anyone else?

How embarrassing.


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  • middleagedwhiteguy

    Lt Col??????

    I’ll bet Bronwyn is suprised that TV3 has transferred her to the army!   She’s a Lt Commander FFS.

  • James Gray

    If it were a goat farmer talking about their bestiality issues, they could say “You have goats, there are cocks”

    • Agent BallSack

      Haha thanks for the chuckle until I cough visualization. Off to scrape my brain off on a sharp rock now.

  • ConwayCaptain

    More slack reporting by one of the bimbos/bimbettes of our TV news channels.

    The RNZN has just bought new equipment for their vesels it is called the Schetinno Navigating System.  Protoype was installed on the Rena.  Guaranteed to find a rock to park your vessel on.

    All three vessels so far equipped have found that the system operates very well.

  • Richard B. (formally poorman)

    You have boats, there are rocks….. Nek Minit

  • Offcut

    The truth is they were finishing off the VIP pink Gins, and the ice and the rocks got mixed up when the call was made.

  • Blokeintakapuna

    Farcical – they can’t even design frigates to keep their RHIB’s attached – now our navy can’t even navigate around well marked rocks.

    FFS – how to inspire safe boating – follow the examples of our Navy – sheessshh!

    Well – if NZ can have 9 years of a Labour government, a navy that sinks it’s own boats is kinda in fitting with it all I guess…

    • ConwayCaptain

      It wasnt the frigates that lost the RIB but the Canterbury.

      Why the hell they bought this I know not.

      Everyone could see who had a smattering of seamanshipo that puttong RIBs in an alcove so close to the water and just forward of the props and where the hull turns towards the stern was a disaster in the making.

      The ship is totyally unsuited for its task of being able to operate outside harbours to land equipment.  She is based on the design of the Ben my Chree which is a ferry between Liverpool and the Isla eof Man and is a sister of the Kaitiaki on the Cook Strait.

      Once again the “esperts” in the Navy Dept who know stuff all about ships were sucked in by snake oil salesmen from Defence Contractors.

      The 1st complete Cock Up was the purchase of the Charles Upham nown as the Charles Chuckham owing to her extreme forlling when light ship. When the Navy bought this everyone in the shipping industry was incredulous.

      In the late 80’s I lectured at the Staff and Command College on 3 occasions on the problems of landing men and supplied across a reef or when anchored off a port.  How the hell hyou get 20tonne containers into Landing Craft when they are swinging on the end of a crane is beyond me.  I have had much experience when working into barges off Aitutaki, Atiu and Mauke.

      • Greg M

        Spot on Captain, we nicknamed it ” Cantaferry ” or the “death star”.

        Can be a bit lively when it’s rolling 30 degrees, only ship I’ve seen where the skippers chair has a seatbelt.

        Tutukaka coast has several areas of foul ground , best to keep a wide berth of that coast, I have no idea what they were doing there, the inquiry will find out I’m sure.

      • ConwayCaptain


        These Ro Ros are built with a very large GM (measurement of stability).

        The RoRo deck is just above the w/l and they also carry a large amount of freight quite high up on the funnel deck.  Look at all RoRos and they are built this way.  They are designed to sail with a large load factor so ar in the main v comfortable when at sea.

        However a militarty RoRo like the Canterburi will very rarely if ever sail with a high load factor and will therefore have a v large GM which means she will roll on wet grass.

        There will have to be extremely heavy lashing to prevent andy cargo moving when at sea.

        Vehicles are light and take up a lot of space.  For instance a 40 tonne MBT will take up the same room as a 40′ container.

        How do you get cargo off a ro ro when at anchor of a Pacific Is. You use a crane which is situated on the upper deck then has a 40’+ jib and then you have a 10 tonne load suspended on the end.  You have a 10 tonne conker swinging in the breeze.  + the ships high GM which will makeit roll LOOK OUT

      • ConwayCaptain


        Do you agree with my comment about the 3 most uselss things on a ship??

      • Greg M

        Captain Yes ! hehe!, Also agree that “drogs” can be usefull at times.
        As an aside, the cranes on Canterbury are 60 tonne swl, most interesting watching the launch of a 55 tonne landing craft I can assure you.

      • ConwayCaptain


        How many dents in the side of Canterbury??

      • Greg M

        A few good sized ones…in the swing area of the crane.No surprises there.

  • Tjspooner

    Rena hits rocks = Court and maybe jail
    Navy hirs rocks= there there, never mind, accidents happen

  • ConwayCaptain

    Saying in the MN

    What are the three most uselss things on a ship???

    A step ladder

    An Umbrella


    A Naval Officer (excepting Hydrographers)

  • Anonymous

    Seems like the old BBC radio show ‘Navy Lark’ come to life (they could never berth HMS Troutbridge without wrecking the jetty).

    • ConwayCaptain

      More seamanship shown by the Officers and Crew of Troutbridge than here.

      Left Hand don a bit, EVERYBODY DOWN  CRUNCH

  • typical military/dads-army farce…

    ..they spend most of their time sitting around practising auto-eroticism…

    ..and then when there is actually something to do/large purchase to make..

    ..they screw-up..

    ..(c.f..any war…)

    [email protected]

  • ConwayCaptain

    Someone on my Conway web site was a RNZN Droggie Two and a half and he surveyed the Tutakak coast and remembers well a well charted rock outside the harbour.

    • Greg M

      Yes there is, right at the entrance, yachties like me use the northern entrance, deep water less current etc. I would suggest the skipper was ” flying visual” and did not consult the chart before entering the harbour.

      • Boss Hogg

        “There are Boats, there are Rocks”  She forgot to mention there aslo Charts. 

        Greg – many years ago I was on Sail Ex and we sailed 5 whalers and 2 cutters into Tutukaka with about a 1.5 easterly swell – Yeeeeha.

        We had a chart and we looked at it.  BTW, We (RNZAF) won with Navy sailing club coming last because we managed to tie a bucket under their boat over night at Sandspit…………….Goons did not even make it to the start in time for the gun ;-)   The Police teams lived up to their nick name at the pub, but that is another story.

        Cheers, Stacey

  • Bobm (ex RNZN and Angry Croc)

    Com’n Captain Sir, seems it was only the other day that I reminded you of the Mikail Lementov. Sunk by a MN Master Mariner I believe. People in glass houses………….

    • ConwayCaptain

      And we STILL dont know why it happened.Embargoed for 50 years and the bloke handling the enquiry had been best man at Jamiesons wedding and both were masons.

      At least we should find out why this one hit the bricks

    • ConwayCaptain

      Jamieson had a British Masters Cert BTW.  He didnt lose it because under the rules and regs of the day the UK authorities woukldhave had to hold a v expensive independent enquiry.

      When a pilot is on the bridge the log book reads “Courses various to Masters Oredrs on Pilots advice”.  Why they didnt question the order to a/c to port to go through that channel I have no idea.  The pilot had been on board the ML many times and they had confidence in him  He was “on leave” from the Marlborough Harbour Board so he could do the coastal pilotage on the ML.  That was why the MHB didnt have to pay out any Prof Liability Ins.

  • LLM

    Thanks for comments on (Soviet cruise ship) Mikhail Lermontov.   My view has always been that those who must be obeyed were very put out that ML was due to start making calls out of Fiji, which some in stratospheric and sumptuous circles thought of as their are of influence.   The rest is easily explained if you look up the last 50 years of experiments in (military technology) mind control weapons.   Jamieson could have had his mind functioning altered to suit, and not even known what he was doing.

    • Bobm (ex RNZN and Angry Croc)

      LLM, are you Winston in drag with your conspiracy theories? Probably a good defence For one of your clients who is on Legal Aid.

  • LLM

    Sorry, your references are lost on me.   No idea what you are on about.

  • Chrisvanderlan

    OMG Big Brom Jones,  Hilarious there are a few drogs that can spin dits on her.